The Review Club Forum Anthony discussion

This is the place for discussion for any of Anthony's pieces

Gotta keep it seperated....

This is for the review CC gave me recently. I wanted to follow up on what you said about me forcing the characters thoughts. I think you are right. In chapter two I use them less and let the narrators voice communicate more. By the end of it, I realized there was a difference in style between one and two. That difference is the internal dialog.

I wasn't sure which I should be perusing. With your comment I think I'll be going after less thoughts but one thing I do want is for the characters seemingly communicate directly to the reader. Almost where they are trying to take over the narrators job to the point where they are corrected him some of the time.

Maybe I'm expecting too much for the voice/narrator of the story. I want him/it ,whatever, to be as real as any of the other characters. Flawed to a degree. And with the flaws more real. Am I making any sense here?

Thanks for the review, Anthony

Thanks for the review rob and I'm glad you found part one entertaining. Part two is in a much rawer state.(especially after the interview) I flung it together a day before I had to post it up. Just warning you.
I've already started working on descriptions and creating a more horror like tempo but what I have done is just too sporadic to weave into it just yet.

Thanks for the review Kim, I'm glad you liked it. For some reason I was thinking you already read some of Baton Camoisi. I think you'll dig chapter one too. Chapter 2 is on the rough side a little. Still needs some work. Not saying read them but eventually I would like you to. YOU know how much I envy your brain.


Julie! Wassup chic! Thanks for the reviews and edits. Oh and for the words of encouragement. Who knows maybe I'll finish something. ::cool::

Hey Julie thanks for the review. That second part of two is rough so thanks for going easy on me. I have a god bit of it rewritten just not the right time to post it yet. Ahh I have a wonderful scene written out on WIllie's fall(atleast I think it is). I wanna share it but no not ready :( Meep Also I still don't have Willies dream in there.

About the trial, now I plan for little future jumps throughout the novel like that. I'm not sure if you remember the prologue with Reggie and Sam Hutchinson but that red headed kid is Reggie. They don't become active in the story till later on but I don't want the reader to forget about them. I think if a reader were to read the prologue chap one and two they would have spotted Reggie.

I plan to work a reverse time line where as the book progresses whitenesses, newspaper article, diaries etc... recall what they saw in a reverse sequence as it happened. But none of it will make since because once we get to the part where Reggie and Hutchinson become active all the stories play out in the correct order.

Guess we shall see what happens.

Anthony:

That makes sense if you plan to use that techique throughout. I'd just suggest watching the placement and making sure it doesn't pull the reader from a critcal moment or descriptive scene. I like the idea of a diary alot. And I do remeber Reggie. I was wondering where you might be going with that. Well, I hope to see more soon.

Julie

PS: What are the other languages, and really nunchucks?

Yea nunchucks, a guy from Tanzania taught me. You'd be surprise just how much leggs
are used but maybe being a private PI you wouldn't. A year or two ago I came by a set and gave them a twirl. I learned real quick that I'm not as flexible as I was and now I have love handles that I didn't when I had last used them lol. After a few adjustments I was fine.

Everybody was kung fu fighting....

Quote:


Perfectly timed.


Maybe I'll have the lyric thread. Second line of so far.

Thanks for the review Gabe. I really need to get something new posted. I feel bad you had to go in and review an old relic like sister. Maybe this weekend I can get chapter 3 up.

Yeah, Anthony. You'd better!!!

Thanks for the review Brent. I have most of three written out. It's just a matter of getting it all together and adding details. Van gets a little weirder and some other characters are introduced. It has just been crazy around my house lately.
The recurring testimony and things will happen. I'm thinking of one for chapter 4.

Thanks for the review CC. You brought out a lot of things I was thinking about but just didn't know how to word. In regards to Williams scene just hold off judgment till the revision is up. Which probably won't be till I finish this book :) Most of it is written but I've moved on since then.

You are going to blow your top when you read about the midget vampires lurking in the Air ducts.. I'm just joking.

Chapter three is nearing completion and I'll be interested to hear your thoughts
on further character developments and story. Things start to take a change and tensions start to build on it. Just wish I was working on chapters 4-6.

Thanks for the reviews Brent. Things did get smoother with the revision but there still another revision that is needed. :) Sister was the only piece I've ever submitted to be published. Looking at it now though I see how much work is left on it. Thank you for your review and edits.

GEEZUM, finally got chapter 3 done. Now to post it.

Thanks for the review Cameron. I wanted to talk about this comment some.

"Also I really have a problem with the fact that the kid is twelve and narrating this. The language is really adult and generally pretty archaic for a twelve year old."

I want the hideous Idea of a young kid doing this. I just think a twelve year old doing it would have more a village of the damned feel to it. Also with making the boy older would make it less likely he would be seeking out the affections of his grandfather. Norman Baits is understandable at 30 and even more so at 45, but 15-19 not so much. 12 is that tender age where you still can be a kid.

I'm thinking maybe the kid should be some sort of prodigy or something. What sort of traits or history do you think could invoke a mind like that? Make a Kid write like that?

Anthony-

That's a good question. I thought that's what you were going for. But in all honesty, Lovecraft (and Poe) are both creepy with adult characters. I thought the mindset works. I mean he certainly could be a genius, or really into Poe or Lovecraft.

But honestly I think him being twelve gives the audience an out too. I mean a twelve year old who does horrible things is initially shocking, but in the end forgivable (he knows not what he does). But a thirty year old who wants to mutilate a helpless man... well that's another story.

But to answer your question, I think you need some reason for him to talk like that. Either a time setting like the Victorian era. Or some strange fascination with Poe. But in the end that's just me. Take it as you will.

Cameron