Story Craft Forum Analysis: The Borges Kings, In..

Let us use this first project as an example of following the story craft process. It is relatively short which works for this first exercise. I will start it off as an example analysis and general template.

This is not a hard fast process. The purpose is to get you, the writer, to first be creative and second be your first critic. Once you do this enough, you will figure out how to do this so that works right for you. But, the basic process should remain in place.

Each one of the categories deserves a read through of the project. Yeah, that�s a lot of reading for one project. Remember, your goal here is to improve as a writer, understanding your project, and perfecting the original concept into something that captures the reader�s attention and imagination.

Concept
Character
Flow
Review
Analysis

Concept:
What is the overall idea behind the project?

Character:
What is the character like? Does the character seem real? Is the character relatable? Does the project give the reader enough information about the character to allow them to see the character?

Flow:
Does the �flow� of the story take the reader on a sensible ride?

Review:
Look at the project overall: concept, character, flow. Does it work? Does it make literary sense? Does it communicate to you? Does the language usage make sense? Is the project in the present tense, past tense, future? Does it bounce back in forth in tense or mood?

Analysis:
Now, take another look at the project. This time look at language usage, spelling, punctuation, commas, sentences (to run on or not to run on), scenery creation, visuals (too much, not enough),� It was suggested by Tigerlobo to read the project backwards, just studying the sentences. What you are looking for can keep going on. The objective is not to list everything, but to get you, the writer, into the habit of analysis.

Note: Copy + paste can be a beautiful thing. It will allow you to easily take examples out to support your written analysis.

Note: Open the project in its own window. This way you can alt + tab between the two.

Analysis of �The Borg�s Kings� by Doc Rogers:

Concept
Character
Flow
Review
Analysis

Concept:
Fantasy hero
Medieval setting
World seems to be at war with the reference to �hasty barracks� and �mercenaries.�
Troubled by a persistent dream. It seems to drive the main character.
Trained fighter, no reference to previous history, hinted at by observations of travelers in the inn.
Quest seems to be indicated by the dream. He responds by fighting or is the hunter in the dream.
Merric, a seasoned traveler, a seasoned warrior that thinks of multiple escape routes or multiple possibilities. Indicates he has been in sticky situations before.
Understands tracking and losing a trail.
He is hunted or followed.

Merric, the fantasy hero, lives in a world that is medieval in technological development and has magic, as evidenced by the knife he carries and the people in his dreams. The world in which he lives seems to be in some chaos. There are poor travelers and mercenaries on the move. This would seem to indicate war, difficult situations politically, or some other kind of dire straight that would cause refugees and soldiers for hire to be on the move.

Merric seems to be drawn along by the events of his dream and some unmentioned quest or search. It is implied that he is followed or hunted. It is stated he does not want or need additional people on his trail. Merric is either a soldier himself, an ex-soldier-turned-adventurer, or trained warrior-huntsman. Merric is paranoid or just extremely cautious, referring to his automatic response of grabbing his weapons and the arrangement with the stable boy. He over pays to keep people quiet or calm. He is therefore not poor.

The ending leads one to look for the reasons why he is doing what he is doing. The dream sequence hints at something larger at play. What is at play is not stated. Merric is on the move toward something, somewhere, or someone. There is a hint of desperation, as if time is a high or highest priority.

Character:
Merric is a loner by choice, by necessity, by circumstance, by some reason not stated. He is skilled at what he is doing. He is not infallible. He is not undefeatable. He realizes his own mortality. Something drives him. It is not stated. He seems driven by this quest. It is somewhat hinted that this might be a self-induced quest. He does not say anything specific to that.

Merric is skilled with weapons. The fighting knife, the axe, the way he measures the main room all indicate he has experience at what he is doing. He has special skills in that he is observant enough to tell who is really sleeping and who is not. His culture sings songs of death. This indicates they fight often and do not expect to live or if death comes it comes.

Merric has access to money as evidenced by his having a room while others sleep on pallets in the main room of the inn.

Merric is a troubled soul. He has a dream that does not leave him. It robs him of his sleep, as evidenced by being startled awake and falling asleep again at the table. He is probably very tired, definitely on edge.

Merric is a planner; out of necessity, habit, experience, or training is not said, only implied.

Visually, Merric is thin, possibly tallish, and ice-blue eyes.

Flow:
We meet Merric awaking from sleep ready for a fight. Tension builds immediately. There is magic at play, implied, or there is unconscious habit borne out of long practice or use. His knife is in his hand immediately. He scans the room for enemies. It appears he is hunted or expects there to be someone there trying to kill him.

No. It seems it was a dream.

He now begins the process of waking up and joining the day. Staring at his knife seems to indicate a bit of foggy sleep still persists. Then he begins to think about other things, like food and drink.

Becoming aware of his greater surroundings, he hears the noises from below. He gets ready to move. He takes all of his stuff, checks twice. He measures the main room and who is in it.

Segue. We begin to realize Merric is dreaming. He is on the hunt. He finds his prey. Tension. �There are too many.� Descriptions of a fight that takes mere moments but detailed events show a mind that is very observant of his surroundings.

Magic and amazingly powerful beings.

Just as the tension of the dream mounts to a hopeless situation, Merric is awakened by his here-and-now. More tension exo-dream is created by Merric becoming the center of attention, unwanted attention. The wheels begin to spin inside his head about the difficulties of his current situation.
Merric planned ahead. He takes care of the stable boy, mounts his horse, looks for possible exits, then finds one that does not look like an obvious choice. He spends time covering his trail.

Review:
The concept is workable, but needs more explanation to really draw the reader into Merric�s world. Merric is the troubled hero that finds himself in events larger than himself. He is fallible.

This short throws the reader immediately into Merric�s world without preamble. It creates a sense of disorientation that flows with the startled wake from sleep. The reader finds out more about Merric�s world from a people stand point rather than a political or geologic stand point. His world is in flux.

The reader is carried from startled sleep to a world of danger and dangerous people to a dream with the very powerful and magical back to Merric�s reality around him. The reader is lead off into Merric�s quest or search with Merric. The question of what is going on hangs in the air at the end of this short. What happened before? What is he running from? What / who is he running to? Where is he going? And, why?

Analysis:
�ghods� � misspelling or adoptive word, a word used within Merric�s world.

Para 4, line 2: �Perhaps the he had some� should be �hosteller� or remove �the�

Para 6, line 2: �edge; the valley blurring with distance� � should be two sentences. End with �edge.� And change to �The valley blurred with distance.�

Para 6, line 3: �The air was chill. The wind had proven itself too strong for Merric to easily hold his cloak closed.� � Change sentences. �The chill air had proven itself too strong for Merric to hold his cloak closed.�

Para 6, lines 3, 4: �He stood with the wind to his back letting the wind hold it in place.� � Change to �He turned to allow the wind to hold it in place.�

Para 7, line 2: �His long, fighting knife� � change to �his long fighting knife�

Para 7, line 4: �that still managed to� � End sentence at �metal.� Start new sentence with �His armor still managed to.�

Para 7, line 4: �His ice blue eyes� � hyphenate �ice-blue�

Para 8, line 1: �The air was clean and crisp, nearly too cold. It burned his nostrils as he inhaled.� � Rework sentences �The air was clean and crisp. It was nearly too cold and burned his nostrils as he inhaled.�

Para 8, line 3/4: �Gradually picking up speed as the blood lust began to take hold.� � Rework sentence. �He gradually began to pick up speed. He could feel the blood-lust begin to take hold.�

Para 8, line 5: �A corner of his mouth turned turned up in a wry smile.� � Double verb. Rework to �A corner of his mouth turned upward in a wry smile.�

Para 10, line 4: �The jar of the impact nearly made Merric drop his knife.� � Rework sentence to �The impact of knife and sword nearly made Merric drop his weapon.�

Para 10, line 5: �Merric went past her to� � Try �Merric swept past her to�� This will imply motion rather than leaving her behind.

Para 10, line 7: �Merric nearly stopped in his tracks.� � Rework sentence to �The man�s gaze nearly stopped Merric in his tracks.� It is more definite than the other way.

Para 10, line 8: �The man moved in a flash.� � Rework sentence to �The man moved with a speed Merric thought not possible.�

Para 10, line 9: �The great sword came� � Rework sentence to �In a flash, the great sword came��

Para 10, line 10: �In a blur of motion, Merric found himself in the path of� � Rework sentence to �A blur of motion found Merric in the path of��

Para 10, line 11/12: �Using the momentum of his lunge, Merric turned into a ball, rolling under the sword and next to the large man.� � Rework to �Merric used the momentum of his lunge and curled into a ball. Rolling under the sweep of the sword, Merric lay curled next to the large man.�

Para 11, line 2/3: �He saw something flash and using the wind, he threw up his cloak to help diffuse whatever was coming his way.� � Rework sentence to �He saw something flash. Using the wind, he threw up his cloak to diffuse whatever was coming his way.�

Para 11, line 9: �most. The hammer� � Insert a detail focus, like �most. Something was spoken. The hammer��

Para 11, line 11: �The impact of the blow struck Merric to his shoulder, causing him to fall off balanced. He fell at the feet of a man wearing the bluest silver armor he had ever seen.� � Rework to a �The impact of the blow struck Merric to his shoulder. He fell off balanced. He looked up from the feet of a man wearing the bluest silver armor.�

Para 12, line 4: �the falleen man� � Change to �fallen.�

Para 12, line 4: �blackest fully plated armor Merric had ever seen.� � Change to �blackest fully plated armor.�
Para 12, line 6: �The thrid was� � Change to �third.� Spell checker would have caught that one.

Para 15, line 6: �could He strained� � Insert a period between �could� and �He.�

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Please add your own review of The Borges Kings to this thread. Or, put your commentary below regarding my analysis.

The next project I will work up is Better Be Good. It is a bit longer, but the process is the same.

I will leave The Borges Kings up for a while, until everyone has had the chance to review the story and the analysis / make an analysis. Then, it is on to the next project.

The third and final round will be with Sister Lizzy, a much longer story. We will follow the same process.

After that, the projects that are submitted to this group will recieve the same tender loving care my projects did. If you want a project analyzed, submit it to the group. If you do not, then do not. If you have submitted something to the group and no longer desire the analysis, send me a message so I can remove it from consideration.
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This was a fun and fruitful exercice for me. I have found quite a few things I want to change. I will not make any changes until after all analyses are in. And when it is your turn, you should wait as well.

Enjoy!