night duel

this pic goes with the poem - is there a way to get the image up too?

time's notes play swift
fall's mulled wine
spills

forms dawdle on
winter's tone
grim

unease sits shamed
exits lost
mock

scripts worn thin
exposed raw
glare

guns drawn force
night's daunting
task

address burnt site
tools of threat
loom

see beyond
fear's harsh hold
come

know faith's hand
offers truce
hope

Author's Note

I'm new here and this is my first poem posted on this site. I trust there are some copyright protections in place?

I'm always open to constructive criticism - I may not always implement the suggestions but I will consider them carefully and value them highly.

Reviews

[kitty blur]

I really REALLY enjoyed reading this. It had a sense of impending doom but ended on a light note that tied it up in a way that didn't leave me hanging. The rhythm of this is powerful, and I was pleased with your combinations of words - they gave me really nice bits of imagery and kept me interested in reading further. I can't really explain my interpretation of the story, but I don't even mind. Your poem made me feel something, which I think is the most important part.

If I had any critiques, it'd be that my particularity in rhythmic poems is telling me that the amount of syllables in lines 19 and 20 should be switched. I liked the 3, 2, 1 set-up in the other lines. Although your opening line doesn't follow that pattern exactly, I still think it's nice on its own. So my critique is a small thing that probably only matters to me.

Other than that, congratulations on posting your first poem. :) It turned out very nicely, and I hope to read more from you because your writing style intrigues me.