Consumed By Lust.

Sarah has been in a fatal car crash, and all spectators believe it is a horrible accident. Though, Divine,knows it was a suicied, planned to the smallest detail. And she could have prevented it.

Her fingers make contact with her neck,
Tracing the memory of where his lips once were,
Feeling their ashes burn her skin
Branding in her forever, the essence of him,
Her heart sinks deeper
With every breath she takes,
Every second without him,
Her final decision is being made.

3 months. 3 months of effort, now billowing up the mountain side in gray smoke revenge. No longer able to discern her own tears, from the ones being provoked by the stinging heat of the fire. Ashes plummeting to the asphalt’s unwelcoming physique, the treads of her shoes pacing back and forth, but her gaze not moving from the scene. Her eyes lock on a tear drop shaped stain beside the debris, and she recognizes the melted skeleton of a snowflake, the resonance of its meaning resting in her heavy heart.

 She over hears the crowd’s budding rumors, and suddenly feels something arise within her; Fury.
“Accident.”
“Unintentional.”
“17 year old girl, involved in an involuntary car crash.”
Her finger instinctually rises to the skin of her throat. Her anxiety growing, as her anger flourishes. The racing of her thoughts coincide with the beating of her heart. She restrains the screams that threaten to erupt from the dark truths inside her. How long can she retain her remorse?
A booming voice echoes throughout the wall of voices, ordering them to disperse. Devine stands frozen, daring catch a glimpse of the pale lifeless body being carted away by the apathetic paramedics; Oblivious to the reality of the crash. The car waiting patiently, smoke delicately rising and disappearing into the overcast sky, the hood almost completely conformed to the mountain, and deep depressions caused by loosely held rocks disfigure the roof. The car now is no more broken than the girl driving it, was moments before the impact.
So vividly she could see her best friend’s arms, wavering as her hands grasped the steering wheel for stability. Foot; lead against the gas pedal, accelerating down the dim highway, shadowed from the mountains towering on either side. The road, absent of other vehicles that would devastate her thoroughly considered plan. No hesitation as she jerked the steering wheel in an abrupt right turn into a protruding rock. No screech of preventing breaks nor a second thought to save herself. The car smashing into the solid wall, emitting 5 seconds of maddening noise, various metal parts being bent opposite their original direction, rocks crumbling on the hood, and the thin roof of the car imploding on Sarah’s willing body. Though this deafening uproar only results in absolute silence; Thick, vacant silence of death. No whispers or pleas for help. Only the soundless grin, of a girl, finally set free.

Devine and Sarah had rehearsed this day. Devine’s reaction, her excuses, and her sorrow. But she hadn’t completely conceived the antagonizing reality of such a loss. She found herself speechless when questions were thrown at her. Inquiring things of which were only shared in the confidence of the two girls.
“How has her death, affected you, emotionally?”
Devine recites her responses to the perfection of an actress, all the while, screaming contradictions to her words inside her mind.
The death was a raging fire beneath her skin; Torched with guilt, and grief. Consuming her discretion between right and wrong, and stealing her will to remain loyal to her deceased best friend. Her biggest fears were compiled into one event. An event, that to everyone but Devine, was one, big misconception…

 

His power over Sarah was like a mother to her child, and so influential he could propel her emotions into the side of a mountain. His touch would stop her in her tracks, goose bumps rising on her skin. His questioning gaze with his intoxicating green eyes would shatter the protective walls she had spent so many years constructing, to where she stood vulnerable to his hungry desires.

Sarah had told Devine of her intense need for him. She described how she could not breathe without him there to catch her breath, or sleep without his arms securely cradling her. And when he was not with her, she would wait in solitude until he returned. She had called it love, he, called it lust. He took advantage of her willingness to please him, and did not hesitate to experiment with her fragile body, and emotions. He tested her limits of devotion, then drew her back in whenever she began to question his sincerity. He was evil wearing clothes of heaven, and she was infatuated by his curse.

 

Sarah had first spoken of taking her life several weeks before he was gone. Confused, Devine tried to understand her reasoning. She had considered their bond unanimous, and indissoluble,  why would she wish to excise such a rare connection?  Though Sarah’s response to this question was not a matter of sorrow or displeasure of her life, but her complete distrust. She believed she had reached the ultimate climax.  She had obtained all that she desired, and there was nothing left to acquire, only regression laid ahead. And Sarah was determined to beat fate before fate left her with nothing more than the will to die.

Shortly after her accusations of life’s cruelty, her theory was proven absolutely correct. Resting on Sarah’s small faded pillow, where his head had once lied, was an envelope. A minute aspect, but she knew it concealed a nightmare.. She began reading, knowing beforehand what it would entail, though she was just as heartbroken as she read. The empty black words danced on her trembling lips as she mouthed their fateful contours. Their meanings boiled to the top of her eyes, and streamed down her cheeks, and onto the paper. Sarah’s hand rose to trace his perfect penmanship, imagining his hand, firm grasp on the pen, and remembered how that hand had taken her to so many places; Guided her into the light of every day, regardless of how dark. The irony was, that hand was the foundation of her gloom.

As if to prove that she truly had no reason to continue living, life sent his car over the edge of the railing that night; His car plummeting into the depths of an icy California river. His body freezing until he could no longer sustain life, though there was no temperature that could make his heart any colder. His death meant that Sarah had no chance of redemption. No opportunity to mend her broken heart. Her reason for living was now dead, so he became her reason to die.

 

Snow began to fall, and Sarah began contemplating her options. Every second without him, she became assured she was making the right decision. And the only way she thought appropriate, was to voluntarily end herself the way he was forced to ; Car crash; Subtle enough to be viewed as an accident, fallible enough to leave behind memory. She wanted to be remembered as something other than herself. She yearned to become the red that stained the innocent snow, the tears that fell from careless eyes as they watch her body lie drained, inside her coffin. She longed to be something other than love that never got returned, or a friend that never seemed to be there when she was needed. Sarah became a figure etched into the side of a mountain, that represented fear without acknowledgement, love without any bounds, and a girl who freed herself, when no one else realized she was ensnared by her unrelenting emotions.   

Devine knew. She could see Sarah when everyone else was blind. She could hear Sarah’s screams, and she knew Sarah wanted to end it all. She heard her suggestive comments referring to death, and understood the understated questions about Sarah’s relevance to the world. Devine was persistent in her efforts to console Sarah. Every day finding another reason why she was important.  But her attempts were lost in Sarah’s distant gaze. She was already beyond the point of no return, Her final verdict was to give herself away to another world, and no one could change that.

There were nights Devine would just hold Sarah, stroking her hair, as they would stare out the window at the silent snowflakes fluttering to the ground; and to their impending demise. Sarah, remarking on how she wanted to die like a snowflake; Beautiful, and hushed, surreptitiously descending into peace.

 Devine was disturbed by the affluence she could find embedded in that phrase, but held it in her heart whenever she was faced with the unfortunate truth; Her bestfriend, was an intricate snowflake, falling through the turmoil of life, and was completely prepared to give up everything she had become. She longed to be a snowflake, fading away on the asphalt, melting all of her pain and regrets, blurring her vision of the corrupt reality, and promising her, a simpler life.

But those nights upon nights did nothing to deter Sarah from her obvious conclusion. Devine felt as if she held Sarah’s frail life in the crook of her arm, but was losing her grip on the vitality of its protection. The only direction left for her life to go was down, and Sarah had let it fall deeper than anyone had known. Devine had her arm extended half way inside the canyon that had become Sarah’s life, but Sarah was not willing to reach any further to grasp her last hope. She was content with the darkness, as long as she had control of where her shadows went, and the only place she wanted to be, was behind the wheel of her car; Speeding down an empty road at irrepressible speeds, perusing her destiny.

 

 

 

 

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This is only the firts page, and a VERY rough draft of a piece i am writing for class.
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