A poem to a close friend Which I've been allowed to share
True Feelings
your the light to my darkness the beat to my heart your the only exception I've loved you from the start
Talented poet emotional art hurts to see you go why must we part your my first waking moment my last before sleep A longing to hold you A feeling so deep
So for now I must kiss you a gentle goodbye See you again soon my smile you provide
Pros: I can feel the emotion in this poem. It's sweet and gentle and caring; I like it quite a lot. The rhyme scheme helps it flow, but it has a natural flow of its own. These little scenes you create, I can see them quite well.
Cons: The second line in the second stanza and the last line in the last stanza are mildly longer (perhaps for rhyming reasons?) and kind of throw off the flow a bit.
When I hear the phrase "only exception" a part of me melts and the rest of the message gets lost in translation. You could wrap any words of choice around that phrase and I would still love the entire thing. I know that isn't productive advice but it is honest!
ashley, you always told be to be brutally honest with you so I will... This poem sucks for your work... What the hell has gotten into you... the rhyms inconsistant. it lacks depth, and worst of all, its like you just gave up on it, and put a quick close... I don't like to give bad reviews but Bro. Wake up. you were asleep on this one. the onlything I liked was the subject matter so I am gonna get it a 90... Keep on working, and get some rest, try it fresh, let it shine. like all the other Ashley Black poems I have read... I hope you find this helpful
A very nice read, especially the last stanza. The only thing I could nitpick about would be the mix up of "Your" and "You're" Other than that, excellent :)
Posted 13 Years Ago
it was amazing, so full of emotions. i loved everything about it. you have such a way with words.
I Am Ashley Black (an alter ego ) I have a dark mind when it comes to my poetry as the strongest emotions come from negative
RETURNING- I have been distant from this site for a while but I am fina.. more..