The beginning

“ All passengers flying Al-Belad Airways, destination Dubai please proceed to exit twenty four right away“

I heard the calling of my flight and yet I did not move, I sat there for moments looking at the people walking in or out of the waiting hall, a mother pushing her child with force for he seems to be disobedient, a couple holding hands smiling at each other faces, one old man walking very slowly and a family with girls jumping and dancing around the parents, my eyebrows connected with concentration as I was in a lockdown state of mind, I tried to think but it made my head shoot up with pain, I gathered all the strength and energy in me and pushed myself up, I walked to the gate and checked in my flight, the flight was two hours to Dubai and I have to wait for four hours till my next flight, I went to the waiting area and sat waiting for the calling of my next  flight, I sat the four hours without even moving until they announced us to enter, I proceeded to the gate, I sat on my passenger seat and rest my head and closed my eyes, the time to reach my destination is thirteen hours, and for thirteen hours my eyes were closed and I didn’t move and I didn’t fall asleep, sleep was something out of a fairy tale for me now, we arrived at ten thirty two pm.

I gathered my small bag, my back bag,  went out of the airplane, there was a bus waiting below the airplane to take us inside the airport,

“ Business or pleasure ma’am “ the worker at the disk asked me before stamping my passport

“ Vacation “

“ May I ask who are you with ma’am ?! “ He asked again

“ Just me “

“ Can you tell me if you are visiting someone? “ He asked smiling   

“ No “

He looked at me for a couple of seconds then decided that I look harmless and then said with a pleasant tone “ Welcome to the United States of America, Hope you enjoy your stay “

I took my passport  and proceeded for luggage checking , I didn’t have to wait for my luggage to arrive because I did not board any,  I reached the arrivals gate, I saw my friend at the end standing, she saw me and started walking fast with a look of relief in her face

“ I received your massage and tried to call the phone was disconnected, I was so worried, I didn’t know whether to come here or wait for you to call “ She reached my end and wrapped her arms around me, and the instant that happened my body failed to carry out my brain demand and I collapsed.

 

I opened my eyes and the room was upside down, it took me a couple of seconds to get a clear vision of my surroundings, I was in a king size bed, with a side table on my left with a vase of mixed flowers  in it, everything is so white, the sheets were white, the pillows were white, the window was huge with sunlight coming in, my brain was dysfunctional, I did not know where I was, and all I could think about is wanting to walk to the window and take a look outside, I removed the cover of off me and sat with my naked feet touching the warm ground, I wanted to stand up but I couldn’t , I had no idea why, I tried again to stand up and yet I couldn’t, the pain shooting in my head was too much so I laid myself back down with my face facing the window staring at it, I heard the door opens and someone coming in, so I adjusted my posture to look at whoever it is, and it all came back, and I knew exactly where I was

“ welcome to the land of the living “ she said “ How do u feel sleeping beauty? you thank your Allah that I am a med student or else I would have taken you to the hospital and god knows what those dancing green frogs will do to you “

“ Umm, Thank you “

my voice sounded weird, like its someone else’s voice, and every formation of a word hurts, as if my vocal cords were out of use for a long time,

“ For what ?! “ she asked surprised

“ Just .. thank you! “

“ its allright sweetie don’t mention it, hang on I will bring you some food you must be starving “ She stood up to leave and I sized her by the arm

“  how long was I asleep?  “

“ five days, I will be right back “ She left the room and I lay back down again facing the window, they must’ve noticed that I’m gone by now, and the chase will begin.

“ Here you go, French toast, homemade yogurt with fresh berries, Fresh Muffins, Pancakes with chocolate, Orange juice and … I .. Have just … Made … Coffee … For You M’Lady “  She came in struggling to keep her balance with this huge tray in her hands

“ Set straight “ She commanded and I followed, the tray had legs so she placed it in my lab, I reached out to take the coffee mug, and took a sip, and once the hot bitterly  taste ran through my mouth and into the inside of my throat, I closed my eyes and held my head back to enjoy the sensation and the warmth running through me

“ wow, you were not kidding when you said you liked you coffee fresh “  She said laughing “ Now eat something, Or you want me to hand feed you, because I will, I have no problem what so ever with hand feeding anything “ She started to make the motion of folding her sleeves up, she was wearing  a sleeveless shirt

“ Just the coffee “ that is all I could manage to say

She looked at me eyes narrowed for a second studying my face, I just continued appreciating my coffee and drinking it. I drank it to the last sip with her sitting at the tip of the bed and me looking out the shiny sunny window, we just sat in silence, it did not bother me much, the silence I mean, I always liked the quiet.

“ Ok, get up … get up … get up, time for a shower “ she jumped all of a sudden and removed the tray then took off the covers and took me by the arm, I didn’t resist, she helped me walk to the bathroom and I noticed that I was wearing my pajamas, I did not even care to ask, I just wondered how come I did not notice if someone was changing me, was I passed out for five days, is such thing possible, Or was it a coma, I decided that I did not care to know that either .

We reached the bathroom, I went in and closed the door, after a couple of seconds I heard a light knocking so I opened the door

“ um, are you going to be ok in there, do you need any help? “ she asked awkwardly

I just looked at her confused, why would I need any help, I am talking a shower, what kind of help would anyone need showering, she read my confused face and said

“ It’s just that you have low muscle function, and you can hardly walk yourself in a straight line without buckling  in, and a shower right now may be too overwhelming for you”

I just stared at her without saying anything, I still didn’t get why she wanted to help me shower, and it hit me, is that what it’s like to be taken care of, is that her way of taking care of me, and I thought about my little sister and how many time I showered her, but I am a grown woman, does it work both ways, doesn’t age matter, isn’t an adult suppose to take care of himself and the others around him, then it crossed my mind that I might be the others in this equation, but still it didn’t feel right to be taken care of, I am not used to this and I don’t think I am accepting it.   

 “ No, I’ll be fine “ I said and closed the door, it wasn’t easy removing my clothes and entering the shower, it took up my energy and I couldn’t stand up, so I sat in the middle of the running shower just waiting, I don’t know how long I was sitting but I lost feeling in my bottom end, and my left leg started to tingle, I rested my head in between my knees and stared at the little space between my legs, I didn’t want to move, I wanted to stay like this forever.

After I don’t know how long I heard a faint knocking at the door

“ Hey, you ok in there ?! “

I did not answer

“ You answer me right now or I am coming in “ I can hear her worried tone, After two or three seconds I heard the door opens in force

“ Are you … “ when she entered the shower and saw me she gasped with disbelief, I didn’t even raise my head I just stayed the way I am, I just wanted her to disappear, for everything to disappear and to just I and this floor to remain, I felt a warm towel in my shoulder and arms pulling me up

“ I am so sorry, this was a bad idea “ Her voice started to break as if she is about to cry “ Let’s  get you back in bed “ She wrapped the towel around me very carefully as if I am something very fragile and might break if not handled with care, she walked me and placed me in the bed removed the towel and covered me to my chin, then went to close the curtains

“ Leave it, the window “ I said,  she did

When I rested my head and closed my eyes everything went black and I fell into the dark whole I call sleeping, I woke up several times, with clouded vision, several times I could hear while asleep the door of the room opening and then closing, two or three people whispering outside the door but I wasn’t fully conscious, it was like hearing them from a distance.

I was forced out of my sleep by a pinch in my arm and a cold hand pressing in the upper part of my hand, then I felt slight pressure in the back of my right hand, I opened my eyes and everything was blurry, there was a shape of a woman putting something into my arm and two people standing at the door, I blinked twine and with my left hand rubbed my eyes, one of the two persons standing at the door came in and sat at my left

“ Hey, this is a doctor, she’s just supplying you with Seline, It’s like a mixture of salty water and food supplementation for your blood pressure and because you are not eating any kind of food “

I tried to focus but I couldn’t, it’s like someone had hit me with something heavy at the back of my head, I went back to the dark whole, where there are no dreams, where there are nothing, where nothing exists, not even me.

I woke up and it was night time, it felt bizarre, like there is a whole in my stomach and air is running though it, I stretched my arms and all the bones in my body cracked, I felt a pinch in my right arm, I held it up to my face, I had to blink hard several times to get a clear vision, and there was a needle in, I took it off and sat up, I did not know where she placed my suitcase and my backbag, removing the covers, standing up I walked to the light switch to turn the lights on, There was a large tall wooden closet held to the wall near the door, I opened it and saw that my stuff were in it, hanged folded and arranged, I found my travel kit in one of the drawers and took it with clean underwear  and went to the bathroom, walking like a normal person is still hard, but still I can walk now, and I was sure I can manage to bath myself, once in the bathroom, I hit the shower and the steamy water felt good, the driblets of hot water on my shoulder felt like they were entering me and warming me up inside out, I took a long time showering and when I finished, I brushed my teeth , then went back to the  room and I noticed that the sun was rising, I changed the sheets with new ones, the bed smelled like death, I wore  jeans and a sleeveless shirt, I have no idea how long I was here or what happened during, but I am almost aware of myself now. I walked to the window and stood there, staring at the light blue sky with clouds in every shade of blue, it was beautiful, I knew it was beautiful, but I didn’t feel like it was beautiful, my brain was confused, how can I know something but not feel it, looking around the outside world I noticed the small garden below the staircase of the house, people started to go out of their homes, some was walking, some in their cars or bicycles, guys and girls jogging with headphones, everything looks so unreal, as if I am staring at a TV screen not an actual window.

Author's Note

this is a couple of pages, i hope i get feedback from you guys