Just Because You Can

A poem about how modern technology breaks hearts with a twist

Just Because You Can

Tears that form from the bloodshot eyes live on the cheek

and end there short span of life on the lips which you once 

were so eager to kiss

I sit there phone in hand how such a loving relationship can end without real reason your juvenile mind must not grasp heartbreak are you lacking the emotion do you not understand 

did you listen to your friends did they lend a hand

The throat becomes dry a sand dune effect 

as I try to get my head around the nature so perplexed

“I do it because I love you because it gives us a friendship to align”

You can tell me I love you still you destroy my heart and mind   

A relationship I thought was strong no arguments or tears 

you say its forever so losing you was not one of my fears 

I sent the letters to simple say I love You, I gave flowers once a month to let you know nothing rises above you

but not you leave me breathless shaking felling less of a man

give me your reasons! its just because you can

The realization hits as it becomes hard to swallow

the dry mouth full of water and bile soon to follow 

Ended through modern technology 7 years lost through a txt my heart my soul my love is meaningless I choose not to exist 

A letter written for a purpose to apologise for nothing I’ve done wrong 

I stand above the world as a rope constricts my breath the tightening and tragic end she caused this death 

Will I feel remorse will I go through with this plan

I only want to hurt her just because I can

So as the body hangs from a rope so frail 

the body soon turns ash white from a healthy pink to this colourless pale

The phone shines on as a message does arise

“I’m sorry if you are angry a joke from one of the guys I would never leave you babe such perfection in my eyes”

This unread message never replied a letter the last speech from the hanging man 

I do this to you just because I can  

Author's Note

Honest opinions please all criticisms are appreciated

Reviews

[Narnie]

Firstly, your enthusiasm and ability to 'zone in' on the emotion is really excellent. All your works speak more like performance poets pieces, which is also a good thing with the current trends but that leads me to advising that you need to concentrate on form if you are presenting it on the written page. Pop a podcast on this (see podbean, open an account, it's free!) and listen to yourself speak the poem... this should enable you to either punctuate those freeform lines or break them up into two - and also to confirm the rhythm that you're trying to create. You have a musicality in your writing which is probably down to listening to that thud thud beat on rock that I enjoy myself :) but remember that the ear is different to the eye and be sensitive to it. I would also keep a check on your their/there/they're and your/you're. (Although that's so common on this site I almost don't notice anymore!)
I think you have talent. I think the way the UK scene is with slam nowadays, you could really find yourself with an outlet for your poetry as long as you get the balance right and make sure you are speaking to an audience, whilst still keeping it contained. Good luck! And I hope that this expands out into social commentary - I read the one about not being a sheep and I also think you would do that well.

[Shardbearer99]

That's what I love about poetry sometimes. It's a skill or talent that I have never truly grasped. I really enjoy reading your poems as they are fun to read and you feel the emotions that you put into your writing which make them that much better. Really great stuff

[Cynically]

It was very dark but very emotional as well. I loved this, as it made me really feel for the one within the writing, which is good. It drew me into the story, and made me really just wish he could have been stopped.

[Samantha ~virginpoet]

well written

[steph]

This is a dark tragedy. I like it to an extent, this is a poem I have to be in the mood for, and unfortunately right now I am not in my dark mood... However all the technicals again are right on, and its a good read, with good symbolism, and excellent message.... Thanks for allowing me to read. It kinda sucks though the vengence was sould by siucide, but I guess all endings can't be happy ones

[Ashley Myers]

wow thats all i can say. i thought i knoew where this was going and then BAM theres a twist. i cant even explain the emotions you made me feel with this. im absolutely amazed

[Dev]

I liked reading this. It's like something I would write too (and I wish I did too) but praises aside I do have a little constructive criticism in hand
Your flow works but only if you put the right punctuation and the write spacing... Alignment and punctuation are very important. Also, you have changed the tense in between the write.. Just read it again and you'll understand what I'm saying.. Take for example the first para. I've done a rough edit here...

"Tears that form from the bloodshot eyes
live on the cheek
and end their short span of life
on the lips which you once were so eager to kiss
I sit there, phone in hand,
THINKING how such a loving relationship COULD end without real reason
your juvenile mind must not grasp heartbreak
are you lacking the emotion?
do you not understand?
did you listen to your friends did they lend a hand?"

I hope you got what I was saying. The theme of the write is very nice and minor adjustments would make it even better

[.]

this is spoken word to me. when something has a flow to it, such as this, it begs to be spoken. your rhyme strikes in the right places and it has a deep of feeling which although there is alot of similar types of work on here..this is a cut above the rest ..well written..and poignant ending..

[Brandon]

I've been dumped by text. It sucked. So I connect very easily with this. I was pleased (from a writers standpoint) to see that twist ending...very tragic. I loved it. You can definitely grab the reader by the emotion and drag them wherever. Wonderful writing. A vivid read.

[Dilan Gray]

Oh my gosh! That was fantastic! I can't even explain how much it effected me! My heart clenched and I almost cried, it was beautiful and sad and just so wonderful! I loved the images, the words, everything! It was amazing!!!