mnicorata

I graduated college back in 2007, and originally my major had been in engineering because my entire life I have always been good at math and sciences in general. Then I found out that it was a very demanding field, so I decided to switch my major to sociology with a criminology emphasis. At this time I also took up two minors in psychology and mathematics. I needed to put my analytical mind to good use in some way. The reason I switched majors was because I wanted to do something else with my life. When I was a child, I was always a dreamer and creator so I thought maybe I wanted to become a scientist later in life. Turned out I did a complete 180 when I realized I always wanted to help other people out instead.

Taking up a creative writing class as one of my general education courses really got me into poetry cause I have always been a closet case writer. I have a very vivid imagination and I used to write my own unique stories when I was younger. So I fantasized and dreamt a lot about different worlds, fantasy and science fiction alike. So I realized that I really liked this area of the fundamental arts. I have always been an artist, not just in what I wrote but what I could draw. Then I figured out that this was the real me down inside. My science side was my critical thinking, rationalizing part, but my heart lied in my deepest passion, to inspire people and to help people who were struggling just as how I struggled my entire life. I thought I could be a helping hand. After five grueling years (and also the best time of my life) I finally received my bachelor's degree. And where did I head afterwards? Working at my father's video store making ten bucks an hour. But still somewhere I had this hidden drive of writing, creating poetry, and helping people.

If you ask my friends about who I am (and I completely agree with them), they would say that "he really is a nice guy." But I know what happens to nice guys they get tossed under the bus, and all the women out there always go for that edgier cool guy that is not afraid of anything. And from my experience in life this far, these people deep down are probably the most insecure, self-absorbed, and egotistical people you ever met. Hopefully I don't fall under that category and I don't even want to be in that category. So in a nutshell, I am laid-back, supportive, helpful, and always there to listen to anyone who has anything to say whether it be a friend or a family member. I might not be the most motivated, but I know that I am secretly smart and intelligent, and I love to engage in deep conversations with people. Never been too much of a party guy, but I've been known to slam down a couple once or twice, but that necessarily isn't the entire me.

Six years ago I was institutionalized because I was going through a period in my life where I was constantly depressed because my life was going nowhere. While lying in a bed and sitting in a chair for six weeks I did some soul searching and the above paragraph is what I came up with on a whim. I believe my diagnosis was manic depression exhibiting signs of slight mood swings. But who doesn't have mood swings? If we didn't we wouldn't understand where true feelings come from, like love, intimacy, and compassion. And that is what I found beside my scientific brain, I found those three aspects that I learned how to accept, and allowed myself to grow on those feelings. For the last six years, I can successfully say that I am practically off all my medications, except for one, and doing quite well. Couldn't be happier. I guess that is what Beautiful Mind's are capable of. We think and rationalize too much yet feel to little. And I have learned over the last couple of years that emotions and feelings are something I cannot deny, and it's got me into some trouble a couple of times. The important thing is that we learn from our mistakes. And I am a man of many mistakes, but they dwindle down because I am constantly learning how to handle and grasp what is really in front of me.

So this is who I am, an enigma trapped within an enigma, but aren't we all? Some people know who they are, and others don't. Some people know what they're capable of, and others realize they have no talents. But everyone is unique and special, God made you that way for a reason. And God gave me my talents of expressing emotions through my writing, exercising, playing games (not just card games) but intimacy, flirtatious, games, having fun with very close family members and friends, and especially the ability to know that I can conquer that mountain. All I have to do is start climbing, and that is what I am doing now. When I reach the top, who knows what will happen, maybe I will trip and fall, or maybe I'll go up into the valley just to see what is there.