Write = Get Reviews Forum A GIRL IN RAiNY DAY

The day was Monday Time was morning four, For walk, I took straight way Sudden, the day become dark- And cloud began to roar. A short of time ahead Strolled cloud start to dropping Soon as downpour, I took a shed There, already, was one or two people- Soon rain get stop, we were hopping. In this impending rainy-foggy time Any one was listlessly and want not come out Far and wide, no one was there on line Suddenly, a girl appear from somewhere It insane me, 'cause road was empty now and right. I shook my head in hesitate Girl encourage me,' enjoy the heavy rain' All of sudden, I decide to follow her state effectively, by degrees, I change my place I saw her light foot and long pigtail, golden. Impressively, she was walking wet She making me passionate for her Meantime, at the twirling side of road, that was net- Good sun, and she was out of sight I was purposeless and without respond Stunned, haggard and soaked ununderstand.

Not sure what to make of it just yet. If it's the introduction to a longer piece, I'd say that it was attention-grabbing for sure. It left me to question the narrator's state of mind. The stream of consciousness reads incoherent, I'd go so far as to say under the influence of something. Not too much detail is given to the setting, which intorduces a state of confusion in the narrator's mind. 

Not sure what to make of this. I think this is to short to make a story. It is a good introduction from what I saw. Or is it a poem! I am not sure what it is?

The imagery is astounding and the use of grammar is creative, but I feel on a technical level it fails because it's too difficult to read. It feels as though it would make an amazing short story in Japanese. My advice: use more stops and/or use paragraphs. ununderstanding is not a word. misunderstanding (mistaking a concept for another), uncomprehending (not getting the concept) are words that you may replace it with. Best of luck. It's really unique in presentation and if you keep working at it, I feel it could be really nice.

Also, have you considered pairing up with a visual artist to present your work? Your style appears to appeal to that sort of thing rather than just being words alone.

The poem is a bit hard to decifer but i love the description and fast paced rhythm of it. Try sbreaking it down a liitle just so it appeals to readers or all levels.

It is evident that you have creative ideas.  Although it is possible to derive meaning your use of words and sentences are not right for me.