This sounds like something Gollum would say, if he could do poetry with his teeny warped mind.
From start to finish, the most exquisite examples of human obscenity.
From the pretense that 'i never liked you anyway', into the exposure of this lie, through a need to brag on dirty deeds done. And then terminated with the ultimate destroyer of reason, Empty and Unwarranted threats.
Repulsive personality, The Ripper, without a mind.
Within the bones of a fairly normal seeming person, this voice is that of the raped child, never healed, but further damaged by 'protective institution or entities', then the scabs picked and miserable of thought. I would say a meth addled tweaker might fit the bill, but only if the person was reduced to a barely perceptible shadow before submitting to a n even darker angel.
This smells strongly of Fear and Hate, borne of Comparison.
Pretty well written though, I am thinking it would make a good metal tune.
This sounds like something Gollum would say, if he could do poetry with his teeny warped mind.
From start to finish, the most exquisite examples of human obscenity.
From the pretense that 'i never liked you anyway', into the exposure of this lie, through a need to brag on dirty deeds done. And then terminated with the ultimate destroyer of reason, Empty and Unwarranted threats.
Repulsive personality, The Ripper, without a mind.
Within the bones of a fairly normal seeming person, this voice is that of the raped child, never healed, but further damaged by 'protective institution or entities', then the scabs picked and miserable of thought. I would say a meth addled tweaker might fit the bill, but only if the person was reduced to a barely perceptible shadow before submitting to a n even darker angel.
This smells strongly of Fear and Hate, borne of Comparison.
Pretty well written though, I am thinking it would make a good metal tune.
I'm not thrilled with this style of poetry. I don't enjoy the subject or the delivery. Certain word choices and phrases irk me. Like whilst and 'death among your fears'. Aside from that it is okay. I suspect if I was more in a mood to review people I don't know I might find something more uplifting to say but you solicited this and asked me to be honest. So there it is.
The overall tone of this piece speaks to me as more of a song than a poem. However the rhythm is a little off, so if may suggest, tighten up the rhythm just a bit? Also i think some good visualizations would enhance it as well.
Otherwise you have the concept of a "heartless torture" down, you just need to work on the execution.
Happy writing!
very dak very mean spirited you have gotten the point across magnificently
A deamon wrote this someone that laughs in glee over hurting people particularly women if I read this correctly. The poem is actually good but one cravat I dislike like the use of vulger language in a poem or story. It is my contention that the English language is versitile enough and euridit enough that such language isn't needed. outside of that you have a very well written piece here.
I Am Ashley Black (an alter ego ) I have a dark mind when it comes to my poetry as the strongest emotions come from negative
RETURNING- I have been distant from this site for a while but I am fina.. more..