Underground Writers Network Forum

Hi everyone. Letting you all know that Death Raised latest Issue is out. A dark Fantasy weekly comic Series. Hope you enjoy.

Hi everyone. Letting you all know that Death Raised latest Issue is out. A dark Fantasy weekly comic Series. Hope you enjoy.

Hi everyone. Letting you all know that Death Raised latest Issue is out. A dark Fantasy weekly comic Series. Hope you enjoy.

Hi everyone. Letting you all know that Death Raised latest Issue is out. A dark Fantasy weekly comic Series. Hope you enjoy.

Hi everyone!!!!

Hi everyone!!!

I'm new here and not sure how the site works. I have posted my manuscript and I need any and all reviews on and any and all critiquing.. thank you for your time and have a great day! :)

Any critiquing would be greatly helpful! Thank you!

I wrote this why waiting to pick my son up at school. Thanks for the critique in advance. I should have been cold but I wasn't, I should not have been able to see but I could, but one thing I was was hungry. How long had I been in here, a day, a week, a year? What was time anyway but sands in an hour glass uselessly falling from one cylinder to fill another. Time didn't matter in this room. I sit up in my bed that is nothing more than a solitary mattress anchored into one of four concrete walls that faces a steel door. I walk aimlessly around my small confines, and let my vacant mind drift to thoughts of my mamma and a better time. We are at a crowded beach, people are sunbathing, groups of young boys about my age are throwing a frisbees that never seems to get caught, toddlers are building sandcastles, and countless bodies occupy the blue waters ahead. I watch as the white caps of the small waves roll in and break against the golden sand. I'm afraid, I tell my momma. What if I can't swim, what if something eats me, or we get separated? Mamma responds with an embrace as warm as the sun above, places gentle kisses upon my head, and assures me in her soft and melodic voice that she will never let anything happen to her beautiful little girl. How I miss my mamma. I can sometimes hear her on the other side of the door if I strain my ears hard enough and focus just right. Mamma is always arguing with a man that has a deep and gravel filled voice. I don't know when I made the decision but I didn't like him and the way he was always yelling at mamma because all she wanted to do was let me out. I wonder if I did something wrong or if I was sick and maybe contagious, but one thing I am certain of is that I am in here for good reason, because mamma loved me too much to carelessly lock me away and listen to the bad man. Something outside breaks my concentration and voices that I shouldn't be able to hear ring in my ears, "Damnit Lorraine it's to risky, what if someone sees her, they will take us all away, is that what you want?" It's the bad man yelling again. "You know she isn't healthy but still you don't want to listen." "She has been locked in there for three weeks, maybe what she has is gone, maybe she is cured. It's possible I know it is, I have been praying every night." It's my mamma pleading again for my release. "There is no damn cure for the last time, I know you watch the news, it's been about all you have been doing since she got sick." "Can't we just let her out for a little bit, she is just an innocent and scared little girl, I'll be careful I promise." "For the last time, no and don't you dare go near that door while I'm gone." Gravel voice is very angry today and I feel sad for mamma, if I could just dissappear to ease her pain I would. I listen more and hear a drawer ripped open, metal rubbing together and mamma asking, "Are you going to the bar again, do you think you can just drink the problem away, because you can't. It will still be here when you sober up." The last thing I hear is a door slam, a pickup trucks ignition catch, and light footsteps approaching the door. "Isabelle can you hear me?" Mamma asks in a scared and timid tone that I have never heard before. "Yes I reply." It's as if I'm hearing my own voice for the first time. "If I open the door will you be ok, I mean are you alright?" All I can say is that I miss her deeply. It's all the reaffirming she needs as a key is inserted into a lock, tumblers fall into place, and the door opens. Light floods the room, almost too much for my maladjusted eyes to stand but then I see her, golden locks of strawberry blonde hair, rosy cheeks like a cherub, and tears flowing from sky blue eyes. I run to my mamma and she catches me mid stride lifting me up abd cradling me close to her bosom. How much I have missed her, how much I have longed for her touch, her smell, her love. It is almost enough to overpower my hunger as I sink my two elongated incisors into my mammas neck and begin to feed.

No idea how to post a short story. Thanks for the help

I should have been cold but I wasn't, I should not have been able to see but I could, but one thing I was was hungry. How long had I been in here, a day, a week, a year? What was time anyway but sands in an hour glass uselessly falling from one cylinder to fill another. Time didn't matter in this room. I sit up in my bed that is nothing more than a solitary mattress anchored into one of four concrete walls that faces a steel door. I walk aimlessly around my small confines, and let my vacant mind drift to thoughts of my mamma and a better time. We are at a crowded beach, people are sunbathing, groups of young boys about my age are throwing a frisbees that never seems to get caught, toddlers are building sandcastles, and countless bodies occupy the blue waters ahead. I watch as the white caps of the small waves roll in and break against the golden sand. I'm afraid, I tell my momma. What if I can't swim, what if something eats me, or we get separated? Mamma responds with an embrace as warm as the sun above, places gentle kisses upon my head, and assures me in her soft and melodic voice that she will never let anything happen to her beautiful little girl. How I miss my mamma. I can sometimes hear her on the other side of the door if I strain my ears hard enough and focus just right. Mamma is always arguing with a man that has a deep and gravel filled voice. I don't know when I made the decision but I didn't like him and the way he was always yelling at mamma because all she wanted to do was let me out. I wonder if I did something wrong or if I was sick and maybe contagious, but one thing I am certain of is that I am in here for good reason, because mamma loved me too much to carelessly lock me away and listen to the bad man. Something outside breaks my concentration and voices that I shouldn't be able to hear ring in my ears, "Damnit Lorraine it's to risky, what if someone sees her, they will take us all away, is that what you want?" It's the bad man yelling again. "You know she isn't healthy but still you don't want to listen." "She has been locked in there for three weeks, maybe what she has is gone, maybe she is cured. It's possible I know it is, I have been praying every night." It's my mamma pleading again for my release. "There is no damn cure for the last time, I know you watch the news, it's been about all you have been doing since she got sick." "Can't we just let her out for a little bit, she is just an innocent and scared little girl, I'll be careful I promise." "For the last time, no and don't you dare go near that door while I'm gone." Gravel voice is very angry today and I feel sad for mamma, if I could just dissappear to ease her pain I would. I listen more and hear a drawer ripped open, metal rubbing together and mamma asking, "Are you going to the bar again, do you think you can just drink the problem away, because you can't. It will still be here when you sober up." The last thing I hear is a door slam, a pickup trucks ignition catch, and light footsteps approaching the door. "Isabelle can you hear me?" Mamma asks in a scared and timid tone that I have never heard before. "Yes I reply." It's as if I'm hearing my own voice for the first time. "If I open the door will you be ok, I mean are you alright?" All I can say is that I miss her deeply. It's all the reaffirming she needs as a key is inserted into a lock, tumblers fall into place, and the door opens. Light floods the room, almost too much for my maladjusted eyes to stand but then I see her, golden locks of strawberry blonde hair, rosy cheeks like a cherub, and tears flowing from sky blue eyes. I run to my mamma and she catches me mid stride lifting me up abd cradling me close to her bosom. How much I have missed her, how much I have longed for her touch, her smell, her love. It is almost enough to overpower my hunger as I sink my two elongated incisors into my mammas neck and begin to feed.

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Hey everyone. Letting you all know that Nightmare Killer Issue Ten. Of my weekly Dark Fantasy comic series is out now. Hope you all enjoy XD.

Hey everyone. Letting you all know that Nightmare Killer Issue Ten. Of my weekly Dark Fantasy comic series is out now. Hope you all enjoy XD.

Hey everyone. Letting you all know that Nightmare Killer Issue Ten. Of my weekly Dark Fantasy comic series is out now. Hope you all enjoy XD.

Hey everyone. Letting you all know that Nightmare Killer Issue Ten. Of my weekly Dark Fantasy comic series is out now. Hope you all enjoy XD.

Hey everyone. Letting you all know that Nightmare Killer Issue Ten. Of my weekly Dark Fantasy comic series is out now. Hope you all enjoy XD.

Hey everyone. Letting you all know that Nightmare Killer Issue Ten. Of my weekly Dark Fantasy comic series is out now. Hope you all enjoy XD.

Hey everyone. Letting you all know that Nightmare Killer Issue Ten. Of my weekly Dark Fantasy comic series is out now. Hope you all enjoy XD.

Hey everyone. Letting you all know that Nightmare Killer Issue Ten. Of my weekly Dark Fantasy comic series is out now. Hope you all enjoy XD.