James Joseph

Posted 17 Years Ago

Thanks for the feedback and review. I too agree that it seemed more of a chapter than a half a one. I only split these up because others have said that the other chapters (which were around 7 pages long) were too long to read at once.

Posted 17 Years Ago

James, thanks for the great review. You bring up a lot of valid points. Orginally this work had no prologue, but I wanted to introduce the reader to both Tiffany and the Saviour. So I dreamed this intro up. I agree, Tiff's role must be expanded on, as I have gotten to her character in future chapters, a little more insight may be needed.

I also understand the need to move the discription up, it makes sense to have that somewhere in the first paragraph where Gretchen first watches him advance. I want to keep him somewhat shrouded with mystery until the right time. But allow the reader the ammunition to determine his identity through the charcters around him.

Posted 17 Years Ago

Wow I really appreciate the review! It helped me a lot! Thanks for catching some of the grammar mistakes.

Posted 17 Years Ago

Thank you for you honesty and your critique.You raised a lot of very salient points.This is the start of a novel that I have been planning for a long time and for you to take a strong interest in it is very heartening and at the same time quite frightening.This for me a very big write , so any suggestions or criticisms I take in positive way.Again many thanks.I will look forward to reading your work.

Posted 17 Years Ago

Thanks so much for the review. It was greatly appreciated; I'll try to implement some of your suggestions into the next draft of the story. Thanks : )

Posted 17 Years Ago

Thanks for the review.
I agree that it went by a little fast.
The story was supposed to be about Salem
And his relationship with the narrator.
How she is a good influzence in his life
And possibly the only one.
About his parents...
His mom was more of a verbal abuser,
And his dad did most of the beating.
I don't know why that would be hard to believe.
That part is kind of true.
-October

Posted 17 Years Ago

Hey thanks for the review on both sets of work. What really helped the most is your review on Just a Taste. It's basically about a person comparing their problems to someone elses and wondering why they can't be happy with their life compared to others. As for the feeding tube I was referring to eating disorders. The person in the story (is referred to "I") is comparing that they were not caught starving themselves for a few days but "you" was caught and sent to the hospital, which a feeding tube shoved down their throat.

That aside, the review helped because someday I want to be able to get to the point where those who don't normally write or read poetry will be able to understand the poem as well. And yes, Musical Theory is entering the 6th part, which is still very much under construction. Thanks again for your feedback :)

Posted 17 Years Ago

James. Heidi is the carer who looks after the well being of my character. Sophie is her friend who sometimes visits. People on the Autistic spectrum often hear a turn of phrase which fascinates them, and they keep it with them and relate it back to everything. Heidi's eyes are fine. The character was worried about her eyes, as heidi was crying, but the character is detached from emotion, so could not process this.
I work with children on the spectrum, which is wide and endlessly varied. It is a topic which fascinates me, and I thank you for taking the time to leave such a detailed review.
Kindest regards.

Posted 17 Years Ago

Thank you so much for your detailed and thoughtful review. Quite interesting notes and suggestions. It's always fun to have contradicting feedback - I had originally left the story ending with "And I go," only to have my thesis advisor suggest that I continue for a few more sentences.

It reminds us as writers that ultimately, the art is ours and that we are to take the best from each person who thoughtfully offers suggestions, and to leave the rest. Or even to let the story stand as it is, if as artists, we feel it is truly time to put down the paintbrush.

Apologies, didn't mean to turn into rambling.

Sincerely, thank you for the thoughtful reading.

Posted 17 Years Ago

Thank you for the review and feedback on "Musical Theory". It really helps give me some ideas on how to improve it better. Thanks again!

Zoe