The Foundational Battlefield

Soldier in battle, the field is your friend
Let it define the pain that you're in
Run with the strength of a mighty mad bull
And remember to breathe so your lungs are still full

Courage to fight when the going is tough
Will make you run harder, will make you feel rough
Faith when the arrows endlessly attack
Will fill you with hope and keep you on track

Remember to never lose sight of your goals
Never give in and maintain your control
Hold onto your dignity with all of your might
Treasure your values, in morals - delight

Though sorrow is present, incessant and cruel
You mustn't give in to the role of a fool
For winning this war, survival is key
And being a fool is your worst enemy.

Reviews

[Revera Love]

Wise advice. Your flow seemed just a bit off toward the begining. I would suggest reading it with a relaxed mind out loud and seeing if there might be a word you could substitute. Really it isn't that obvious, I'm just a stickler for it lol

I like the premise of the soldier but really this advice could relate to anyone. I often feel this way and have to remind myself of basically what your saying: To face the world with courage and believe in myself. Only now I have a clever way to remember it :)

Love your poem as always mon amie, Keep it up :)

[One Hundred Fingers]

Wonderful comment, as always! :) I'm not sure how to change the beginning...could you be a bit more specific as to which line sounds out of flow?

I chose to use the word soldier as a metaphor for anyone. Every day we have to "gear up" for battle...we have to put on the armor of patience, love, and courage - to name a few - so that when life comes at us we'll be prepared. :)

Thanks for your encouragement!!

Blessings~ ::OHF::

[Revera Love]

Soldier in battle, the field is your friend
Let it define the pain that you're in
Run with the strength of a mighty mad bull
And remember to breathe so your lungs are STILL full

Courage to fight when the going is tough
Will make you run harder, will make you feel rough
Faith when the arrows IN ENDLESS attack
Will fill you with hope and keep you on track

(I edited it the way I thought it might flow better in caps so you could see them clearly. Let me assure you I am not yelling at you lol :) )

[One Hundred Fingers]

I really like your first edit...makes more sense! However, I think endlessly makes more sense because I'm describing the attack...which is why I chose that adjective. Also endlessly is currently active whereas "in endless" makes it appear as if it's something of the past. At least that's how I see it.

Oh, and thanks for the higher rating...not that I need higher rates...I just really appreciate your kindness! :)

Blessings~ ::OHF::

[Revera Love]

No problem Mon ami :) I see where your going there. I tend to write in past tense so that's where my critique stems from. Keep writing and I'll keep reading ^^

[Luke Echterling]

Love it. Don't change anything.

[One Hundred Fingers]

Thanks so much!!

Blessings~ ::OHF::

[Revera Love]

I wanted to edit my rating. You deserved higher. It won't let me do that unless I write something so Hi :)

[char]

Ooh, I like this one. It can apply to several situations. It's diverse and that makes it a very successful poem. Awesome job!

[One Hundred Fingers]

Thanks, Anna!! I'm so glad it's applicable to your life and that you enjoyed it!!

Blessings~ ::OHF::