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Can you check out my work?

8 Years Ago


Kindly check my work, I am open for any critiques to improve my writing skills and the story telling. I would be so glad to hear from anyone, thank you!

Re: Can you check out my work?

8 Years Ago


sure I will be happy to check out your work today..Maria

Re: Can you check out my work?

8 Years Ago


For PeterFor PeterA Poem by Anna James

My windows were all day open,
but I know by my own I am not awake.
I am sailing by a dream,
now turning into a nightmare.

I am lost in the middle,
of red tints and deep words.
No eyeing on map, keeping in paddle.
For I am by a boat with no swords.

Do you know I'm fighting?
Do you know I am waiting?
Did you ever know I am sailing?
Maybe you'll know, I am wishing.

Someday I'll get into you,
When the waves tossed by.
And the water lead me to your ship,
I wish the tears run dry.

Re: Can you check out my work?

8 Years Ago


Anna James  I like your poem very much but I got very confused in between the lines...so with group participation we need to make some changes..For example,The first 2 lines in the first stanza.

         My windows were all day open,
           but I know by my own I am not awake.             
     

Re: Can you check out my work?

8 Years Ago


My windows were open
as I lay here
sailing through a dream
feeling lost in the middle
of a nightmare
my body starts to shiver and scream. ...what do you think? I took your words and made some changes something in which you can build upon and I added some rhyme