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Love at first sight

10 Years Ago


Love at first sight By Andy Segovia The smell of fresh cut grass, the subtle sound of rain on asphalt, the feel of soft dirt under Megan's toes. It was looking to be a wonderful date night with her husband whom she adored. She wanted nothing more than to snuggle up with her tall, dark husband and watch The Fault In Our Stars, her favorite movie. Meanwhile Myles Hennesy, in his pearl white Rolls Royce, barrels down the highway awaiting his wife. Fully expecting to make the most of one of his few days without working "overtime". He receives a call, it's Megan. He sighs and reaches for the metallic grey phone. "Hey baby" he says in his enthusiastic voice while cleaning his nails and driving the car with his knee. "Hey you" says the beautiful Megan with curlers in her hair and an exfoliating mask covering her subtle nose but just revealing her hazel eyes. If looks could kill she would be arming for a full on war. "Gonna be home soon baby, make sure dinners ready for me" He hangs up the phone and looks down in the direction if his lap, in the way is jenna winter, the office tramp. Eager to drop Jenna off at the nearest bus station he accelerates. Adrenaline takes over before he knows it he's going 75 miles an hour, 20 more than the city of London allows. It's so hard to remain under the speed limit when his new car is envy of the neighborhood. He never saw it coming, the mechanic arm that stops you from meeting your demise to a freight train, that is. Turns out rolling with your top down has its consequences. Especially when a metal arm is lodged in a crevice of the open aired vehicle. The initial impact is crippling, the air bag coming from the above vantage point and forcing her neck down mixed with the seat belt locking her body in place results in the immediate snapping of Emily's neck. Insuing the first hit, the car flips. The mechanical arm is taken with the car as it descends into the underlying swamp. All the bystanders, they do nothing for there is nothing to be done. It's over and the cops are on the scene quickly. Megan is devastated, the man she adored has died in a manner so unbelievable it pains me to see from the very depths of her consciousness where I live. My name is Andy Segovia, this is when I formally meet the georgeous widow that is Megan Hennesy. "Hello" I call in a dark but somewhat seductive rumble "oh lord" she mumbles in her discreet but noticeable brithish accent. "What was that mrs. Hennessy?" Questions the police officer. "Please excuse me I tend to wonder and also from now on its ms. Hayes, that b*****d deserves no longer to be part of my life." "How tragic, seeing the man you love rip your heart out and in turn have his go cold." "Myles?, Myles has no place in my heart, not after how he was found, I always knew this was happening anyway" "Megan, you cannot fool me." I chuckled. "I am you, something you control, you cannot hide from me or anything for that manner." "You cannot fool me either, I know I do not control you." Says Megan, clearly confused. "You must learn who you are, a person is more than what they think, I see deep inside your consciousness, it's where I live." I say, hoping she understands. "That doesn't make sense, so like you're me other half?" "Megan honey no I am not your other half we are different people, I am Andy Segovia, I am a tall brown haired skinny man, everyone has someone inside their minds just like you,your society just calls those who contact them crazy." "Two people? We are not two people you cannot see me, I cannot see you." Barks Megan, who by now is gaining attention from onlookers as she screams at her self in a car all by herself. Word spreads quickly, and is constantly accelerated by her public conversations with no one. Her new roommate kourtney is by her side the whole way but no one can convince the whole city of London of anything. "I know what's happening sweetie, no one believes you anymore. You remember when we first met, you didn't know who I was, you hated me." "I am not sweetie to you we never met you've invaded my mind you've forced the entire city to hate me, you have no idea what I'm talking about" ‘you're right a city never hated me, only you, only my entire world hated me." Megan, clearly flustered cannot respond. "Megan I may be all you have left, why do you continue to push me away?" "Have you considered you're not what I want?" "Fine be alone I don't care." With that I disappeared, leaving Megan alone to her thoughts. Almost exactly on cue the phone rings, it echos slightly in her Empty new room in kourtneys flat. All of her husband's possessions went to his mother, I don't know why but she doesn't seem to mind. "Hi Megan it's Caitlin I hear it's been rough since your husband's past." "Yea the last week was tough but maybe it's time to get back to normal, find a new job ya know get back on my feet." "Last week? Megan, Myles died a month and a half ago." Megan frantically scrambles for the newspaper. It displays august 14th Caitlin was right. Megan's life was slipping away from her and she couldn't control it she had to get out. She had to just leave, flee the city. I of course have no choice but to come with. She is so rushed, I sense, some stuff, stealing the car, the frantic running after the car ride. When it all subsides we are somewhere secluded, I feel low air pressure, we're on a mountain, alone. "Did you miss me darling?" "Darling? Oh lord I am not your darling I thought you had left me for once." "Did you miss me or not?" "You’re crazy." "You're right I'm alone on a mountain shouting at myself, crazy right?" “For someone who’s barely a person you’re still an a*s” she says chuckling “Hey we’re out of the city someone has to be an a*s” “ya know Andy you’re not a bad… whatever you are” “Megan you’re the most beautiful girl i’ve ever seen” “You’ve never seen me” “I dont have to” “Oh please stop, convince me i'm beautiful.” “Megan, your hazel eyes could kill a man, your pale white skin lights up a room and paired with you're delicate smile and the whole world goes blind, your fiery red hair just goes to show that you're not average, you're the most amazing woman god has ever created" "Is that so?" Asked Megan jokingly. "Megan when I look into your eyes I feel fear but also a rush of adrenaline, I know I am entirely at your mercy, you are my creator and my destroyer, Megan when I look into your eyes I don't know what I feel exactly, but I know what kind if man I want to be." "What kind of man is that?" "Your man." "I..I don't know how to respond to that" "You don't have to I already know" "How can you know something that I cannot put into words even in my own mind?" "We connect much deeper than words." "How deep?" "I think it's about time I see how far deep in you we can connect." At this Megan almost spit out her water, "Oh my stop right there." "I think we both need some sleep now what do you say we go to bed?" "Goodnight" Megan can't sleep and rightfully so she has a lot to think about, I don't bother her, but I listen carefully. "Top of the mornin to ya megan" I say in a heavy Irish accent "And the rest of the day to you" the customary Irish response, I'm surprised she knows it. "Where we headed today boss?" I ask "We're going back to the city." "Megan, why?" "Let them hate me I have what every woman really wants." "What's that?" "You." I'm shocked to hear the response but at the same time I've never been happier. "Alright you call the shots let's roll out." Within hours were back in London. And we are greeted by Megan's mother. "Megan sweetie you're home how we've all missed you I've made you've favorite, brownies they're on the counter." "Who is we mom the entire city thinks I'm a leper" Megan retorts as she strolls into the kitchen. There seats her father, her brother, her sister, and kourtney. "Megan we all love you very much, we've been looking for you for days, where have you been?" Asks kourtney. "I've been... Alone....i think" answers megan trying not to lie but also not seem crazy. "Well it's of no matter now, you're home now sweetie." Says her loving father. Megan's life returns to normal as she moves back in with kourtney, we still talk, but it's harder to find her now I don't know what she's thinking anymore, this may be the end of us. "Megan are you there?" "Always my darling." "Megan it's hard to reach you now you're life has returned to normal, I may to say goodbye all together." "What no you cannot you hold me together" "I'm sorry megan, I'll always love you." And with that I was gone. Megan runs out side sobbing, and out of the corner of her eye sees a friendly neighbor, she sees him clearly now, he is a tall brown haired skinny man. She stops crying as the man moves into earshot "Hello" I call in a dark but somewhat seductive mumble. It's love at first sight

Re: Love at first sight

10 Years Ago


Andy,
Got to say I found the piece confusing, at times it read like a list. The characters needed fleshing out, and it was difficult to tell who was talking.
Also who was Emily, was it Jenna?
Really I'd suggest a rewrite, there was a little dialogue which was good, but not a lot.
Also London is city devoid of swamps, but really that's the least of our worries.

Sorry to be negative, but a review is pointless unless honest.