Transforming (A Heartless Torture)

Transforming (A Heartless Torture)

A Poem by {A}shley {B}lack @-;-
"

A Collaboration With Gwen Goad

"
Transforming 
(A Heartless Torture)

Such a laugh I’ve had toying with your mind
pretending I’m a nice person 
whilst transforming all the time
being there for you obtaining your trust
allowing you to confide in me,
your feelings now crushed to dust
I built up your confidence
knowing I was always there
little did you know I never really did care
I told you to be at the same place every single day 
talked to you for a week or two
and then just went away
leaving you to wonder,
leaving you in tears,
leaving with no real answer
death among your fears 
As I slowly corrupt your mind 
you're staying awake all night
I know I’m torturing your heart
my darkness shades your light
will you ever catch on you gullible little s**t
I won’t stop until I know
your wrists have been left cut
I want to destroy your perception of love
so all you feel is hate
read my words of wisdom
lock your f*****g gate 

© 2011 {A}shley {B}lack @-;-


Author's Note

{A}shley {B}lack @-;-
The Second collaboration With Gwen Goad Its been a long time coming read her poem "lived through the darkness" please read and review both honestly

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

This sounds like something Gollum would say, if he could do poetry with his teeny warped mind.
From start to finish, the most exquisite examples of human obscenity.
From the pretense that 'i never liked you anyway', into the exposure of this lie, through a need to brag on dirty deeds done. And then terminated with the ultimate destroyer of reason, Empty and Unwarranted threats.

Repulsive personality, The Ripper, without a mind.

Within the bones of a fairly normal seeming person, this voice is that of the raped child, never healed, but further damaged by 'protective institution or entities', then the scabs picked and miserable of thought. I would say a meth addled tweaker might fit the bill, but only if the person was reduced to a barely perceptible shadow before submitting to a n even darker angel.
This smells strongly of Fear and Hate, borne of Comparison.
Pretty well written though, I am thinking it would make a good metal tune.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

This sounds like something Gollum would say, if he could do poetry with his teeny warped mind.
From start to finish, the most exquisite examples of human obscenity.
From the pretense that 'i never liked you anyway', into the exposure of this lie, through a need to brag on dirty deeds done. And then terminated with the ultimate destroyer of reason, Empty and Unwarranted threats.

Repulsive personality, The Ripper, without a mind.

Within the bones of a fairly normal seeming person, this voice is that of the raped child, never healed, but further damaged by 'protective institution or entities', then the scabs picked and miserable of thought. I would say a meth addled tweaker might fit the bill, but only if the person was reduced to a barely perceptible shadow before submitting to a n even darker angel.
This smells strongly of Fear and Hate, borne of Comparison.
Pretty well written though, I am thinking it would make a good metal tune.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is so dark but so compelling - careful who you share it with!? Powerful, uncomfortable, real - your writing skilfully speaks the unspeakable.

Posted 13 Years Ago


I'm not thrilled with this style of poetry. I don't enjoy the subject or the delivery. Certain word choices and phrases irk me. Like whilst and 'death among your fears'. Aside from that it is okay. I suspect if I was more in a mood to review people I don't know I might find something more uplifting to say but you solicited this and asked me to be honest. So there it is.

Posted 13 Years Ago


it is good but some words could get fixed

Posted 13 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The overall tone of this piece speaks to me as more of a song than a poem. However the rhythm is a little off, so if may suggest, tighten up the rhythm just a bit? Also i think some good visualizations would enhance it as well.
Otherwise you have the concept of a "heartless torture" down, you just need to work on the execution.
Happy writing!

Posted 13 Years Ago


This is evil in words. It's harsh. I can feel the coldness in the person, reading this. It's very good.

Posted 13 Years Ago


very dak very mean spirited you have gotten the point across magnificently
A deamon wrote this someone that laughs in glee over hurting people particularly women if I read this correctly. The poem is actually good but one cravat I dislike like the use of vulger language in a poem or story. It is my contention that the English language is versitile enough and euridit enough that such language isn't needed. outside of that you have a very well written piece here.

Posted 13 Years Ago


Powerful, mean, angry, and I adore the last line, great job!

Posted 13 Years Ago


This is very well written!
Great job.
I like it!

~A Fallen Heroine~

Posted 13 Years Ago



Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

622 Views
30 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on February 22, 2011
Last Updated on February 22, 2011
Tags: ashley black, tansforming, poem

Author

{A}shley {B}lack @-;-
{A}shley {B}lack @-;-

Sheriffhales, Shropshire , United Kingdom



About
I Am Ashley Black (an alter ego ) I have a dark mind when it comes to my poetry as the strongest emotions come from negative RETURNING- I have been distant from this site for a while but I am fina.. more..

Writing

Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..


Man Man

A Poem by Tate Morgan