The Review Club Forum Discussion on Magnolia Belle's..

Discussion on Magnolia Belle's Lady Gwendolyn

I have to say that my first review from someone here went very well. I have always struggled with passive voice, so the comments were on target. Thank you!

Welcome to the group. Looking forward to reviewing you. I believe I have you this week.



Catch ya l8r, Anthony

Oops, I don't have you this week. So review you later :)

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Your welcome. I've seen much words passive users, so I think you're fine. Good luck to you. It seems like a fun story.

Julie

I've received several reviews on Lady Gwendolyn (now that the Cafe is operational again), and thank each one of you for them.

There seemed to be a common theme running through the reviews - the story is a familiar one. And, you're right. It starts off like a 'once upon a time'. However, I know what's in chapter two and am greatly interested to hear from the rest of you about if it works or not.

Also, I wrote this quickly and now, after seeing the depth of this group's consideration, think perhaps I should revisit the chapters and 'tidy' them up before your discerning eyes get to them. ;p

Thank you again. I'm learning a lot already here.

Belle

Moving this thread up

William - thank you for your review on Ch. 1. You aren't the first person to mention Lady Gwendolyn and the problematic arrow. So, I copied your recommendation into the chapter at home and incorporated (cough*stole*cough) most of it. ::biggrin::

And, thanks for the welcome. I'm truly glad to be here.

Fixes are for stealing. Else how could we reviewers otherwise become a small part of the art of others. Reviewing and having one's suggestions "stolen" is as sitting for a painter is contributing to the world of art.

Glad to be of help.

Julie - thank you for your insight on Ch. 2. I have to tell you, yesterday morning, as I reread the story, the thought that I needed to explain Madeleine's loyalty crossed my mind. Now, you point out the same thing. Perfect! (I feel a rewrite coming on.)

It would make a great discussion in the litter just before the attack. The two women, lady and maid, could speculate about the future as well as recall some of the past.

And your nitpicks are spot on!

Thank you so much!

Belle

Belle:

I was thinking about the maid's loyalty. Have they been Lady Gwendolyn's maids for a long time? Like childhood friends? Are they roughly the same age? I'd accept that type of loyalty easily.

Just a thought.

Julie

I have taken the collective notes and observations and edited Ch. 1. It answers questions now that you have asked.

My next task will be to do the same for Ch. 2. So many of you have left really good suggestions, that I thank you very much.

Moving this thread up