Underground Writers Network Forum Hoping for some helpful hints

Hello, I am Lovely_Poet and I am asking for some helpful criticism. Until recently writing and I have had a falling out, but thankfully a few days ago we made up and a story was born. What I'm hoping for is to have people let me know how I can improve this story because it's one I am hoping to stick with. The story is called "The Pending Plot Line of Zander Vale". If anyone would be willing to read and review it I would very much appreciate it. Thank you for your time.