Just One Puff...

I've seen it before and now I'm seeing it again... I need to vent

One,

Just one puff.

Nothing will happen with

A single inhale.

Two.

Just one more

It's not like I like it,

I just want to know

How it feels.

Three,

It's nothing.

I'll drop it right now.

I don't need it, I swear.

Four,

I don't care.

It's my choice, my life.

I can do what I want.

One,

Just one little pill

And I promise,

I'll stop.

Two,

I didn't feel anything

I just want to know

How it feels.

Now

I'm flying but

Don't worry, it's no big deal

I'm not addicted.

Now.

I'm spiraling,

But the feeling is amazing.

I'm free of all worries.

~ ~ ~

It's been so long

I can't quit now,

I don't even want to.

I just wish they'd leave me alone.

I keep telling them

"I'm fine. Stop worrying!"

But they won't butt out,

Or stop intervening.

I'm so sick of all the

"We're worried about you,

Please, stop. Please!"

It drives me crazy.

~ ~ ~

It's been months

Since she stopped talking to me.

Her mother doesn't want

Me around her.

When she told me why,

I got mad.

So she said," Me,

Or the drugs. You can't have both."

I watched her walk away,

Filled to the brim with anger.

Betrayed by my own family,

I feel lonely.

~ ~ ~

My parents know,

I knew it was a matter of time

But I thought it would be later.

I need a smoke.

They've searched my room

for my stash.

They won't find it,

I hid it too well.

They're sending me to a counsellor.

I don't really mind,

But it's a useless effort.

I'm not changing.

I think they finally gave up.

It only took five months.

They don't care anymore,

I'm free.

~ ~ ~

Life is hard,

Harder than it ever was.

It didn't think I'd ever find myself here

On the street, wanting my next fix.

I find myself

On my friend's doorstep

And she lets me in.

She's sorry she left me.

While she's in the other room,

I sneak her ring from her dresser.

I con this to pay for

the energy that fuels my body.

~ ~ ~

I'm so cold.

Why am I so cold?

Inhale, it doesn't warm me

The way it used to.

I'm still cold,

Shivering, can't get warm.

The drugs I work so hard for

Don't work their magic anymore.

Too long,

I waited too long to stop.

I can't stop,

I can't now.

It's too late,

far too late.

She was right.

I want to stop!

It's cold.

Why is it so cold?

I'll inhale again,

Maybe it'll warm me up.

~ ~ ~ A Year Later ~ ~ ~

"She was my friend,

My cousin, almost a sister.

Not a day goes by

That I don't miss her.

"I don't know what happened

To make her do what  she did.

I guess she was more lost

Than anyone guessed.

"Her face will be forever

Engraved in my heart and mind

Even though she didn't care

If she left me behind.

"I just have one regret:

That I never got to say

Exactly what I wanted.

It might have made her change.

"I'll love you forever,

You'll never be forgotten.

I only wish - with all my heart -

You'd taken the help that you were given..."

Author's Note

More narrative than anything else, I find it adds a bit of a personal feel to the piece.
This is more a release for me. I'm so tired of all the drama that's going on, I needed to vent. Sadly, this isn't fictitious..
But treat as though it were and give me your thoughts on it. I'm anxious to hear what you have to say.

Reviews

[Gone]

Nicely written. It brought tears to my eyes. I've seen this happen too many times. I knew as I read it you have been there too. All I can say is guard your heart by refusing to let regret, self blame, anger or bitterness gain a hold.

With most of them, there really isn't anything you can say or do that will make any difference. They have to reach their own rock bottom before they will find the motivation they need. Sadly, only a small percentage ever do.

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

This write was sad...because so many people are doing this lately it's ridiculous now. I don't understand why people insist on ruining themselves. My third cousin OD'd when he was on drugs. I swore never to do them...this was emotion...I liked it though. Good write. Thanks for sharing.

[Tate Morgan]

Well that tells the tale that fits the bill of everyone who ever fell into addiction that i have known It changes your outlook and changes the way the mind thinks .It is a hard deal to break

[Forest Green]

Uniquely revealed...the ties that bind us one to another, or one another to the bonds of love, vs. addiction. All the while there is that very troubling competition with what we cannot change.

Nicely stated...

Steel

[reminder]

Beautifully unwinding story of addiction's subtle course. Wonderful wordsmithing. Well done!

[Rossen]

makes me think of cannabis stepping stone bs.

[Shawn Killian]

WoW. As a person who recently kicked drug habit, i have to tell you, how well you have written the misery and agony of it.
I love your writing, i have yet to find somethin gthat i don't like

[Silvario]

I like the format you use with this piece. That plus excellent word choice helps the story flow from start to finish. A strong message delivered, quite obviously, from the heart. Personally I've never had to deal with an issue as this from any perspective and yet even I couldn't help but feel for the subject and take to heart the message.

A wonderful piece penned with obvious talent yet again.
Well done.

[Jim Parson]

This one hits close to home for me, Eva. It drives a dagger in the heart of those that watch helplessly. It's a very moving piece, forcing emotions to the surface and slapping them in the face. I hope this gains a wider audience so that perhaps someone that really needs to hear these words stumbles across it. Very nicely done.

[HighBrowCulture]

requiem for a dream. thorn stanzas. reminds me of desire's impulse.. the flower jasmine.. sandman. syd barret, an artist in decay, perhaps, fated- the slaughterhosue waits with open arms.