The Capricious Love Forum Love's fall

I love you. Three simple words, eight simple letters. One simple sentence. Then why is it so hard to say? Its truly amazing, yet at the same time, truly terrifying that those three words can allow you to show someone so much about you. About how you feel towards that person. Those eight letters can mean so many different things, for family, friendship, and relationships. That one sentence has the power to build something strong, or tear it apart. I love you. And i don't know how to tell you. It seems like only yesterday i met you for the first time, and my stomach did backflips. My heart skipped a beat, and my soul leaped inside of me. It was as if every problem had just drifted away. And it felt good. Damn it felt good. I didn't think you would even notice me, but you did. You chose to spend your time speaking to me, and texting me all of the time. I worried that i would bore you, or you wouldn't like me, but everything i said or did, pulled you closer. And i was so grateful it did. Every time i saw you after that, all i could imagine was holding you close, and never letting go. The night you asked me to be yours, i felt the happiest i had been in a while. You, this amazing, handsome, funny, caring guy, wanted me. I said yes, obviously, and we held each other till the sunrise, and then some. We texted each other every day, and every time i met up with you, every second of it was sheer bliss. I felt at peace. Normally, my mental barriers prevent me from getting close to anyone. Life had taught me the hard way that trust didn't come easily, and you get hurt a lot if you trust everyone. I was defensive naturally, by instinct. But with you, every barrier, every wall, every mental block came crashing to the ground. I was vulnerable, but you never took advantage. You thanked me for letting you in, and you promised me you would keep me safe, and make me feel loved. You kept that promise. I finally felt like myself, that i wasn't hiding behind some mask. And i loved it. I loved you. I love you. When you whispered those words to me for the first time, i thought i was dreaming, and i didn't want to wake up. It was heaven, hearing you say that to me. I felt loved, and i believed every word you said. You followed your words with actions, showing me you meant them. You treated me like a princess, and no less. Everyone around me saw a change in me. My family, friends, teachers, all saw i was different for the better. My grades went up, i was happier, i looked healthier, and i never frowned. Some people were even jealous of my happiness, wishing they could feel as appreciated as i did. As loved as i did. I love you. They were the last words you spoke to me before it. Before the end. Before my heart was shattered into pieces. i didn't even see it coming. I thought we were happy - you were happy. I guess i was wrong. I had just gone out when you called me, and told me you didn't want me anymore. I had to sit down. My legs gave in, and i felt sick to my stomach. My hands shook, and i could barely hold the phone. My voice cracked when i responded to you, and my whole world came crashing down around me. When you hung up, i allowed the tears to run down my cheeks, silent pain flooding my face. I fell mute, no words could describe how i felt. My friends tried to snap me out of it, hugging me and telling me they loved me. But it wasn't them who i wanted to hear it from. It was you, but i knew that i would never hear you utter those words again. Not to me. The next two months were hell. I woke up every day, from nightmares, wanting to text you good morning, and wish you a great day. But i knew i couldn't. You didn't want me anymore. I went through every day, seeing couples together, and missing you. Everything reminded me of you. She has the same phone. He has the same eyes. They have the same shirt. I heard your laugh everywhere, and I'd eagerly look around, trying to find you, but seeing nothing but unfamiliar faces. I had given up on the idea of happiness. Life had taught me, that no matter how good something is, it gets taken away. A few guys approached me, asking if id like to go to the cinema with them, or chill at theirs, but i bluntly refused. No one could ever replace you. No one. I didn't feel anything anymore, except sadness and pain. It was my constant companion, my everlasting torturer. Even in sleep it haunted me. I thought i could never escape. I love you. That thought never left my mind. Even though you had left, and didn't love me anymore, i still loved you. I held on, because if i didn't, i was scared i would float away, lost forever. My emotions for you never faded at all. But they were alone. It was a one way love, which is the loneliest of all. I saw your photos on Facebook of you happy and smiling,with friends, on holiday, and i was happy that you were happy, but i couldn't get over you. I tried, so many times, knowing that holding on just made it hurt more. But i couldn't let go. It just felt wrong. I love you. Those words rang through my head when you texted me for the first time in a while. You had apologised for not talking to me, and said you wanted to be friends. I said yes, because i wanted you in my life. Yeah, being friends with someone you love is hard, but its better than not having them at all. It meant that you could still be near them, even if you cant be with them. But there was nothing I could do. You cant make someone love you. I just wish i could. I love you. That sentence almost came out of my mouth when you phoned me after we met in town that day. You told me you hadn't moved on, and still cared about me. You said you wanted to text me but didn't know what to say. Or you were afraid i would ignore you. That was when i realised that you DID care. That i had been wrong for all that time. I knew you didn't love me. I knew you didn't really like me. But hearing that you missed me hit my heart like a drum. It resonated through my entire being, that a small part of you still cared. I love you. And i have since i let you in, and see the real me. I probably always will. We talk all the time now, slowly building up to where we used to be. You want to take it slow, and im respecting that. I wish you wanted me like i want you, to hold you in my arms again, to kiss your lips, to fall asleep wrapped in your protecting embrace. But you dont feel like that. Not yet. I dont know if you ever will, but i hope you do. This is my second chance, and ill do anything to make it work. I love you, and even if you don't feel the same way, i will never stop loving you. I have loved you from the second you saw the real me and accepted it. I have loved you through our time together, and i have loved you when i thought you had left forever. And i will love you, whether you regain your feelings for me or not. I promise. I love you. Those eight simple letters stay in my head everytime i think about you. Which is always. I know that you dont feel the same way, but maybe in time you will. Maybe, one day, you will love me like i love you, and we can be happy like we used to be. Today, you spoke to your ex. The entire time u were with her i was terrified you would want her back. That she would take you away. I cried in the car on the way home, terrified that i would lose you again. But then you texted me like normal, and told me that it didn't go amazingly well with speaking to her. You should have seen my face. I was grinning like an idiot. But i will never ever forget the feeling i had, that i could lose you. Because that feeling shows me my true feelings towards you. We are hopefully on the road to recovery, and maybe one day ill have the courage to show you this. Maybe one day i will work up the courage to tell you what i feel. To say those three simple words. Those eight simple letters. That one simple sentence. I love you I love you. Those words are ringing in my ears right now, trying to calm me down. They are aimed at myself. I keep telling myself "i love you, that's all you need." because its the only thing that can help me. Over this. The second time you have smashed my heart. You say you care. You send sweet messages, you tell me there's a chance of a future, then one night, you drop the bombshell that you miss me as a friend. Nothing more. Nothing less. I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest, and my soul has departed from me. I am alone. And i have lost you. You want nothing to do with me emotionally. You want me as a friend, nothing more. I love you enough to leave you be, to give you what you want. It kills me inside, knowing that you are happier without me, but if that is how you feel, i will respect your decision. I will say this though. I am a second chance girl. Everyone deserves a second chance, but if they mess it up, then there are no more. You tore my heart to pieces once. I was alone for two months, hating life. Then you reappeared in my life, pretending to care. You told me we had a future. And it will only take time. You called me gorgeous and hun and baby and sweetheart. Those words worked their way into my heart. And stayed there. The second i knew they were lies, they turned into dynamite, and blew my heart into fragments. There is no third chance. You had your chances and you blew them both. Well, you can be proud of something. You were the first guy i truly loved, and you are the only guy who has broken my heart twice. Congratulations, you have effectively torn me apart, and no length of time will ever put me back together again. I may love you, but right now, i hate what you have made me become. Some weak, fragile human that can shatter at any second. I used to be the strongest person i knew. Nothing could hurt me, i was the sturdy one, reliable, always there, always together. Now, i feel empty. Nothing i do is worth anything anymore. You have corrupted me. You took everything from me without even asking, i just gave it willingly, trusting you would keep it safe. You threw it away, twice. And as much as i wish you loved me, you dont. And as much as i care about you, i cant do this to myself. Not again. This is the last time i will ever say these words, to you, or to anyone for a really long time. And this time, i wish i didn't mean them. I hope you see your mistake, and regret how you treated me. But i wont forgive you. I never will. Ever. You took my heart, and destroyed it. Now i cant give it to someone else. You selfish human, leaving your mark on me, and permanently damaging me. How dare you. i love you, but now, and probably untill the day i die.... I wish i had never met you. I love you. Those words will never ever have to be said to you again. I have realised what an a*****e you are. You bitched about me to my friends, told them u don’t care you hurt me, and have moved on ages ago and its my fault. You are so insensitive, and i could. Never love someone so horrible and vile, and evil. Im so happy though, because of your actions, i have moved on. I have no feelings for you, and i could care less if you were in my life. I can honestly say these words now. And they are almost the same, but they make me feel so much better to say. Those three simple words, those eight simple letters, that one simple sentence. I hate you

This`s called "Capricious" love where the happiness gets replaced with a pile of tears just like the 3-words of love got replaced with another 3-words of hate. And, the reason`s still undefined cos, the reason`s itself found as capricious as love.