Over Breakfast

story of my life. <3

shut up

i'm drowning again

keep quiet

i'm drowning again

hush

i'm drowning again

 

i'm talking

but no one's listening

i speak

but no one hears

 

i become the wall behind me

the eyes my only likeness

i see you standing there

but you can't see me

can't possibly understand

how i drown inside myself

ache from my fingers

to my forehead

how you can't so much

as see me

standing here

screaming at the top of my lungs

for someone to help me breathe

 

your eyes are little glistening glass mirrors

reflecting the wall back at me

 

i put forth a smile on my lips

as the toaster jumps off the counter

and the milk burns

in the pot

the air becomes stifling

and i struggle

as the edges begin to slip

 

for i am invisible

and you can('t) see (me)

Reviews

[Jules]

I really like this poem. It's very emotional and descriptive, and unfortunately I could really relate to this poem in a few different ways. I like the repetition in the first stanza of "I'm drowning again", it added a lot to that part of the poem. I also liked how your stanzas were as short as two lines and then there were some longer ones too. I felt like that the lack of uniformnation in stanza legnth also added something to the piece. Nice work and thank you very much for entering this into the Teen Authors contest.

[[untitled]]

An emotional write here, i can feel the pain, but it's also very well written

i'm talking
but no one's listening
i speak
but no one hears

Boy how i know this feeling all to well, very well written with straight forward emotion.

[Rain Bo]

I'm not great at the constructive thing, or even the praise thing. I usually just say, 'awesome' or whatever.

But...That isn't enough here. I wish I had an alternative. =/

Awesome.

[Interrupting Dawn]

aww that's kinda sad!
but i really liked it!
i liked the way the colors changed to, it worked really well with the stanzas!
Gewd job!

[chloe cruz]

The poem was really nice... and almost depressing. I've felt like this so many times and its still hard to think about. Almost to hard to write about. I really liked the yellow verse:
i become the wall behind me

the eyes my only likeness

i see you standing there

but you can't see me

can't possibly understand

how i drown inside myself

ache from my fingers

to my forehead

how you can't so much

as see me

standing here

screaming at the top of my lungs

for someone to help me breathe

Thanks for the good poem.