Chapter 4

   I stare out across the lunchroom. I'm the only one sitting alone. I like it better that way, otherwise it makes me feel like someone is holding an intervention. I bite my lip and look down at my tray full of food. I pick at the mush on my plate with my fork, and begin to make slow small circles. Circles always calmed me. When I lay at bed at night, I draw circles on my stomach to help me relax enough to fall asleep. When I get aggravated I draw circles on whatever surface I can find. It's a steady continuous motion, something I never had in my life.
   I hear the doors to the lunchroom open and I look up under my eyelashes to see a horde of students enter, all wearing the same identification around their necks. I look harder and recognize them as the group of students who had walked in on my fight with my father. Embarrassment filled my cheeks and I looked back down at my food, working my circles in faster. A bell rings and I return my eyes to the group. Drew is standing beside them, and I identify him as the one who rang the bell.
   "Listen up. I want you all to welcome these students from Birmingham High School. They are here for a project. Only some of you have been chosen for this project, and in a moment, those of you who were chosen will have one of these lovely students beside you."
   I panic. I stand up with my tray. I need to get out of here before one of them sits down beside me.
   "Hold it Jude."
   I gulp back the ache in my chest and freeze. My name echoes through out the room, and the sound of it makes my head hurt.
   "You're a part of this project, so sit your a*s down."
   I turn back towards the group but I don't put my tray back down. "I don't get a choice in this?"
   Drew raised an eyebrow. "You're in here because you couldn't make good choices Jude, so no, you don't."
   "I don't respect that," I replied. "I don't want to do some stupid a*s project with some person I hardly know. You think I feel like sharing my personal life with some kid who doesn't care?"
   "Pity." Drew clucks. "Now sit the f**k down."

   I throw my tray onto the table and sit down.
   "Thank you." He turns back towards the students and the chatter starts up again.

   I push my tray away from me and start to make small, fast circles on my pant leg.

   "Dude, whats up with the pity party?"

   I look up to see Alec sit down in front of me with his tray of food.

   "Nothing."

   Alec rolls his eyes. "Whatever. I'm excited, maybe I'll get a hot chick."

   I smile a little bit and then look up as someone else joins us at the table. My finger freezes on my pants. Her hair was like fire. I recognized her now. I smile.

   "Charlotte Wickheiser."

   The girl looks at me with blank eyes. "You know my name?"

   "I went to Birmingham High School. Until of course I got thrown in here. You're the Queen of the school. Everyone knows your name."

   Charlotte stares at me harder. "You're Jude aren't you? The kid who came into class every day stoned as hell." The corner of her mouth twitched. "You got me a B on my science final and beat up my boyfriend."

   I raised an eyebrow. "We got a B? Sweet."

   "Yeah for you! If I want to get into Stanford I need an A."

   I lick my lips. "What's this project?"

   She let out a long breath and turned to look at Alec. "Can you please leave?"

   Alec held up his hands as if surrendering and left the table, winking at me as he left.

   "This project," she began, "is the biggest project of the year. It's kind of like a community service thing. We're assigned to a person in a bothered facility and we have to interview them, do something for them that helps change their life and then write an essay on it."

   "Sounds like a downer."

   "Only because you don't give a s**t about anything."

   I frowned. "Maybe you shouldn't jump to conclusions."

   "I will if I want." She narrowed her eyes and leaned forward. "I know you, Jude, even if you don't know it. I know your type. The hardcore drug addict who makes their life worse than it really is. The type that shuts out everyone else because you're really too cool for help, but are desperately crying out for it every day."

   I leaned forward, getting my face close to hers. "And I know you, Charlotte. The girl who tells everyone she's got her life planned out from day one, when really her family plans every living day of her life for her. You expect the best out of everyone because everyone expects the best out of you. Oh yeah and, you're really just a big s**t who likes to sleep around with people who actually do give a s**t about you, but you just really don't care. You're trying to find an escape, just like me. We're not that different, Charlotte."

   She looked like she wanted to slap me. "At least I didn't storm in on my sisters wedding high on crack."

   A sharp pain spreads through my chest. I grit my teeth. "You don't know anything about that, so don't you dare act like you do."

   "God you're such a prick."

   "And you're such a s**t."

   "F**k up."

   "Mannequin."

   Charlotte pushed me away from her face and leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms. I raised an eyebrow with a slight smile and leaned back in my chair as well, resting my hands on my legs.

   "I hate you. I don't want to do this," she said.

   "Your choice. If you want to get into Stanford you're gonna need an A." I raised my eyebrows. "Right?"

   Charlotte glared at me, but was interrupted by Drew. "Hey, Jude, you've got an appointment with your therapist, and you need to take your medication." He turned to look at Charlotte. "You're welcome to sit in on it, as long as it's alright with Jude."

   I got up. "What doesn't she already know about me?"

   Drew smiled. "Good. Then right this way."