The Review Club Forum Nick's Discussion

Hey Nick, thought I would start a new thread for your discussion. I reviewed The Prologueof The Storytellers Day. let me know if you have any questions about my review or you want to talk about any of the things I talked about in my review.

Talk to you soon,

Gabe

[img]http://a236.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/68/m_233aa9fa2d0eae3f6902726e7773db13.jpg[/img]

Gab,

You beat me responding to you...no matter, thank you.

You pretty much hit some things right on the head with what others have commented on.  And no offense to anyone, but some of the comments I have received I doubt I will add or change.  Simple reason...the village and villagers are not the important issues at this point.  The storyteller, the stranger and the little red-haired girl are going to be the story within the story, and so they are important at this opening point.  As each prologue and epilogue are presented in each book, more and more of the village will be shown because by the last book, they will all tie in; the village, the story within a story, and the last tale of the storyline.  

My issues I think is how to make what I have work more effectively as a hook, and expanding the images just a little more.  Once you get into chapter one the storyteller and village are no longer a part of the story, though hints are show throughout on who they could be.

Thanks again for the review and your vote of confidence.

Nick.

Hey Nick.as I have said, take my comments as you want. Aftreall you are the writer. I think that i didn't explain what i meant by some descriptors for you prologue. i didn't mean for you to add paragraphs and paragraphs of description. I meant something like a few sentences here or there. You took the time to mention how the horse carriages seemed muffled when the storyteller started his story, it would only take a few words to say what the horses were walking over cobbelstone or dirt. The reason I want to see this isn't because I want to know about the village, it probably is irrelivent, but by throwing out just a few details here and there I get a feel for the time of the story,you know where are they in the evolution timeline. The reason this is important to me as a reader is because when I read fantasy I only prefer certain types that are written in certain times, wheel `O' time is a good example of this. Neil Gaimon is a perfect example of what I don't like to read because it is current time and I don't have to use my imagination. So when I flip through a book I look for a few key things, time frame, is it a questing plot, and how long is the series. If the answers are... undeveloped but organized, yes, and long then I pick up the first book. I'm not looking for the tolken-esk version of how the night wind flows over the straw thatched roofs in a very speciefic way for pages and pages, but a tweek to a sentence or two would do the trick.

Hope I help,

Gabe
[img]http://a236.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/68/m_233aa9fa2d0eae3f6902726e7773db13.jpg[/img]

Gab,

I understood about only adding a line or two and I am looking into it to see if just a few expressions can be more revealing.  Though I did mention the cobblestones around the village square. 

I am trying to leave out any description to the village for now, such as name, because it becomes appearent to the observent readers in the first several chapters.    But once the reader figures it out, the description of the village is fairly strong within the book.  (I do show alot more image descriptors in the chapters of the story.) 

But I do understand what your refering to.  I too am not too fond of modern Fantasy Fiction and am more than likely a snob when in comes to Fantasy Fiction.  Among my favoirtes today...David Eddings, Stephen Donaldson, and a few others.  No...Jordan is not among by favorites because his writings became tedious in detail and the reader has to have patience or work to hard to understand.   I don't want to read a full chapter on how a certain rug is woven.

You do have the same reading and browsing habits as I, so I do understand.  Again, thank you for your comments.

Nick.

First, I want to thank everyone who has taken the time to review TON Book 1.   I have gotten some good feed back and things to think on.

Now, one of the biggest comments I have been hit with, is everyone wants to know more about Nathin, to feel more from  him.   OK...so I have a delimma with this, and allow me to explain a bit and then  ask a question.

First, Nathin is 21, and because of his training, he is very self assured of his abilities, and keeps his emotions under control for the most part.   All part of the mystique those of his craft perpertrate on others to keep the upper hand.  Part of the issue, I have is that Nathin even hides alot of his emotions from himself. 

So outside of passive narrative exposition, how do I show more of his emotions at this time.   As I get into the book and other character PoV's, more and more is revealed from his interactions with others.  I built him slowly to start with because later I want to show the cracks in his veneer as he starts questioning his beliefs, his life, his world.  The first two chapters are mostly opening to introduce the reader to the hero, his world, and a single event that takes the hero out of his normal world.   IT is not the event though that sets the hero on his journey, from which he can not turn back.  So, I am building a world, introducing characters in the first few chapters.

I once had a reader complain that she connected more with the antagonist than Nathin, because she knew more about the antagonist.   Good...strong antagonist...strong storyline.  But, by the end of the last chapter, she revised her thoughts.  She told me that Nathin was a very complicatted individual but in a simple way.   Bingo...she got it.  

But she is not an agent, and she stuck with 51 chapters which an agent is not going to do if I do not drawn him/her in within the first 5 pages.  So, how do I show a character that can not show his emotions openly.  Nathin is wise but naive about the world outside of Thothguard, and women.   He is easy going, live and let live type of guy because he has yet been challenged.  He has confidence in his abilities and has never lost a contest of skill.  But this is all about to change in the coming chapters. 

So I ask again...opening...gotta have a gotcha.  Got to introduce your world.  Gotta introduce the charaters be they protagonist or antagonist.  Got to show a hint at the storyline and start the hero on his journey, even if indirectly. 

I think I have all that, but is my character building too slow? 

Just a question to help me think this through and to make a strong start if possible.

Nick.

Just wanted to stop by and apologise for being sort of absent.   I have had a terrible sinus infection coupled with a busy work and social schedule.   Hopefully, next week will be slower and I will get back to reviewing and debating.

Nick.

Hey Nick, I just posted a review for you, let me know if you have any questions, or just want to talk to me about my review or your story.



Talk to you soon,



Gabe



[img]http://a236.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/68/m_233aa9fa2d0eae3f6902726e7773db13.jpg[/img]

To all who have reviewed this work this week, I want to thank you for the thoughtful reviews and suggestions.   Cameron...yes, my verbs and adverbs could be better and I will have to find a way to spruce some of them up to create more dynamic images.  

As always, you all have given me some thoughts to think upon.  And whatever I do, I still thank you all for the time and effort.

Nick.

Yeah... really though if I'm picking on the small stuff it's because I don't have any big stuff to pick on.

Cameron, thanks for the encouragement, but  too many of the small things can also kill the sense and dynamics of the story just as well.  So again, thank you.

And please know that I owe a whole bunch of reviews that I will be getting to sooner than later.

Nick