The Best Group To Get Reviews********************* Forum Looking for a serious review

Ok, so my book, hopefully, will be polished up and going on sale in December. Before that I need someone or a few someones to read it and give me their impression of it. I already know about any grammatical errors and I am working on them I just need your overall view of the piece. If anyone is interested I thank you in advance

Good Luck with your Book 

Hellos,
     Well I'm reading through your novel, “Memories of the Future's Past, Part 1” and I've only gotten to about 11% read according to my Kindle, which I'm estimating to be approximately 51 pages.   But so far I'd say it was very well written.   You have a good fluent writing voice. As for the plot there were times I felt it might seem a bit contrived, maybe bordering on the cliche.   Maybe it's just me but some of the ways you get your hero out of trouble just seem just a little too convenient. Not that there's anything inherently wrong with that, after all this is a magical fantasy realm and that lends to a feeling of being a fairy tale. And fairy tales are notorious for their 'deus ex machina' style of writing.   Also I thought you used being knocked out as a plot device to get your leading character from one scene to the next a few too many times.
     That said it's good enough that I want to see what happens next, but it might be a while before I'm able to finish it.   Between the demands of real life and my own writing I'm only giving it about an hour each night and I'm not a fast reader I'm afraid.
Well that's my two cents.
-JT

Thanks a lot! I'm actually pushing clichés on purpose they help the overall story development later. You're the first to notice though lol

Matthew, I'll do you a swap. You review my 92,300 novel , Free on Smashwords and I'll review yours. 

Well hellos again.
          While I'm only at chapter 32; “Family Tie” of your “Memories of the Future's Past” so far the story is well written for the most part and interesting enough that I want to see what happens next. However I've noticed a couple of problems I believe could be made better. 

          The first problem seems to be in your tendency to make grocery lists of things. Example : “The next morning, Mimi prepared breakfast for us. We ate, said our goodbyes, and headed for the general store. There we received our supplies . . .” At which time you switch from speaking in the first person to something that reads like a shopping list. This really interrupts the immediacy of the flow of words. If you're writing in first person, then such a listing of items should be presented in the same way you'd say them if you were speaking to someone thus; “. . . our supplies which included thick cloaks for the freezing temperatures, enough food for three cycles, insulated boots with snowshoe attachments, thick undergarments, two tents (we had to buy an extra, because Baronias refused to share one) rope for climbing, and three packs to carry all of it.” True it's a run on sentence but still reads more smoothly and stays in a first person narrative. If you really felt the need to present something as a list then it could probably work to have someone hand your character a written list to read.
           The other problem I find somewhat annoying has to do with your plot device of using the phrase “Soul Sync Activated”. I feel this phrasing really pulls your reader out of a magical enchanted reality of legend and myths and makes it sound like he's trapped in a video game. Or perhaps a Japanese Anime as they're famous for using lines like that. If you're writing in a world of legend and magic, it usually also presumes more of an antiquated way of speaking. Words like “Sync” and “Activated” especially if put together in the syntax you're using them are for the most part rather modern and born of a technologically based reality. So unless your Wizard of Oz is sitting at a keyboard hacking into the soul of your leading character using computer code I'd advise you to come up with another phrase for what's going on. Something a bit more befitting of ancient magic. But then that's just my opinion. Otherwise keep up the great work.

          -JT

Lol keep reading jt. Its a lot deeper than you may think. Though this is just the set up book. And the listing is on purpose, its how his mind works. He constantly lists things maybe because I do that myself lol

Hellos again,
              Well I've finally finished reading your story and for the most part it's pretty good. It has a good pace to it and the characters appear to have unique voices so I didn't have any problem knowing who was speaking. They seem to be well rounded for the most part and I believe the reader will care for them once they get to know them. About the only problems I can find is with the over the top style of action, in particular your battle scenes. Your characters appear way too powerful and I just keep getting the impression that I'm watching a Japanese Anime like “Fist of the North Star” or “Dragon Ball Z”. Maybe that's the effect you were actually striving for, but personally I feel it just makes the whole thing seem cartoonish. Especially when Montessori seems to call up his super powers every time he fights or even spars.


           Well this is only my opinion of course and I'll say that over all I rather enjoyed it. Enough that I want to get around to reading some of your other works. Although maybe not for a while. I want to read some of the other people's works on here as well and I'd like to get back to writing my own stories again too.

           So keep up the good work and best of luck with your book.

            -JT

Thanks for and yeah while those anime in particular weren't part of my envision process cartoonish is a perfect way to describe it. While it does have moments of action romance and intense emotions it is truly meant to.be understood and enjoyed by many. The way I wrote it allows for many to enjoy and relate to parts of it personally even if they don't with all of it.