Antonio Castan

Currently I'm realizing why I romanticized over drinking and smoking so much for most of my life. It's because since in our youth we are painted a picture that drinking and smoking is a very romantic thing to do. When we are young it seems very grown up to do and when we are old it seems like the youthful thing to do. But it's somehere way back when that this idea of living is seen as acceptable. Maybe it's proliferated by the media or by our current definition of "living". Either way it must be buried so that one could overcome the daily deterrences encountered on a daily basis instead of masking them by inducing a drunken stupor upon ourselves. The romantic idea that one has a brilliant future ruined by drinking seems natural but it ought to be abandoned. The trouble arises when one becomes aware that it's in our subconscious, sneakily invidious, so that even the hangover part seems glamorous.
In my own case after years and years of drinking, when stupid pride in a hangover was replaced by a sense of shame on numerous occasions, when for various reasons I tried to conceal the trembling that would occur in the morning if I didn't have a drink to kick start my day, I remember even then in those days having that invidious secret sense of how romantic it was that I was in such a bad way and actually trying to conceal it. Today I realize I had a nebulous grasp on what life really was and I try to make a better conscious decision on how I go about my daily endeavors sober instead of mistakenly tacking task too big for me in a drunken stupor.