Chapter 15: Memories

Do you want to remember?

What is there to remember?

Everything.

Everything?

That’s right. You’ve forgotten everything. Remember?

No, I...I… What?

You poor little girl. You don’t even remember your own name.

That’s a lie.

Really?

My name’s Nia.

And your last?

I-I don’t… I don’t understand. Why can’t I remember?

You can’t remember anything.

No.

No?

You’re wrong.

I’m really not.

You’re a liar.

Would you like me to show you?

No

Please, stop.

Please!

Get out of my head!

I don’t want to see this.

I know you don’t, but you’re going to.

You need to accept who you are.

This isn’t me.

It is.

It’s not.

You’re a monster.

You don’t deserve to live.

You’re wrong.

You’re a child. It’s time for you to grow up.

***

They had stopped. The memories had stopped. For one brief second Nia was free, but was she really? The images poured through her mind. Image after image of death, pain, and despair. She couldn’t get away. Why did she have to see this?

Electricity shot through her body, pulling at her muscles and burning her skin. She wouldn’t scream. She would never give him that satisfaction.

“Again.” That was all he said, and each time it would happen again, only stronger. Nia could hear the click of the dial being turned up. She couldn’t breath. Electricity poured through her body, pounding her head and ripping at her heart.

“Again… Again… Again…”

Finally it stopped. The memory stopped, but the pain remained. She was surrounded by darkness. Not a memory, but a fear. She couldn’t see anything, not even herself. But this was better. It was best to just disappear into the void.

She needed to move. Why was she standing still in the middle of the fight? Nia rolled to her left, just dodging a spell cast from the shadowy figure across from her. In a flash she was back up on her feet, preparing a spell of her own.

The figure was on top of her. She pulled back, but it had a firm grasp on her wrist. She tried to twist her way out of its firm grasp, but she couldn’t. She expect to be thrown across the room, so she prepared a deflection spell for when she came in contact with the floor.

She was wrong. The shadow didn’t throw her, it moved in closer. What was it doing? Before she could react it pulled her closer, forcing her off balance. It’s elbow came down sharply.

Nia only heard the snap. Then she went down, her body gripped by excruciating pain. She couldn’t move her arm, but boy could she feel it. It wasn’t a clean break. She could feel the bone protruding into her skin. The slightest movement and the agony flared through her nerves. She tried not the breath, but failed. Tears were streaming down her face.

Then the pain was gone. She was in the middle on the fight again. She tried to dodge, but the figure caught her again. This time though, Nia was prepared. She cast a spell on her arm and positioned herself to block the instant the figure moved.

It changed. It didn’t go for her arm. Her feet were swept out from under her and she hit the ground. Hard. Her ribs was fine. That was a relief. But the figure hadn’t stopped moving. He walked towards her, slowly, deliberately. She couldn’t move. She knew what came next.

In one swift movement, she felt the bone in her leg shatter. Again, pain seared through her body, burning her skin whenever she dared to move.

She was fine. In the middle of the fight again. She changed the situation. She blocked where she hadn’t before, she kept behind the figure. But he caught her again. She squared her stance, it wouldn’t be touching her feet. Not if she had anything to say about it.

It’s foot rose off the ground. It was too late. The bottom of it's heavy leather shoe slammed into her abdomen. She was sent flying backwards, the wind knocked out of her. She couldn’t breath. She tried to sit up, to catch her breath again, but her ribs forced her back down.

She could feel her lungs becoming heavy. This wasn’t good. She rolled to her side, she needed to get up. She needed this to be fixed like before. Nothing changed. The smell of blood rose up through her mouth, the taste followed directly after.

Her chest burned. Her lungs wouldn’t work. All she could do was cough as blood slowly poured out of her mouth.

“Again.”

The current hit her before she had time to prepare. She still couldn’t breathe, her lungs were filling up. Before she knew it she was underwater. Something was wrapped round her leg, pulling her down. No matter how much she struggled she couldn’t get free.

She was loosing her breath. She needed air, but there wasn’t any. Not anymore.

“Again.”

She spun around the figure, but it caught her again. A solid kick to her spine.

She was being dragged down, her lungs screaming for air.

The darkness returned, cool and calm. No pain. Everything had stopped.

“Please...” her voice echoed endlessly in the silence. “I can’t.”

What?

“Please, stop. I can’t do this any more!”

Anymore? You’ve done this all before, I’m just trying to show you the truth.

“Why?”

Why?

“Why me?”

Why not you.

“It isn’t fair.”

Life’s not fair. You of all people should know that.

With that, Nia was thrown back into her memories. She spiraled through, finally landing some place she’d never seen before.

It was dark, but she could still see the outline of overturned tables and chairs. Shards of glass covered the floor, mixed with the intermittent splinter and crinkled leaf which she assumed had flown in through the shattered windows. Her arms were restricted by chains out to each side, severely limiting her movement, and shadow figures shifted around just within her range of vision. Sure it was creepy, but all in all it wasn’t that bad, it’s not like anything was actually happening.

The world shimmered a bit and a figure stepped forward wielding a sword that radiated a soft blue light. Had Nia seen that blade before? She tried to think back but was blocked. She could only watch and see what happened next.

The figure raised its sword and set it level with her forehead, holding it mere inches away from her skin. What was he planning on doing? Poking her? It wouldn’t do much good unless--

Her mind went blank as something seared into her back. She instinctively pulled against the chains, trying to get away, but they didn’t budge. She couldn’t move. The smell of charcoal and sulfur filled her nose, followed by the unmistakable stench of smoke.

Nia could feel a sigil being burned into her back. Not the same one Mandie had used. No. This was different. This one held real power. She couldn’t think. Only one thought passed through her mind: She needed to get away. Over and over. She needed to get away. But no matter how hard she pulled she couldn’t. Everything faded.

She was sitting alone, curled into herself in the corner of a tiled room, pressure wrapped around her head like a vice. Something was inside of her, trying to get out, pushing against her mind wherever it could. She gripped her head and cradled it between her knees as tears welled in her eyes.

She could still feel the burning sensation in her back, but it had dampened compared to this. Everything was a blur, she couldn’t focus. She closed her eyes, trying to block out the light, but it didn’t help. The pounding just got stronger, branching out through her head.

She tried not to think. Every thought that passed through her head just made it worse. She tried to block it out, the pressure, her thoughts, her memories, all of it. But another wave of pain destroyed whatever semblance of concentration she’d had.

She pulled into herself, trying desperately to force the pressure out, to counteract it in some way. She couldn’t last much longer like this. She couldn’t get away, not from something that was in her own head. There was no way out of this one.

She could feel her eyes stinging, the hot tears rolling down her face, a powerful presence across from her and… and a comforting hand resting on her shoulder. The pressure was decreasing. It wasn’t gone, but it wasn’t as bad as it had been seconds earlier. Nia tested her eyes against the light, but closed them again after a warning throb shot through her skull.

She couldn’t make out anything distinct, but every now and again words sunk into her mind. Telling her she would be okay, that everything was gonna be okay, she’d be home soon enough. Who ever it was in front of her shifted to her side, sliding the hand on her shoulder around her back and linking its other arm under her knees. For an instant she tensed, then she was lifted effortlessly into the air. Her weight balanced against the person's chest and arms. She felt relaxed. Safe. Then, she was somewhere else.

She was in the country, or at least it looked like the country. In the faint moon light she could just make out the emerald shine of the grass surrounding the area, several shimmering lakes spread out in the view before her, and a small town just a little bit away.

“I warned her.” A figure sifted its weight where he sat a little ways away. No, wait. Not figure, this was an actual person. The moon was rising up behind him in the midnight sky, outlining his slender figure, traditional Japanese clothing, and shoulder length black hair. “I told her that nothing good would come from messing with humans, that she shouldn’t get attached. That it would make her weak.”

He shifted again, hanging his leg carelessly over what Nia realized was the edge of green tiled roof. “But did she listen to me? No, of course she didn’t.”

Something had happened. This memory was clearer, more… she didn’t know how to describe it. Real? This didn’t seem like a memory or a fragmentation played out in her mind. It seemed like it was actually happened. Just what was this?

“You look confused, you need me to explain?”

Yes. No? Nia wasn’t sure. She didn’t trust this whatever it was. It felt wrong. She shouldn’t be here. Everything felt wrong, him most of all.

“Tch,” he gritted his teeth in a venomous smile. “She told you not to talk to me, didn’t she? Typical. But staying silent won’t help you. It won’t help her either. She’ll come to get you either way, it’s what makes her weak.”

Nia didn’t like the way he was looking at her. His eyes seemed hungry. Angry and hungry. Just what was he talking about? Who was the person he kept talking about?

His eyes darkened. “So, you’re here.”

He was looking as something just behind Nia, though she couldn’t seem to turn to see what it was.

“You called me here,” the voice was soft, but held so much authority that Nia feared what type of person was standing behind her. “Why is it so surprising that I showed up.”

“I didn’t think you’d want your princess dead,” the man’s lips curled back, revealing a sneering smile. Princess? What was going on here?

Nia could’ve sworn she heard growling, “If you lay one hand on her I’ll-”

“You’ll what? Kill me? You know as well as I do that doesn’t work.”

“I wasn’t planning on killing you. You don’t deserve death.”

“And yet this person deserves life? The very person that stole your powers, the one that forced you into that physical form. She’s affecting your mind, you aren’t thinking clearly. Her death is the only way to free you.”

“She didn’t steal anything. I gave it willingly.”

The man sighed. He pulled himself up from where he sat. “There you go talking nonsense again.” He crossed over to where Nia was frozen, draping his arm across her right shoulder and resting his chin on her left.

Something very bad was about to happen. Nia knew it in her heart, and she could feel it in the air. Yet she couldn’t do anything to stop what was happening. She couldn’t fight back, she couldn’t even move or speak.

“Do you understand now? You have no power here, you can’t stop what’s going to happen.”

“Please, don’t,” the voice was pleading. It knew what was going to happen to. Why wasn’t it doing anything? Why wasn’t it trying to save her?

The man moved away from Nia, looking her over one last time. His eye’s were blank. It was almost like he didn’t recognize her as something living, something that had it's own life and conscience. His eyes narrowed, “Good bye, princess.”

The magic in the air shifted, surround his hand with pure magic in a split second. Before Nia even had time to react to what was happening his hand slammed into her skin, easily piercing the muscle and bones that covered her heart.

Nia’s consciousness slammed into a wall.

Her eyes shot open, she was on the couch in Alice’s home. Safe, away from everything. But that was all she was able to realize before it hit. All of it. Everything she’d gone through in her mind. Her heart rate skyrocketed as the pain in her back flared back up, much worse than it had been before. The vice wrapped around her head, the pressure increasing so that even her bones began to ach. She gasped for air, but even her lungs failed her. She couldn’t breath. They wouldn’t hold air. She lost her breath as soon as she got it. She needed help. Alice. Where was Alice? Why couldn’t she feel her?

Nia mind strained against the agony.

***

Alice rolled over in bed again. Sleep was being particularly hard to come by. She’d been able to get a little bit here an there, but she just couldn’t shut off her mind. Not since Mandie had shown up with Nia only an hour after she had left to see what Cana might want in return.

Mandie had made the executive decision for them to leave that instant, so they had. Two hours later she and Alice we’re pulling into the parking lot outside of Alice’s apartment. Nia still hadn’t shown any signs of waking up, and Mandie had refused to talk about anything on the whole drive. Opting instead to only say it was best if Alice didn’t know.

She stuck around for a few hours after that, keeping an eye on Nia until almost midnight. But at that point she’d said there was something she’d needed to do, and left after giving Alice very specific instructions to call her the moment anything changed.

Alice flipped over and adjusted her comforter, peeking one eye open to look at the clock on her book covered nightstand. 2:38. She needed to sleep. She needed to keep up her energy. Nia would probably be fine till morning. There was no reason to worry as much as she was. Mandie wouldn’t have left if there was, right?

She rolled onto her side and pulled the duvet up over her head, blocking out the light of the moon and her clock. At least she didn’t have school tomorrow, that was a relief. Though she wasn’t sure if Billie had any plans for them tomorrow. And she still needed to finish her Christmas shopping. And then there was still Nia. Mandie hadn’t said anything but Alice got the feeling that even even she wasn’t entirely sure what was going on.

Alice threw back the comforter, escaping from the stuffy atmosphere she had created around herself. The cool air was calm and refreshing. Maybe she could finally get some sleep.

She looked at the clock. 2:40. It had only been two minutes. That was it, she gave up on trying to sleep. She leaned over to her bedside table and clicked on the lamp, flooding the room with dim a yellow glow. Maybe she could read for a bit to calm herself down, or at least until she felt tired.

But as she reached for the book next to her clock something changed. The world flooded back into a light she hadn’t realized was gone. She could see everything more clearly, and even make out what was hiding in the shadows of her room where the lamp didn’t reach. Energy was moving all around her, through her room, across her skin, in her blood. It was back. The connection between her and Nia was working again.

Just as she moved to hope out of bed and check on her in the next room over, a wave of dread swept over her and settled in her stomach. Alice grabbed her phone off it’s charger and rushed out of her room. From the moment she passed through her doorway she knew something was wrong. The air felt different. Ominous.

She stepped into the living room, listening, waiting. For the first time since she’d moved here she was afraid to move any further into the darkness. This was her own home. The same place she’d been living in for almost seven years and yet, she was afraid of what lurked beyond the light. She shuffled along the wall searching for the light-switch, her eyes trained intently on the dark.

She finally found the switch, flicking it on the instant it touched her fingers.

“Oh my god.” Alice rushed over to the couch, clumsily pounding Mandie’s number into her phone.

***

Mandie would’ve liked to say she was asleep when her phone almost gave her a heart attack by buzzing then falling off her dresser in the dead silence of her room. But she wasn’t. How could she be? She’d intended to take a short nap after coming back from Alice’s then get to work, because who knew what would happen once Nia woke up. But that plan hadn’t worked.

Mandie dragged herself off her her bed and walked to pick up her phone, her eyes stingings from all the words she’d poured over and essentially memorized in the past two and half hours since she got home. She picked up the buzzing phone and forced her eyes to focus on the name. Alice.

Nia must’ve woken up. But why was Alice up too? Mandie answered the call and held the phone up to her ear.

“Hello?” She suppressed a yawn.

“Nia can’t breathe,” Alice’s panicked voice came through the receiver.

Mandie took a moment to process the words. She should’ve taken a nap. “Of course she can’t, she’s a ghost,” she replied flatly.

“No, you don’t understand,” Alice insisted.

Mandie was too tired for this. “I’m an exorcists, I think I understand ghosts pretty well.”

“It’s not that she can’t breathe, it’s that she can’t breathe,” she explained unhelpfully. “And she’s super pale and covered in sweat, she seems to be in a lot of pain, but I don’t know what to do, and I’m freaking out, and-”

“Hold on Alice, calm down,” Mandie soothed, “slow down and tell me what’s happening.”

She could hear Alice breathing on the other end of the line. “Nia’s awake, but something wrong. She seems sick or something, I don’t know how to explain it.”

Mandie rushed over to her closet and pulled out her buckskin medicine bag and a large leather-bound spell book from a cardboard box she had shoved in the corner closest to the door. She exited her room and walked down the hall. “Alice, listen to me. I’m going to be right over but I need you to stay on the line, alright?”

“Alright.”

“Great, go to your kitchen, get a towel damp and stick it in the freezer.” Mandie burst through the door into the room Chase and Jackson crashed in whenever they were too lazy to go to their own apartment. She flipped on their light, “Get up you two.”

Chase sat up, squinting angrily at her, then the clock. “Mandie it’s three in the goddamn morning, what the hell do you need that can’t wait till later?” He growled.

“I need you to take this call, Jackson I need a link.” She tossed her cell phone to Chase and moved back out into the hall without waiting to see it he caught it.

“What’s with all the noise?” Gale asked, peeking out from his doorway a little ways down the hall. He’d always been a light sleeper.

“I need your inhaler,” Mandie ordered as she turned into the kitchen and started digging around in the cabinets for the small chest that she stored her personal stash of herbs.

“My inhaler?” Gale walked into the kitchen, shading his eyes from the overhead light Mandie had turned on. “I haven’t used that thing in five years, I don’t even know where it is.”

Mandie paused as she felt the familiar worn wood pass under her fingers. She traced the outline of a bear across the top, then pulled out the small box and shoved it into her bag. “I don’t give a damn, I need it,” she shot him a look tell him she wasn’t messing around.

Gale slunked back to his room as Mandie moved into the main entrance. She laid out the spell book on the table and flipped to the incantation she needed. She quickly scanned over the incantation, mouthing the words as she went.

“Where do you want the link to?” Jackson asked, looking more awake than anyone else.

Mandie grabbed a pen and a sticky note off of the table and wrote down Alice’s address. “Here, and you guys need to come as soon as I go.”

Jackson examined the numbers on the note, then closed his eyes. It didn’t matter how many times Mandie saw him do it, his ability to memorize maps and find locations he’d never been to before always impressed her. “Go it, you ready?”

“Almost.” She needed one more thing, well, didn’t need it, but it wouldn’t hurt to bring it with her. She rushed back into her room and grabbed a vaguely frog shaped rice-filled heating pad off of her dresser. Now she was ready to go.

Gale walked up to her on her way back to Jackson and placed his mint green inhaler into her palm, “I managed to find it,” he said in between heavy breaths.

“Thanks for rushing, Alice will appreciate this. Ready to go Jackson?”

“Whenever you are.”

“Fantastic,” she looked over the incantation one last time then closed the book. She looked to Jackson for one last confirmation, he nodded, and she recited the words.

***

Nia wasn’t getting better, but she wasn’t getting worse either. Alice didn’t know what to do. She’d called Mandie, but she’d almost immediately given the phone to Chase.

“Mandie just left, she’ll be there any second now,” Chase’s voice said through Alice’s phone. “Jackson and I are heading your way right now so we’ll be there in a few minutes. Are you going to be okay with me hanging up?”

Alice didn’t know. She had no clue what to do, she didn’t want to be alone, she needed someone here with her. Someone who could actually help her. Before she could answer her front door swung open and Mandie walked in. Alice could’ve sworn she’d locked that door.

Mandie took her phone, “I’m here, see you soon.” She end the call then handed Alice her phone and a weird shaped rice heating pad. “Put that in the microwave for a minute thirty, where’s Nia?”

“On the couch,” Alice pointed to the living room. How on earth had Mandie gotten in, not that she was complaining. She was actually pretty thankful that she was here, but she wanted to know. Alice threw the heating pad in her microwave and set the time. “How did you get in here?”

“Spare key was hidden in the fake rock,” she replied in between pulling items out of her bag and shaking something that looked mint green. “Is she conscious?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Nia can you hear me? Nod once if you can.” There was a pause, “Alright, I’m going to try to help you breath first. I’ll need you to get out all of your air, then breath in for about five second then hold your breath. Can you do that?”

Alice perked up. Nia was awake, that made her feel better. Though she couldn’t even begin to imagine what she may be going through. She hadn’t expected something this bad to come from being taken by Cana. She was dangerous, yes, Mandie and Luca had made sure to drill that into her brain. But how could a spirit cause this?

“Do you want me to breath with you? I’ll be ready whenever you are.”

Alice couldn’t help but watch Mandie, it was amazing to see. Over the past few days Alice had built up this vision of Mandie that involved her being compassionate, but not too caring. Friendly, but always strong and independent. Alice had called her for help only because she assumed Mandie would have some vague idea about how to handle the situation. She never even considered the fact that she would, or could for that matter, come to help fix the problem herself.

But seeing her now. Cool, calm, collected. Handling the situation perfectly, while Alice herself was freaking out only yards away. This wasn’t just something Mandie knew how to do, this is what she was best at, this was where she found her passion. Helping people. That was the side of Mandie that shone the brightest, yet it was the side Alice hadn’t even known about. She couldn’t help but wonder how many people had seen this side of her, and why she didn’t show it more often.

The microwave beeped. Alice turned from watching Mandie’s emphasized breathing to grab the heating pad. The aroma of what could only be described as carbs and lavender swirled around her as she carried the animal shaped bag of rice over to Mandie. An uncomfortable amount heat seeped through her shirt and skin, but it was pleasantly heavy.

“Do you need anything else?” Alice asked as she handed the heating pad to Mandie.

“Could you get me that towel? It should be cold enough by now,” she said, never missing a beat in her breathing.

Alice stole a glance at Nia. Already she looked better. She was still struggling to breath, and it was clear that she was in pain from the fresh sweat on her forehead and her agonizing gasps of air. But it was better than before. Better than when Alice had first seen her.

She rushed back into the kitchen and pulled the damp rag out of the freezer, surprised by how cold it had gotten in the few minutes she’d left it in there. She’d made the right choice putting it in the ice container. She was back over to Mandie in a flash, just in time to see her help Nia with what looked like an inhaler.

“Was that-”

“Probably,” Mandie responded, grabbing the towel and cupping it over Nia’s head. “Place pressure here,” she said pointing at Nia’s forehead, Alice complied.

Already, she could feel heat seeping through the slightly iced rag. Nia’s breathing had improved almost ten fold, the only irregularity being the sharp intakes of breaths and shudders she had every few seconds. But she certainly had one hell of a fever. She added a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘burning up’.

“Mandie she’s-”

“I know.” Mandie held up a syringe filled with a clear liquid. “This will stop that.” She waited for a pause in Nia’s movements, then expertly inserted the needle into the vein in Nia’s arm, dispensed the liquid, and pulled it out before she was gripped by another convulsion. “Take off that towel, Nia’s temperature is going to drop pretty rapidly. Do you have more blankets?”

“Uh, yeah, I’ve got a bunch in the closet by my room.” Already Nia’s disposition had changed. Her skin was still flushed, but her shaking looked more like shivering than spasms. “What was in that?”

“An antipyretic of my own design. It’s a fast acting way to lower the body’s temperature, which is why I need those blankets now.”

“Right…” Alice was digging through the closet before she knew it, searching for the warmest blankets she had buried somewhere in the dark recesses. She pulled out two of the ones that Teresa had declared ‘not only insanely fluffy, but also ungodly warm’ and carried them over to Mandie.

***

“Will these work?” Alice asked, breaking Mandie’s concentration. She’d been trying to measure the drop in Nia’s temperature. Her formula wasn’t perfect. It worked, but it was dangerous. She’d never use it on someone living, a ghost was a different story. Ghosts wouldn’t die if there temperature dropped to low, but it wasn’t good for them either. Nia’s temperature didn’t seem to stop dropping. It wasn’t leveling out. This was bad.

“Perfect, thank you.” She grabbed the heating pad off the table and laid it on Nia’s stomach, heating the core of the body would take care of the rest, then she grabbed the top blanket from Alice and draped it over Nia. There wasn’t much else she could do, not here anyway.

She couldn’t do a full examination, not with Alice here. So she wouldn’t be able to get a full read of the situation. Why had these symptoms been so hidden while she was unconscious? Maybe if she’d looked deeper she’d have found them, then she’d have been more prepared. Mandie sighed, she’d need to leave to get anything done. But was Nia stable enough to travel? And did she had enough energy to teleport again? There was only one way to find out.

She sensed the cousins before she heard their car pull into the parking lot. Actually, she sensed the cousins and Gale. Well, at least one of them had been thinking in the rush. Gale was a Purison, he’d be plenty helpful in calming down Alice; even though she wasn’t really showing it, Mandie could tell she was freaking out. At least now she felt better about leaving, she needed to help Nia, and Chase and Gale would certainly take care of Alice.

Mandie waited till their doors slammed shut. This would give her the perfect distraction. “Alice, could you get the door? Chase and Jackson are here.”

As Alice turned towards the front door Mandie scooped up Nia off the couch. She groaned as her back bent in an awkward directing, but Mandie didn’t think much of it until… She felt something in the girl’s shirt that didn’t make sense, it hadn’t been there before, had it? It couldn’t have. She’d carried her back to the reserve after getting her from Cana, if that burn had been there before she’d have seen it. She couldn’t think about it now, she’d look at it later.

Optimally, she would’ve liked to sneak into Alice’s room for this. The privacy it provided would’ve been perfect, but as she looked closer the seals swirling around the entrance became clearer. There was no way any ghost or spiritualist that wasn’t Alice was getting in there unscathed. She understood their purpose, but d****t why had Bea set those up in such an inconvenient location? There was no helping it now.

Mandie backed into the opposite side of the room, slipping into a small alcove of a hallway as Alice opened the door to let Chase and Jackson in. This space would work. Small, private, pretty much everything she needed to build up enough energy to take her and Nia to the temple.

She paused for a moment, feeling out Nia’s sporadic energy, reciting the spell in her head, confirming the link in her mind--the one link she could actually memoized and connect to without anyone's help. No one else would be able to follow her, so no matter what happened Nia would be safe.

Green magic swirled in the air around her severing her and Nia’s connection to the world around them. Removing them from the universal equation. She recited the spell under her breath, envisioned the comfy, familiar room with all her strength, closed her eyes, and they vanished.