Can You Love This Scolded Angel?

That Feeling Of worthlessness

Can You Love This Scolded Angel?

I have so many flaws my wings are ash,

tears are like burning sulphur
back scarred by the lash,

I was once your faithful servant

willing only to please,

do you want me to beg?

here I'm on my knees,
the smile upon your face

show that this does please.

"Stand you cheat"   
you lost your chance with he,

"we had our future together before you cuckold me"
you were my angel my one in a million

Now your nothing a mere civilian.

please forgive me it was a mistake

arms reaching out skinny as a rake,

"Keep your touch away from my skin"

she observes the hatred he holds within

please forgive me feel my gentle kiss, 

standing and leaning forward 

he moves to make her miss.

"Your dead to me now leave my sight"

knowing full well she won't survive the night
he hands her a razor blade a smile on his face

vermilion soon drips upon the white lace, 

The angel becomes weak stares lovingly into his eyes

he stares back and forgives all her lies.

"Can you tell me you love me?"
a single word does flow

she was a scolded angel 
his answer was "No"

 

Author's Note

Tried Something A little different with this one hope you like it?

please give honest reviews

Thank you for reading

Reviews

[L0v3craft]

You're* in "Now your nothing a mere civilian."

I feel there should be a comma placed in this sentence: "The angel becomes weak, stares lovingly into his eyes"



Other than that I felt sorry for her and it was pretty tragic...especially the ending, that last line's just mean! Ouch! lol

[GamingGal]

Mmmmmm.....very nice. The only problem with it is every now and then I got confused as to who was speaking. If that could be fixed, I would love this even more. This is definitely being bookmarked as a favorite of mine.

[freelancejouster]

wonderful, descriptive, and powerful made simple and almost sing-songy in its rhyme.

[Valentine]

For something different..this is very good..it has deep feeling and the back and forth speech of two was very well done..Valentine

[NamelessBeast.]

That feeling of worthlessness, I know that all too well. This poem describes it perfectly, you're talented. I love the lines; "knowing full well she won't survive the night, he hands her a razor blade a smile on his face, vermilion soon drips upon the white lace," They're such a beautiful, macabre lines. Grammar points could be improved; you're instead of your, ect. But I loved it.

[Lily Mae]

Deep and intense.. you take the reader on a journey into the abyss of the soul.. and with the answer being no...it makes us wonder more about what happened...what do we do after the answer of no...? perfect..xx

[BlackRose]

Absolutely incredible! Even words can't fully express how well this was written. :)

[xXxCynicalWarsxXx]

Written in elegance and flow so strong. kept me wanting more. And the end strikes a chord with bitterness. Bravo! Excellent work!

[John Jackson (El Juero)]

Great story, beautifully crafted.
Literally, a bitter end.

[bludrgnone]

WOW...gave me shivers and I could visualize the entire poem....beautifully done!