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Please tell me what you think: warning may be triggering! Content:sexual abuse

9 Years Ago


I remember don't I?

Every night I can feel you. The moment I close my eyes I can hear you breathe, and hear your voice. I don't know what is real and what not anymore. The only thing that I know is real for certain is that you touched me. I remember the touch of your fingers massaging my back, telling me I was a pretty little girl. I remember six year old me feeling special. All of a sudden darkness started to surround me as your hand crept further and further down to my underwear. I remember feeling like I was drowning as you touched me, as you rubbed six year old me. I began to forget after that, my mother told me the fault was all mine. That I a six year old, provoked you a grown man..

At the age of seven-/eighteen I suddenly remembered. I knew that it wasn't a dream. I can still smell you.
Pictures started appearing in my mind. I started to feel your hand even when it wasn't there, I started to hear your voice : "You're so pretty and such a good girl"
I started seeing pictures in my head and I ca't tell whether they're real or not.
I started dreaming of someone raping me,I smell your smell when I dream it. Is it real or not? You touched me, molested me, did you also take my innocence from me?

I can't sleep anymore.Every night I hear your voice: "Good girl". I hear my mom: "you mustn't provoke men like that". I ask myself can a six year old provoke a grown man? Is it really my fault?
The nightmares, the voices the smell keep me awake every night. I don't know if I'm going crazy or if you raped me. But I know for sure that you touched me and scarred me for life