Return to ficticious love

A poem with A twist

Return To Fictitious Love

Gazing into your oceans of blue
This is where our false love grew
Sitting across a sheet of white
You acted as the flame
and my heart did ignite

Curls winding and resting
upon your shoulder
Lace my hand with these curls
Hoping, wishing
together we grow older

Stone cold, your gaze
disappears from view
Ice forms around my heart
Your feelings subdue

Smile?
more like cracks
Shattering my soul
A perfect face for the family
This morticians goal

That one meal I imagine
Could be how we met
My own little dream world
To this otherwise bleak set  

Whilst preparing the bodies
My mind often strays
The girl I’m preparing
An actor to one of my plays

Author's Note

Just thought I would take a stab at a surreal poem

what you think?

please give honest reviews as always

Reviews

Irregular but very interesting structure .. multiple layers of meaning depending on how the reader chooses to interpret ... this is a good write here .

[Rose Masen]

"Smile?
more like cracks
Shattering my soul"

AND

"Whilst preparing the bodies
My mind often strays
The girl I’m preparing
An actor to one of my plays"

Most amazing lines I've ever read! These could probably stand alone because of such strength and meaning behind them. Lovely job.

[Quinn Blackburn]

Excellent work! Your talent shines through everything you try your hand at, well done!

[Alvin L. Kathembe]

interesting...very, though i don't quite understand the last stanza...but thats kinda the point of a surreal poem, innit? :) great work as always!

[M.Babu]

very good one here. I think you should keep experimenting with this...it has mad potential! Good one!

[Samantha ~virginpoet]

loved this it was unique and different morbid and beautiful

[Dilan Gray]

I liked this poem a lot, the images were great and I liked the ending.

[Stef Outsiders]

Simply... Genius!!...

[laughinglullaby]

this is a really good write i love the pace and everything . i enjoyed this piece a lot. keep up the great work.

[trainwreck]

You did a fantastic job on this, which really didn't surprise me at all. You're a great writer.