The Ride Home

Rag Doll Series

The Ride Home

Innocent little Jessica observes her new little doll
Gazing into her black buttoned eyes deep into her soul
The mother pays no attention the rag doll begins to move
Squealing with excitement Jessica is eager to prove
"See look mommy Casey’s moving she did walk to me"
Mother paying no attention “yes that’s nice sweet pea”

The doll looks up at Jessica strangulation one of the needs
“awww mommy she’s reaching out can I have her beads?”

Reaching to the passenger seat
to the box where the beads remain
Passing back to Jessica when she first notices the stain
“mommy there’s a red spot on little Casey’s dress”
“I will clean it when I get home”
another job to add to her stress
Casey notices the intention and refrains from reaching out
Once those beads put her to sleep they will remain no doubt

Jessica holds the beads in hand
they glow and swirl in amber
Arrival at the new rag dolls home
The stairs Jessica starts to clamber

In her room she places the beads around Casey’s neck
But the clasp not fully closed and Jessica didn’t check
The door slams as the girl exits
Casey begins to smile
For when she returns home and goes to bed
the bodies will start to pile

Author's Note

How Am I doing with these?? I just wanted to cause some suspense with this one and make sure that everything is covered from my original submission

please give honest reviews as always and any suggestions where you want this to go i'm open to ideas

Reviews

[Shelby]

Ooh, creepy. There's something about dolls just in and of themselves that creep me out, and you've successfuly put the freakish idea into words. And the suspense is a nice touch, always a must for the horror writers. I love, also, that you've put it into poem form, but it's a story as well. Very effective. You've drawn me in and I am eager to read on, so well done. You have an interesting style of writing, dark unusual, and in some ways, you remind me of Neil Gaiman. Which is a compliment in my book, pardon the pun. You push the boundaries, not just in subject but in structure and style, which is good to see. You experiment with your work and it's obviously done wonders for you because your work is very edgy and powerful, which is really the point of our work. So well done and thank you for sharing this with me.

[Short.Nerd]

Nice!

[Becky Lawrence]

'the bodies will start to pile' that line all on its own just created so much suspense... It's crazy how you write this well.

[Dilan Gray]

I liked the images in this poem. This story has been an interesting one and I really like it.

[Thea Fuentebella]

OOLALA there we go.. the bodies will start to pile...in the next chapter, right? :)
i haven't read or watched a horror story/movie in a long time, and this one's deliciously fulfilling to my eyes. beautiful...just..BEAUTIFUL.
Dude, YOU INSPIRE ME (and i'm sure it's not just me) ;)

Thanks
Thea

[Kiri Nells]

Love these! Great suspension and it's creative/original. Can't wait for more!

[John Jackson (El Juero)]

REDRUM!

[northern monkey]

Very imaginative, sinister and skilful. This is a well-worked example of a well-worked genre. There's a famous old British movie in which a ventriloquist's dummy gradually gains personality and strength, until attempting to take over its 'master'.

[Katie]

Other than my suggestion of compliling them in a book from before...I have no suggestions on what to do with the storyline.
I liked this one, It succesfully built up some suspense for the next poem. It gave the reader a bit of hope that the child would survive, but of course, we can assume she wont.
I enjoyed this poem. Everything seemed to flow fairly naturally, if not a little broken up at the end. Great Work

Hey I see this is a part of a series so maybe there is a big part at the beginning that I have already missed out is it ? However , even read as a standalone poem this is nice enough .. reminds me of child's play .
Good work .