Underground Writers Network Forum What would women do in this si..

I was just thinking of a particular premise for a novel, but I'd be interested in hearing what some women might do if they were in this situation. Consider it research for the book. If you'd like to chime in, I'd really like to hear what you think, so please feel free to add your comments.

Here's the scenario: suppose you are a married woman. You could be married for any length of time (however, if you wouldn't mind, please mention in your comments what you're imagining), whether newlyweds or years. Now suppose inexplicably, your husband stops making advances towards you in bed. Whatever is the normal frequency you might engage in sex, it suddenly, abruptly, stops. What would be your reaction? What might you suspect of your husband?

Would you suspect he's having an affair? Would you blame yourself somehow? Would you try to get back at him in some way? I'd like to know!

If you reply, you have my many thanks, and if it works out, you could indirect influence this piece I'm working on...

Thanks!

Sounds like an interesting premise/scenario for a novel.

You will probably get a lot of varied responses on the subject. It will largely depend on the set of values each person hold, and their pshychological development as well as their sense of self.

As for myself, I believe communication is always the best way to approach any situation.

Good luck with the project. Let us know :)

would you order viagra? (comedy)
Get revenge (exploitation/revenge)
Would you try to find the mistress (thriller/mystery)

...or all of the above?

Perhaps the married woman doesn't ask her husband why he resists or doesn't seem interested. She might think she is ugly or over-weight. Maybe she becomes depressed? Maybe she's a ghost?
I hope that this has helped you some. It's open-ended really. Good luck writing
M. Storms

I personally have the self esteem of a flea. Therefore, I would probably assume that he was cheating, or he was just not so interested in me. I don't know what I would do, but that would be my first assumption.

hhmmmm if my partner were suddenly an icicle in the bedroom...i would think one of a few basic things
1. they're bored
2. they're cheating and cant perform out of guilt
3.some sort of erectile dysfunction
4. some sort of lack of sex hormones
5. anti-depressants: depending on the person..they can f**k with your sex drive

Abruptly, you say. I guess it would depend on the situation, on my self-esteem at the moment, on how the other parts of my marriage worked out, but some possibilities are:

a.) I would think he's got some sort of erectile dysfunction or has hurt himself and doesn't want me to see it -- ie. he fell and has a big wound on whichever part of his body, or he accidentally got into a fight (I don't think I'd marry someone who was prone to incidentally getting into fights) or bit by a dog or something.
b.) I would think he has cheated on me. It's pretty obvious, right? But I would also believe that he has only cheated on me once -- either with someone he didn't expect to have sex with, or with someone whom he has felt strongly for (in whichever way, sexual or romantic)/has been flirting with/has been being seduced by for quite some time, and he has been trying to "resist the temptation" but has finally succumbed to it.
c.) Maybe he's been cheating on me for a really long time with a girl who f***s around a lot, and he has gotten some sort of STD, as dangerous as you want to make it.
d.) Mid-life crisis, if we've been married for a long time. Maybe he just doesn't feel inclined to sex for some reason. If we have to get alarmed, maybe he has some sort of sickness like cancer, or maybe someone dear to him has died unexpectedly/not a natural death and he's questioning all the aspects of his life.

And I really can't think of anything else. I wouldn't blame myself, because you say it's abrupt, and if I had been performing badly for a long time, then sex would have lessened progressively, not abruptly. And we're supposed to be in this world, not in a fantasy world, so. Hope it helps!

To be honest I would think he was cheating on me. Especially if it just stopped abruptly. If it slowed down and than stopped all together than I would say it was boredom.

But like I said because you made mention is stopped suddenly I would react that he was cheating on me. The first thing I would do is find some proof. Check his email, check his call log on his cell phone. That kind of thing. If I had proof I'd confront him with it.

Now depending on the how much self esteem you are giving your character is how they would react. If they are a very strong person than they would tell the hubby to go to hell. If she was weak and very dependent on the guy she would be doing everything to hold on to him.

I would communicate; Why is this happening? Is he ok? Do we have problems I am not aware of? Have *I* done something?

I don't think I would automatically assume I'm the reason, but I would use all the angles as reasons. And communicate it. I would ask straight out.

I would never go in on his privacy as in checking emails and phone logs. Because coming from a suspicion [assuming he's cheating], what I will see - EVEN if it is not the Truth - is hints and 'evidences' of cheating, because people do - unconsciously - twist and turn things to make them fit the original feeling.
Dangerous behavior, actually; because it may create something that is not there.

I think the hardest lesson for women in general is to understand the realities we create by our low self esteem. We have a fantabulous intuition, but if used when we are not solid on own two feet in ourselves, create environments that are not completely clear and true.
To have the right partner is one thing - to BE the right partner, is everything. We have a responsibility too. [smiles]

I would go for communication. And have the spine to take the truth. Because whether or not we like it; with suspicion we create drama, and we dont take half of the responsibility for it. We often drive men away with whining, drama, and pure ridiculous behaviors. We expect alot but do little many times. So is that entirely their fault then? Not even close.
But he will be the one with the blame, even if we are unable to be around (because of jealousy and low self esteem - screaming, nagging, bitching).

Self awareness is Everything in a relationship, IMO.

Skye

http://www.writerscafe.org/images/forum/sconfused.gif
First of all dear, Let me tell you that it is the most asked questions within the women category in the classification of the species called homo sapeins. Partially, in that kind of situation, if you are newly married, you will tend to blame yourself partly for that situation. But if you are married for years and this happens all of a sudden, it's natural for a woman to be suspicious. This is just what I think. You said that you wanted a free opinion, so that is what I've tried to give. Please message me your opinion on my opinion!http://www.writerscafe.org/images/forum/sbiggrin.gif

~KA~

The woman would speculate about her husband having an affair with

a) another woman,

b) with another man,

c) with a website.

In all candor, without more substantiative information about the particular woman

(unusual circumstances, etc.), I don't know why this would be a particularly attractive premise for a novel. Unless, of course, the treatment of the premise was itself unusual.

Michael

get hurt, get frustrated, get angry, and then get hurt again. Usually in that order. I'd think it was me and that he wasn't attracted to me anymore and probably sink into some deep depression.