Dear Miss Goad

The second Part to a joint project by Gwen Goad and I so please view her submission

Dear Miss Goad

This will be the last of anything that I do

life stops being worth living for without the love from you 

A “family member a friend to hold dear” how can you break my heart?

 you tell me I was the one when did we drift apart?

Questions which I will never hear the answers because what you’ve done 

unlike a cat I choose to die the attempt needing only one 

so run away enjoy your life don’t see what I’ve become 

sitting here leaving this message by the shadow of my gun

hand is quivering ecstatically and you haven’t got a clue

it’s never been about intimacy its always been about you

how can you expect me to be there to be right by your side

when at the first the first sign of seriousness you choose to run and hide 

so this is my final message the last of anything I do

I’ve never cheated never lied and ive always trusted you 

I have the sneaking suspicion that these from your side aren't true so these are my final words before I have to send 

don’t tell me that you love me don’t say that you’re my friend you pushed me into this corner to this bitter end

Author's Note

See Part 1 by Gwen Goad !!

Reviews

[The Perfectionist]

The danger of writing poetry in pseudo sentences like you've done is that some measure of grammar and punctuation is expected and you provide none, which makes it read funny.

You don't need a 'for' in the second line. There should be a comma in the third line after "member" and in the fourth after "one". You need a "to" after "answers" in the fifth line...

The list goes on. Poetry allows you to get away with a lot that prose doesn't, but you can't write in almost-sentences and still expect to get away with it all.

I agree it does go well with part one (probably because you directly echo so much of what she said), and I like your ending, but it was a bit of a challenge to read when I had to stop on every line and mentally add or remove a word or punctuation mark to make it read properly.

[morningstar]

this goes really well with part 1. you guys make a good team when it comes to writing. most touching part was the part about the gun. nice work

[Marie Harrison]

Gripping write. I love it! Will it continue, perhaps?

[Jenny Nelson]

Just read the first part to this by Gwen Goad. You two did a great job! Keep it going an write a book, seriously. Well done!

[Jenny Nelson]

This really good. Interesting, flows well, strong emotion conveyed. Little unnerving as I've known several people who have committed suicide and it's a heartbreaking situation for the one that was lost and the for the ones who lost someone they loved. Lots of great lines within this. Very well done!

[Samantha ~virginpoet]

Great accompaniment to her poem nicely done. In a way it reminds me of The Passionate Shepherd to His Love by Christopher Marlowe and The Nymph's Reply to the Shepherd by Sir Walter Raleigh (a personal fave) only in the way of being inspired to write an accompaniment to someones poem I have always wanted someone to do the same to my work.

[TheFunkyCactus]

I really loved the emotions and metephors in this. It's so sad >.> The emotional impact is strong, and when it hits "So run away enjoy your life..." It really hits it's stride.
I'd say that it'd be better to add commas or space it differently, if I had any advice. I think the flows a little bit off in parts, and punctuation would help greatly in some lines, example "...you tell me I was the one when did we drift apart"

But yeah, just some food for thought. I really enjoyed the read!

[diannesam]

I love the description of the emotions in this. I love it!

[Frankie Nguyen]

i loved this (:

haha, that was great. i loved the word choice. i loved the emotions.

[Dilan Gray]

Wow, that was amazing. I actually feel like insulted! It is really convincing and got my emotions going! So good job! I love it!!!!