Chapter 15

  I never want to let her go. She feels so right in my arms, and I hated myself for not being a different man back when I had a chance to keep her nested on my body before. I hated that I had found her and would have to give her up.
   "I wish you could stay the night."
   "They would notice if I didn't leave. I've already stayed past school hours."
   "They're too stupid to know if anyone leaves. I could walk out of here right now and they wouldn't notice until the midnight rounds." I sigh.
   Charlotte pulls away but allows me to keep my arms around her. "I'll be back tomorrow. I'll be waiting for you when you walk in to breakfast."
   "You swear?" I felt stupid saying that.
   "I promise."
   I lean in to kiss her but she pulls away. "Tomorrow. It'll be all the more better."
   I smile and she returns it. She stares at me for one more moment before pulling out of my arms and walking out of the two revolving doors towards her car. I watch her look back at me as she approaches her car. Then she gets in and drives away. I stand there for a minute or two staring at where her car was and think to myself. What's happened here? Suddenly it feels like Charlotte happened. I take a deep breath and try to get her out of my mind so that my chest can stop aching. I'd always wondered about the kind of love that hurts, about whether or not it really existed. I felt a pain for her. I disliked that pain. It reminded me that in only a few months from now Charlotte would no longer be in my arms.

   I stick my hands in my pockets and walk towards the cafeteria for dinner. Maybe the afterlife would be just Charlotte and I, where I would still be able to be with her. I walk inside the doors and grab a tray, putting some food on my plate and then sitting down at the empty table in the middle.

   I didn't want this to continue, because I was too scared of being without her. But I knew that this would be my only chance to find something real before the life I had wasted was ended. I picked at my mashed potatoes. It would only happen to me; having a s****y wasted life and then getting something great right before you have to leave it.

   Someone else comes to sit at the table. I look up to see Alec.

   "What's up?"

   I stare at him. "What the f**k are you doing here?"

   "I always come to sit with you." He puts a forkful of mashed potatoes in his mouth and raises his eyebrows at me. "Don't I?"

   "Well sure, except that earlier today I punched you because you told me you would bang Charlotte."

   He shrugged. "All in the past dude, all in the past." He looks at me closely, narrowing his eyes. Then he leans back in his chair with a wide smile.

   "What?"

   "Jude you totally hit that."

   "I'm sorry, I hit what?"

   He rolled his eyes. "You had sex with Charlotte didn't you?"

   My eyes go wide. "I didn't, who said I did?"

   "Man, it's written all over your face that you had sex today. You can tell when a man has had sex. I mean real sex, not masturbation."

   "Maybe I just really missed my own penis."

   "No man ever misses their own penis." Alec leans forward. "So, you did right?"

   I stare at him for a moment and then sigh. "Just don't tell anyone, I'll get busted and put back in my room."

   "S**t! Was it after our talk in therapy?"

   I nodded.

   "She was probably thinking you were a gentleman with your "she's not someone you bang" talk, huh?"

   I laugh. "Yeah, something like that."

   Alec eats some more of his food. "Dang, I knew that was going to happen. You both had the chemistry. So what now?"

   I shrug. "I guess whatever."

   He shakes his head. "No, not whatever. Are you just going to be friends with benefits, bang buddies?"

   I look down at my tray. "I think we're in a relationship."

   "A relationship? The good girl is in a relationship with the crack addict? How much more cliché can you get?"

   I laugh. "F**k you."

   That night the moon is too bright. I stare at the window and wonder about Charlotte. When Drew knocks on the door at breakfast, I haven't slept at all. I'm in a daze as I slip on my jeans and a John Lennon t-shirt. I walk towards the cafeteria with the other patients and when I walk through the doors I see Charlotte sitting at my empty table in the middle, an apple in hand. Suddenly someone slaps me hard on the back. It's Alec.

   "Charlotte looks hot today."

   I smile at him sarcastically. "Go away."

   Alec laughs and goes to get a tray. I walk up to Charlotte who turns at the sound of my foot steps.

   "Hey." Her eyes are bright.

   "I'm not really all that hungry so...."

   She smiles. "I already had breakfast."

   We walk towards the exit unseen and hurry down the hall towards my room. When the door is shut Charlotte is all over me, our lips moving so fast against each others that I barely have time to think. She winds her arms around my neck, pushing our faces closer. My arms are constricted around her. She pulls away.

   "Not kissing you last night before I left was a mistake."

   I kiss her softly. "Not if this happens every time we see each other."

   "I wish we could spend all day together."

   "We'll be able to once I get out of here."

   Charlotte kisses me again, and it felt like a hammer was beating a nail into my chest. The door suddenly opens and we tear apart from each other, rearranging our clothes as fast as possible. Drew stands there, looking back and forth between Charlotte and me.

   "Did I interrupt something?"

   "Just our interview."

   Drew stares at me. "You aren't at breakfast. That's against the rules."

   "I wasn't hungry."

   "That doesn't matter, you're required to eat something. I don't care how full your stomach is." Then he looks over at Charlotte. "Charlotte can I talk to you outside for a moment?"

   I furrow my eyebrows at this question, and watch as Charlotte walks out of the room with Drew, the door shutting behind them. I stand there uncomfortably for a moment before going and sitting down on my bed. Five minutes passed before the door opens again and Charlotte returns, her head bowed. Drew stands at the door, watching her walk towards me.

   "Jude, you have visitors waiting for you. You have a lot, actually."

   I lick my lips and nod. "I'll be there in a second."

   Charlotte sits down next to me on the bed. I stare at her profile as her head remains bowed.

   "Are you all right Charlotte?"

   She nods and looks up at me. "He was just reminding me of the responsibility I had as a visitor and about the rules and all that. Nothing serious."

   She doesn't look like she's telling the truth, but I let it be for now. "Okay, well care to come meet my visitors with me?"

   She nods and we head out.