homunkomunasta

I have a serius attempt of a fantasy novel. It's still just an attempt, though, a few chapters long, but alas! not in English. I have clumsily translated the first chapter/prologuish thing and posted it here, so I would like to hear from you English speaking folks what do you think. It's a very very very very small chapter and it would mean the world to me. Even if you tell me that it was the dullest piece of tururu you've ever had to suffer through( this rhyme was accidental, I swear). I will be more than willing to review your stuff, though I'm not sure how competent I am for constructive criticism.