Chapter 5

   It smells of stale bread. I'm wasting my time sitting in a small, claustrophobic room with a woman who wears long dresses and 80's beads, that smells of stale bread. I try hard not to breathe. I look to my left and watch Charlotte. Her hair is pushed behind her ear, a careless gesture to pass time. Her eyes stare at my therapists desk as we wait for her to enter. I can feel her tense from across the couch as she realizes I'm looking at her. I lean back.
   "I bet you're just as excited to be here as I am."
   "You don't ever stop talking do you?" She still doesn't look at me.
   "Not really no, but that should be just excellent for your project, huh? I guess I kind of owe you, since I got you a B and all on the science project." I widen my eyes. "The horror."
   "Can we not talk?" She looks at me, finally. Her lips are hard. "I'm going to have to listen to you talk for the next few weeks and I'd like to start as late as possible if you don't mind."
   "Stanford doesn't like procrastinators Charlotte. Better clean up your act."
   She looked like she was about to scream when the door opens and my therapist walks in. I smile widely.
   "Ms. Enderson. How nice to see you. How are you this lively day?"
   Ms. Enderson sits down with a smug smile as she puts on her glasses. "Good morning Jude. Why is there a young lady in here with us today?"
   "She's doing a project for school where she listens in on all this crap and writes s**t about it." I could see Charlotte's glare from the corner of my eye.
   Ms. Enderson's face is blank. "Sounds delightful." She looks down at the manila folder resting on her desk. She takes off her glasses and leans back in her chair. "So, Jude, I heard about the tussle you had with your father the other day. How did that make you feel?"
   "Quite nice actually. It felt good to sock his face." I narrowed my eyes. "You don't always get a chance to hit your dad in the face."
   She sighed. "Perhaps you could lose the sarcasm."
   "It hurt," I replied truthfully. "But it wasn't like I wasn't expecting it. Something bad had to happen or else our family would malfunction and blow up into little tiny pieces."
   "And what makes you think that?"
   "I don't know, the fact that I've lived with them half of my life."
   My therapist leans forward. "Have you heard from Theresa and Issac at all? Have they sent you any letters?"
   I bite my bottom lip and look at the ground. "No."
   "How about your sister? Was she with your parents when they visited?"
   "I haven't talked to my sister since her wedding."
   She nods. "Jude, I want to talk with you more about your situation." She glances at Charlotte.
   "I don't want to talk about it," I say.
   "You need to talk about it sooner or later."
   "No. I don't."
   "What situation?"
   I turn to look at Charlotte. "Aren't you supposed to be quiet?"
   "Shut up, I was just asking."
   "Well it's none of your f*****g business." I look back at the ground.
   My therapist sighs. "Watch your language please Jude. Can we talk more about Theresa and Issac?"
   I lick my lips. "I told you, I haven't heard from them."
   "How does it make you feel that they haven't contacted you in some time?"
   "Alone."
   She tilts her head to the side. "How so?"
   I shrug my shoulders. "What do you mean how so? I feel god damn alone."
   "Do you feel as though perhaps they don't care?"
   "Maybe they're just busy. It's not like I really give a damn." I start making circles on my leg. "Besides, it's stupid that they decided to stay in contact. We all should have just moved on when it didn't matter."
   "I'm sorry," I heard Charlotte cut in. "But who exactly are Theresa and Issac?"
   My therapist looked at me, and then at Charlotte. "Theresa and Issac are Jude's biological parents. Jude was adopted into the family he is now in. They kept an open adoption."
   A silent "oh" came out of Charlotte's mouth before she began writing on her pad of paper she had sitting on her lap.
   "Jude," my therapist continued, "when exactly was the last time you heard from them?"
   "A month ago. Theresa called to tell me Issac got out on bail and that she had been meaning to call, yadda yadda yadda. She also wanted to see how my situation was." I tucked my bottom lip under my top lip.
   "What else did she say?"
   "She said that she had a client waiting and needed to go."
   "A client."
   "A guy." I looked up at my therapist from under my eyelashes. "She just calls them clients to me as if I care what she does."
   "And have your mother and Theresa spoken?"
   "No. As far as I'm concerned my mom hates Theresa's guts." I laugh.
   "Is that funny to you?" My therapist asks.
   I smile. "Yes Kathy," I say, using her first name. "Yes, I think it is incredibly funny."
   She sighs. "Well alright Jude, that's all the time we have today. You talked a lot today, which is good. I think this girl is good luck." She smiles. "Bring her next time."
   I stand up. "Oh yes Kathy, I'll be sure to bring her in next time." I wink as she rolls her eyes and I open the door for Charlotte. "Ladies first." I follow her out and Drew is waiting.
   "Okay, right this way. We're gonna head to your room Jude so that Charlotte can interview you. The game room is already taken up."
   "Oh, my room." I wink at Charlotte and she sticks her finger down her throat with a grimace.
   "Where," Drew laughs, "I will be chaperoning."
   "Can't do that Drew," I cluck. "Getting all of my hopes and dreams up and then letting them fail. But hey, that's already happened so I guess it doesn't matter."
   Drew sighs and I look down at the floor, feeling my own sorrow. I straighten up quick as we approach my room. I enter first and throw myself onto the reasonably comfortable mattress.
   "Let's get this started." I smile.