High Expectations

A Poem by 1000sleeps

Sometimes it feels like I was born into a box. Everyday it gets smaller, and I'm not sure it'll ever stop.

Sometimes it feels like

I was born into a box.

Everyday it gets smaller

I'm not sure it'll ever stop.

I was born into a cardboard box,

full of other's high expectations,

"maybe she'll be a doctor, a lawyer,

or maybe just a wife"

Everyday the box shrinks;

I can feel the walls' suffocation.

I push and I pull and I try

but I just can't seem to get out.

I fantasize about being free,

so I can roam the Earth as I wish.

So I can dream my own dreams,

and live a life of my own volition.

One day this old cardboard box,

will give-way and free the dreamer,

that's been living her whole life,

in the shadow of a "winner".

© 2016 1000sleeps

Author's Note

comments and critiques are welcomed

My Review

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Featured Review

Wolf_Lord

Wow. The sensation of being crushed. Despair of ever meeting expectations. Trying yet failing to push your way out no matter how hard you try. Yet you dream... You strive... You do not give up... You build your own expectation and... You push aside the expectations of others and make your own expectations. No longer will you live in the shadow of another, but will build your own life with your own goals, and to Hades with anyone who does not agree... You go girl... Did I get the point? Well done. I wish you all the success in the World. It is hard to live in the shadow of another, and even harder to break out of a mold already formed for you. As for the technical. Just a few suggestions You could insert some semicolons instead of commas in some places. You missed a couple of places to put a comma. Last: This line is redundant. '(getting smaller and smaller) I would eliminate this line and replace it with something like: (The walls invade my space) Then this line: (and I push and I pull and I try and I try) Try to never start a line with 'and.' Sometimes it is unavoidable, but for the most part you can. In this case it does not have to be replaced but just eliminated. (I try and I try) eliminate the second ( I try ) again it is redundant and eliminating makes the meter and rhythm of the line better. So in conclusion, I give you 100 on the content... But I am going to score you 85 for the redundancy and punctuation. Only because you asked for a real critique... Lol. PS. I think you will do well here. Wolf_Lord ,'', ^@@^ ,'',