Chapter 18

   I want to get out of here. I stand up and wobble a little bit before hesitating at that moment I was able to push away from the wall, and then head out of the doorway. I can hear Charlotte's footsteps walking behind mine.
   "Jude wait." She grabs my arm. We're in the front room now. "Please."
   I stop walking and turn around to face her. I can't see her face, but I can feel her breath against my skin.
   "Why do you keep running away from everything?"
   "Why do you insist on calling it 'running away'? What exactly is it that I'm running from?"
   "There's no need to be harsh Jude. I'm just trying to understand you better. Your mom is scared. You're dying-"
   "And what exactly is it that you want me to do about it?" I yell. Charlotte doesn't respond. "Everyone has their coping mechanisms. Am I not allowed to have mine?"
   "Jude your coping mechanism is unhealthy. Theirs is too I suppose but it's healthy in the natural way. You can't keep killing yourself."
   "Why not?" I shake my head and turn back towards the door. "This is such bullshit."
   "Hey!" Charlotte screams, running after me. "Where are you going?"
   "I'm replacing one addiction with another."
   The light blinds me as I step outside, but I keep walking without a falter in my step.
   "Don't you dare go and do drugs!"
   I swing around. "What the f**k do you know about anything? About my life? About my family? Nothing! So don't go around telling me what to do."
   Charlotte's eyes begin to water. "F**k you Jude."
   Anger rises in my veins. The hurt that hit me when I stepped into my childhood room becomes alive now more than ever, and all I could think about was getting something to ease it. I put my face close to hers, locking my jaw. "No thank you. You were f*****g lousy anyways."
    The expression that becomes her face causes me to tear my eyes away from hers and continue walking towards the street. As soon as I turn the corner Theresa and Isaac are there.
   "Jude?"
   "What the f**k was that mom?" I point down the street. "What the f**k was that?"
   She pushes me. "Don't ever scream at me like that again. You need some goddamn respect." She furrows her eyebrows. "What the hell are you even talking about?"
   "My room?" I raise my eyebrows.
   Her face droops. "You broke into my house?"
   "It's my house too."
   "Oh shut up." Isaac grabs my arm. "Come on, we need to get you back to the rehab."
   "Let go of me," I snarl. "I'm not going anywhere."
   Theresa slaps my arm. "Where's that pretty girl of yours?"
   "Probably crying her eyes out down there," I say pointing.
   "Why?" Isaac takes a step closer to me, puffing out his chest. "What did you do to her?"
   I narrow my eyes at him, standing up at my tallest. "I told her she was a lame f**k."
   Isaac's hand comes up and smacks me across the cheek. White hot pain creeps into my jaw and a quiet ringing echoes in my ear.
   "Have we taught you nothing?" Isaac yells at me.
   I rub my cheek. "No dad, you taught me everything." I try to push past him but he grabs me again.
   I lean back and punch him straight across the face. "Don't ever f*****g grab me again."
   Theresa grabs me arm and starts dragging me up the street towards the soup kitchen. "You're going back to rehab even if I don't want you to." She stops and looks me in the eyes. "I can tell you aren't doing so well out here."

    "I'm f*****g fine," I said, trying to yank my arm out of her grasp.

    "No, you're not." She continues dragging me. I turn around to see Isaac turn the corner, most likely to see if Charlotte was all right.

    I let Theresa take me back to the soup kitchen where my parents and sister are waiting by their SUV.

    "There you are," my sister sighs. "I was getting worried."

    "I told you guys I wouldn't be coming back."

    "Obviously another lie," my dad mumbles.

    Theresa shoves me into the SUV. "Go back to rehab. I'll call you tomorrow. And you better apologize to Charlotte."

     "Whatever."

     "No." She slaps my hand. "You probably scarred that girl for life."

     "What did he do?" My mom asked.

     "None of your business," I say harshly. "Can we just leave please?"

     My mom sighs and they all get in the car. She pulls away from the curb and starts to head back towards the rehabilitation center. The car ride back is silent, just like it was on the way to the soup kitchen. I don't mind. I don't feel like talking. My mom looks back at me through the rear view mirror a few times, and it makes me feel uncomfortable. So I make awkward eye contact with her, and she stops. When we pull up the rehab center Drew is standing outside with his arms crossed against his chest. As soon as I get out of the car he begins walking towards me.

    "Where the hell have you been?"

    "I went out with my visitors. You said I could if it was my family right?"

    "Yes, but you have to let us know first. You can't just leave. God damn it Jude."

    "I apologize. Whatever."

    "Where is Charlotte? Did Charlotte go with you?"

    I shrug my shoulders and inch past him towards the door. But Drew grabs my arm.

    "F**k off!" I yell. "I'm sick of people touching me! I don't know where Charlotte is. I yelled at her and she left okay? I'm sure she's just fine. She's a big girl, she can find her god damn way home. Now leave me the f**k alone, I want to go sleep." I pull my arm out of his hand and head inside, clomping down the hallway towards my room. As soon as I get inside I fall face first onto the bed and squeeze the comforter between my fingers.

   I had made things so much more fucked up than they needed to be. I found myself hurting because of everything, and I wanted an answer as how to make it go away. So I closed my eyes, and fell asleep.

Author's Note

I know it's bad. It's what I call an awkward transition chapter, where I haven't written a chapter in a while and I'm trying to push it towards my current idea of where the story is moving but I keep pausing and it takes me two hours to post a four paragraph chapter. I know I need to work on them. But I'll make up for it.