Write = Get Reviews Forum Reviews please.

Our lives are like sandcastles on the shore of a beach. With each and every crashing wave tearing down another part of us. And before you are able to recover another wave comes crashing down even harder than the last one leaving you even more broken and destroyed then before. You try and rebuild and repair but no matter how fast you try the waves crashing down harder and faster. Eventually you give up trying to clog the holes and suppress the flood. You embrace the waves allowing them to come crashing down freely. You know longer have the strength or even the desire to fight back anymore against the inevitable pain and destruction. You have seen countless times what happens when you fight back. Like little children though you believe that this time will be different then the countless times before. But eventually you wake up and realize that all your work has been in vain. It will not get better, no matter how hard you try. The game is rigged, a happy life is a big trick, fool’s gold that people search here, there, and everywhere to try and find. Only to realize it was sadly never really there in the first place. It was only a figment of our imagination a hope and desire that helps make life worth going through to try and find. Only at the end of it all to find out happiness was just a child’s fairy tale and dream.

That was a fine piece. I like the reference of hopelessness to that of waves beating down your castle. It's as though once you build up hope/fortitude you come back crumbling with the newest wave of failure, of so sort of comparison to another. Yet, you as you stated claim like a child to something that may be impossible.

My only problem was understanding what sort of piece you were generating. This feels like it was a poem, as you weave the tumult of waves throughout. And I feel because of that you should break up the paragraphs into stanzas. One's where you start or end with the waves breaking the castle. This should visually fix the piece and allow for more elaboration. Namely, more a chance to truly bring out a metaphor to provide a fluidity.

Otherwise, if it is a story, you may wish to try to become a little more descriptive with why the narrator finds themself being torn down. This could help bring out the work more effectively, as the reader will not question why you appear to be repeating yourself throughout a paragraph. It clarifies that you intend a story rather than a poem.

Sadly an inevitable truth... such a tragedy it is to be forced into an existence... searching for something that MOST won't ever find... and then... we're forced to leave. So swiftly... and so quick... although it felt like forever... we all know it isn't. Good write... really felt the transition from a little hope and desperation to hopelessness and pain.