The Fictional Committee Of Writing Forum Je voudrais une revue

I would be thoroughly delighted if some of you would read my short story 'Death's Holiday' (and hopefully review it, too). I would love some constructive criticism, I'm feeling too happy right now. Lol. But seriously, it would be cool if you could read it and tell me what you think. The URL is

Please, be as constructively criticizing as possible. I still think it has a ways to go. Thanks!