Chapter 7

   I sit on my bed, faced away from the door after Charlotte leaves. I stare at my hands with their palms up and watch them shake. I remember a joke my friends used to tell me when I was little. If your hand is bigger than your face, you have cancer. Then when you put your hand up to your face to see if it was true, they would smack your hand into your face. I fell for it every time.
   I guess it caught up with me. I let my head drop down to my chest and bring my hands up to run through my hair. I never thought there was  reason not to do drugs. It was a way to pass time, to get me out of my misery until my body decided my time was done. There was no harm in it. Sure I'd get bad damage, but I didn't have to live my life with it all. I close my eyes.
   The cancer ran in my biological family. Issac had it. He thought the same as me. Why not? I'm gonna bite it sooner or later, why not do stuff and feel good while you wait for the wave to come? I'd never allowed close connections with people. That's why I avoided my family, and Theresa and Issac. That's why I did most of my s**t alone. I let myself fall back onto my bed. I didn't have much time until the bright lights came, I let myself remember.

~~~

   "We got your tests back," my doctor told me as I sat against the ice cold table. "The cancer is spreading through your body faster then we thought it would. We didn't think the process would start for at least another year or so." He makes a face. "The drugs don't help, you know. In fact, they could be the cause of such a head start."
   I won't cry. There's no reason to cry. I wasn't scared of death.
   "Jude, you don't have much time."
   I pause. "Do you know how much time I have left?"
   The doctor shrugged and sat down on the blindingly white stool beside the door. "It's hard to tell actually. The cancer moves at different rates each time. I would say that the maximum time you have is at least 7 months to a year."
   I exhale loudly.
   "I'm real sorry Jude." He sounds like he means it.

~~~

   I sigh. That's why I hated this stupid project the most. I didn't like getting personal with people. Even my therapist who knows about it. All the staff here know about it. They always want to talk about it, to see how I'm doing. But it won't change anything. Being in this stupid room makes me unhappy because when I'm in here all I can do is think, and thinking is one of my worst enemies. I rub my face. And worst of all, Charlotte has to be the one who has to know all of this. I know she doesn't give a s**t, which makes it all worse. I get up, fury suddenly hitting me in the gut. I open my door to see Drew standing outside.
   "Drew, I need a word with you." I can hear the anger in my tone.
   "Sure, what is it Jude?" He seems hesitant.
   "Why'd you let me be in this stupid project? It's not like it'll matter anyways what happens."
   He furrows his eyebrows. "What makes you think that?"
   "I'm convinced there won't even be enough time to finish this project for me."
   "All the more reason you should do it. Who knows, maybe something great will happen for you. Maybe then you can have happy memories." He smiles sarcastically.
   I slam my door in his face. I throw myself onto my bed and close my eyes. I sleep away the pain.

Author's Note

Sorry I know it's reaaaaaaaally short.