Underground Writers Network Forum Incomplete Thoughts

Well, here it is the mentioned thread. Just in case you didn't get the mailing:

Quote:


Have fun sharing and participating!

This piece concerns an alternative theory on the afterlife. I wrote it from scratch on monday. It hasnt been edited at all. So, i would love to know peoples thoughts about how to improve it, extend it and so on.

Valerie, thank you for starting this thread.

Little God A Story by Wulfstan Crumble

I could use a little help with the ending, but all advice is welcome.

�DON�T READ THIS!!! DON�T READ THIS!!! DON�T READ THIS!!!�

That seems like enough warning to keep anyone away, but I had to read that message.

�I told you not to read, but now it�s too late. One day, a young girl was walking down the street when a car pulled alongside her. She was snatched from the street, beaten, raped, and hung to death in a closet. If you don�t repost this 3 times in 143, the girl will haunt your house for 5 years.�

�Bull-s**t,� I muttered to myself, as I hit the home button. �I�m so tired of those stupid repost things. I�m never doing them again.�

I woke up the next morning to the sound of screeching tires and screams. I rolled over and looked out of my window just in time to see my neighbors speeding down the street. I shrugged my shoulders and went to the kitchen. I grabbed my Cheetos and walked to the refrigerator for my orange juice. As I opened the door to grab the carton, I saw a severed head staring at me from the top shelf next to the orange juice. I shrugged my shoulders and grabbed my juice. As I began to walk to the counter, I noticed a significant leakage in the bottom of the carton. I placed it in the sink and walked back to the fridge.

�You can�t ignore me forever.� Cackled the head.
�Who are you? I muttered, still half-asleep.
�I�m the ghost of the little girl that was beaten and hung in a closet.�
�Weren�t you also raped?�
�Yeah, but I prefer not to talk about that.�
�Ohh, I�m sorry. Well, what do you want?�
�You ignored my message on Myspace.�
�So, you�ve decided, not to go to amazing sights in the world and travel around, but to haunt people and live in their fridge.�
�Yeah. Well, all souls have to haunt a house for 5 years before they are free to travel. I figured the best way to get done in a hurry was to post a bulletin on Myspace.�
�Oh. So you�re deadgurl666?�
�Yeah, that�s me.�
�Hmm�Did you do that to my OJ?�
�Yes I did.�
�B***h,� I screamed, taking the head from its shelf and throwing it out of the window.

After explaining to the glass man and my neighbors how I tripped and threw my basketball out of the window, I walked back inside to wash away the embarrassment in the shower.

�Boo,� came a voice from behind me, whispering just loud enough to overcome the noise of the shower.
�Ahh,� I screamed, before slipping to the floor, hitting my head upon the pedestal sink on the way.

I explained how I slipped on a bar of soap and fell to my best friend/doctor, and he just laughed at me. I tried to tell him about the girl showing up in my fridge and shower. I haven�t spoken with him since. He even took me off of his top 8 friends.

I went back home, showered off the embarrassment uninterrupted, glanced at my Casio watch that said 2 a.m., and fell to my pillow-top bed.

�Wakeup call!!!�
�Ahh,� I screamed. I grabbed my watch off of the wicker nightstand. 2:03.
�So, what�s going on?�
�I was sleeping.�
�Ohh, well get up.�
�Why?�
�I wanna talk.�
�Maybe she�ll go away if I do it,� I thought to myself. �So, what about.�
�I don�t know, you start us off.�
�Okay, you seen any good episodes of Family Guy lately?�
�I was thinking of something more along the lines of me and you,� she said, winking.
�Well, if you want to talk about you, then why don�t you explain something to me.�
�Okay.�
�Why are you giving me such a hard time?�
�Whatever do you mean?�
�Well, for starters, you made a hole in my Orange Juice carton!�
�Well, I was thirsty. The OJ was the closest, and being in head form, I had to bite a hole in it to drink.�
�Ohh, well why did you pop up in my shower and just wake me up after the longest day of my life?�
�As far as the shower goes, I just wanted to see you naked. I woke you up to talk about our relationship.�
�What relationship? You�re a dead girl, and I�m the guy that you�re haunting.�
�I was thinking maybe we�d get closer.�
�No. You�re a dead girl. Even if your face wasn�t horrible disfigured and blue, you�re a freakin� ghost, I couldn�t do anything with you.�
�Well, as far as the having sex part, it�s very possible, I can make myself dense enough for contact, how do you think I bit a hole in an OJ carton? As far as the face goes, you ever heard of a plastic bag?�

As I plowed away, I thought how horrible the next morning was going to be.

�Wake up baby.�
�Huh?�
�I tried to make you some breakfast, and I made a really big mess.�
�S**t.�

After cleaning up the kitchen and making a quick run to Mickey D�s, I sat down across from my hauntress.

�That was great last night.�
�Yeah?�
�Sure was. I was just looking through a magazine on the back of your toilet, and I saw this ad.�

I flipped it over to discover that all of last night�s bad dreams had come true. The ad read, �Lorch�s: 10% off of all diamond rings.�

�No.�
�Huh?�
�Hell no, you�re a ghost.�
�It wasn�t hell no last night, when I gave myself to you!�

She went into a fit of anger and begun tearing my house apart.

�Hey, hey, I didn�t say no,� I yelled, trying to calm her down.
�So will you?� she began to cry.
�Yes,� I muttered as I began to devise the perfect plan. �We will get married in 2012.�

She had no sense of time, so all I had to do was keep her away from calendars until her 5 year tenancy was up.

4 YEARS 354 DAYS LATER

�Wake up. I just got a message from my parole angel about how my time is up and I will be taken to another place.�
�Yessss,� I said to myself. �Oh no, oh my God, this cannot be. Oh no, why, why, why?�
�Calm down, I spoke with my angel and I found out that if I make another bulletin, and you read it, then I can stay for another 5 years, and so on.�
�Oh, that�s fantastic. Just send me another bulletin,� I cried as she faded away.

THE NEXT DAY

�Deadgurl666-Don�t read this�

I signed off and began laughing to myself.

Here's what I have thus far...

and i'm drowning A Poem by Paul Browne

It's wonderful that you are posting those pieces, now we need to get reviewing to actually make this work. I would suggest that those that have posted their pieces asking for help, try to help the others that have posted as well. As a ways of getting things started.

I am also sending an e-mail to our members, requesting them to help out and review these works with the aim of improvement in mind.

I believe posting the actual pieces here, since they are unfinished, might be better to create dialog about them and exchange, instead of people having to leave the forum to read your pieces.

Let me know your thoughts ;)