June 24th, 2010

I've scared myself to sleep all the time, but I've never scared myself into consciousness before.

  I was sitting at the corner off the art hallway in school when my best friend and cousin, Alexa, came up to me. She was crying. "Alexa," I started as she took a seat beside me. "What's wrong?"

 Quickly, she wiped her eyes. "Do I look alright?" She asked, her voice thick from crying.

  "Yes," I sighed. "But what's wrong? You never cry during school?"

  She opened her mouth, but broke down crying again. I draped my arm over her shoulder and wrapped her in a tight embrace. Her shoulders shook. "Kaitlyn's dead..."

  "What?" I couldn't believe it. "What do you mean she's dead?"

  Alexa pulled out of my arms and turned to face me. Her beautiful blue eyes were bloodshot, her face was red. She had deep bags under her eyes. "She had an accident... She was driving with her boyfriend and he..." She broke down again.

  "He what?" I demanded. "Was he drunk? What?!"

  She nodded. 

  "Oh, Alexa. I- I'm so sorry." I wrapped my arms around her again and she fell into my chest. She was past crying now, she was bawling and there was nothing I could do to console her. Her best friend was dead. How do you take that kind of hurt away. I didn't know at the time, but Alexa did.

~~~ The Next Day ~~~

  I woke up early, about six, then trudged off to the shower. I thought about Alexa alone all night in that big empty house, crying her heart out. Quickly, I finished up, dried off, then dressed. 

  Once upstairs, I picked up the Times & Transcripts and started flipping through it. I don't read the main columns unless it's something huge like an arson or murder. But, today, the front page caught my eye. Riverview Teen Found Dead. I quickly jumped to the page the article was found on and continued reading.

  "Alexa Lend, seventeen year old girl from the metro area, was found dead last night in her room. Parents say that they came home from vacation and found her in her room, dead."

  That was all I could read.

  I jumped to the picture that they had provided, praying to God that it was another Alexa Lend. But, sure enough, there was my best friend lying on her back across her bed, her wrist slashed open. A small white page lay on her TV stand. That's what I felt the tears running down my face. Alexa, my best friend, had killed herself. I threw down the paper and jumped into the car, not bothering to leave mom a note. I pushed away the tears that threatened to spill and sped to Alexa's house. Once there, I jumped out of the car and hammered on the door.

  "Czarina?" Martha asked upon opening the door. "What are you doing here?"

  I didn't know what to say, so I settled for, "I saw the front page today... I-" A lump caught in my throat. "I needed to-..."

  "You wanted to see her, didn't you?" By this point, Martha was crying now too.

  I nodded. 

  "I'm sorry, sweetheart, she was rushed away in an ambulance." She paused, trying to maintain what little self control she still had. "But, you can read this." She said as she handed me a small, folded, white piece of paper.

  I took the page carefully and unfolded. Inside was Alexa's writing.

Then I woke up... Crying...

Author's Note

... I don't know what to say about this...
Sorry if there are any grammar mistakes.