Transforming (A Heartless Torture)

Transforming (A Heartless Torture)

A Poem by {A}shley {B}lack @-;-
"

A Collaboration With Gwen Goad

"
Transforming 
(A Heartless Torture)

Such a laugh I’ve had toying with your mind
pretending I’m a nice person 
whilst transforming all the time
being there for you obtaining your trust
allowing you to confide in me,
your feelings now crushed to dust
I built up your confidence
knowing I was always there
little did you know I never really did care
I told you to be at the same place every single day 
talked to you for a week or two
and then just went away
leaving you to wonder,
leaving you in tears,
leaving with no real answer
death among your fears 
As I slowly corrupt your mind 
you're staying awake all night
I know I’m torturing your heart
my darkness shades your light
will you ever catch on you gullible little s**t
I won’t stop until I know
your wrists have been left cut
I want to destroy your perception of love
so all you feel is hate
read my words of wisdom
lock your f*****g gate 

© 2011 {A}shley {B}lack @-;-


Author's Note

{A}shley {B}lack @-;-
The Second collaboration With Gwen Goad Its been a long time coming read her poem "lived through the darkness" please read and review both honestly

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This sounds like something Gollum would say, if he could do poetry with his teeny warped mind.
From start to finish, the most exquisite examples of human obscenity.
From the pretense that 'i never liked you anyway', into the exposure of this lie, through a need to brag on dirty deeds done. And then terminated with the ultimate destroyer of reason, Empty and Unwarranted threats.

Repulsive personality, The Ripper, without a mind.

Within the bones of a fairly normal seeming person, this voice is that of the raped child, never healed, but further damaged by 'protective institution or entities', then the scabs picked and miserable of thought. I would say a meth addled tweaker might fit the bill, but only if the person was reduced to a barely perceptible shadow before submitting to a n even darker angel.
This smells strongly of Fear and Hate, borne of Comparison.
Pretty well written though, I am thinking it would make a good metal tune.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

a wolf in sheep's clothing for sure here; unfortunately good hearts get taken advantage of; the mind of a sociopath it seems - one that has no feeling or has been ripped of their innocence and in turn does the same to others....

a complimentary collaboration - i can't tell where the style begins or ends....

Posted 13 Years Ago


I'm not big on emotion-bent poetry, but this is beautifully written, less a few spelling errors. The cadence was next to perfect, only reflecting minor flaws, and only one typo stood out (your use of the incorrect "you're" in the 18th line). Symbolism is, again, correctly used, and the same with your metaphorical message behind "gate." All in all, a wonderful poem.

Posted 13 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Beautifully angry! I love it. It makes the reader feel the emotion from the very start.

Posted 13 Years Ago


typo corrected thanks Tommy much appreciated

Posted 13 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I'm going to assume this is from a fictional perspective to make a point about the narrator being an a*****e. If that's that case, very nice. At first the constant rhyming got to me (more of an opinion on rhymes. Doesn't really reflect on your writing.) and then I found the rhythm and it worked out better on my second time through. Very great work. I really like the first three lines the best. The profanity works out well because it's placed where it would make the most effect instead of randomly.

Posted 13 Years Ago


You know I think the hard part with collaboration is trying to make it feel like one set of thoughts, and I think you two did very well with this! In line eleven down there is a typo, I think you meant [you] instead of "Your." I always find myself doing just the opposite and typing you for your, and it drives me crazy. lol.

Nice Write!
RLG,
Tommy


Posted 13 Years Ago


Dark and well written. Another Black piece. I never tire of your work.

Posted 13 Years Ago


very ugly content. Dark and mean, but well constructed, clearly written.

Posted 13 Years Ago


Its very dark but also very well written. Very compelling work.

Posted 13 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

You are just way too fantastic Ashley! You never cease to amaze me with your writing. You did so well. Great poem, I love how mean it is.

Posted 13 Years Ago



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622 Views
30 Reviews
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Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on February 22, 2011
Last Updated on February 22, 2011
Tags: ashley black, tansforming, poem

Author

{A}shley {B}lack @-;-
{A}shley {B}lack @-;-

Sheriffhales, Shropshire , United Kingdom



About
I Am Ashley Black (an alter ego ) I have a dark mind when it comes to my poetry as the strongest emotions come from negative RETURNING- I have been distant from this site for a while but I am fina.. more..

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