The Review Club Forum Discussion of Rob's The Sound ..

Discussion of Rob's The Sound of a Dying Universe

Cam,

You are bang on correct. I wrote this awhile back and haven't been back to it because I thought I'd get some feedback to see if I'm seeing the same breakdown in the story. I think I've got to thread it better. It's kind of lost its juice. I think I know what I have to do to get it back on track, and I'll deal with that in a rewrite of this chapter and into the next (though I know I have to go back to chapter 1 forward at some point). All those things that have been creeping up with all of the reviewers here, quite rightly, have reached a breaking point in the narrative. I know what I want to do -- it just isn't going there! Ugh!

My original thought was to have each chapter in this Part 1 -- Memory reflect a theme -- on death and loss, on self-discovery, on knowledge, on love, on bravery, etc. But I still need to thread them better. Thoughts?

Thanks Cam.

Rob

Well I think it's an interesting idea. And I understand the idea you're going for. And don't get me wrong some of your writing is excellent. I think probably my main problem is that it doesn't start from the beginning chronologically. There aren't really any touchstones that carry throughout the story except for the main character. Most of the other characters kind of flit in and out, so it's kind of hard to feel a connection with anyone outside of the main character.

Honestly my biggest suggestion might be to carry some of these characters into the story in a larger personal role. I kind of get a feeling that they're used when they're important to the story. Rather than as organic or important parts of the person's life. I'm not sure if that helps. But it's just an idea.

Cameron

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I hear ya, Cam. I do. I think what I should do, as part of this exercise, is to unfragment "memory" so it's smoother, and I can jar up "forgetting". I did break up the chronological approach as well, which makes it jump around a bit as I roll around in the past. I should hold that steadier.

Thanks, man! Rob

Anything I can do to help. :)

Hey Chrissy, thanks for the review. You're always so darn good at them. My feel at this point is I'm at the breaking point of the story at, what, I think about 20,000 words where I better figure out what this is and where it's going. I have the broad framework and then the smaller elements, but I'm not threading them. I need to sit down with this stuff and really figure it out. Your eye on this has been extremely helpful. I fear I'm at the point where this needs to be rewritten with story arc built in, so there's a sense of progression rather than a series of scenes. Thanks, you've been great. Cheers! Rob

Thanks Bill. I think the first couple chapters are good, with a little tweaking, but from 3 on it starts to become too fragmented. I have to get a tighter rein on it and really sit down and hash this out. Figure what I'm doing and where I'm going. Cheers! Thanks. Rob