Message in a Bottle Forum Goodbye forever......

I don't know if this counts or not but i'm not really sad that shes gone 1/2 of me is but then the other 1/2 is like i really don't care anymore it kills me to say that but we got in a huge fight i don't even know what it was over but lately anything that frustrates me or saddens me results in my thoughts of suicide or something like that..... all because shes gone shes the one that hurts me the most i told her that and she replied in "Good now i'm never gonna let you hurt me again" I stared at the text i was hoping for a different reply but she never said anything else all i could think was that's not her 

i'm shaking while writing this should i post this? Its not big of a deal to you guys maybe but it is to me....

the conversation went a little like this:

No i hate how you compare me to other people and tell me that im turning into a hoe and that im trash i don't hate all of you guys just you because im starting to think you are just looking for all the bad things i do and then you yell at me like your my f*****g parent and say how im changing and i think youve replaced me with Margaret because you always say well Margaret would'nt have done that or Margarets protecting me from Jade and if Margaret replaced me then you don't need me as a friend because all you're doing is trying to set me up to fail in my new school and not meet new people just so i can be just like Margaret even though you don't understand that I might change a little abd then you tell me who i shouldn't hang out with even though you never met my new friends and if you were my real friend you would be okay with the fact i moved and im just trying to move on

(Her name here I'm not putting her name in itd just be disrespectful if i did) how many times do i have to  say I'm not replacing you i could never do that! Never! you're irreplaceable but it feels like you're replacing me and it kills..... I never told you this but you're the only one who can hurt me the most in this world

Well thats good to know cuz im never going to let you hurt me again I have to go to baseball

So this is goodbye forever?! Alright then let me say my goodbye before you shut me out completely:

I'm sorry for everything I've done wrong I promised never to hurt you or let you get hurt but i failed at that Ill always miss you, need you, and love you but you hate me now I can never replace you, get mad at you, or anything like that. Your memory will always be engraved into my mind sense you've made me who i am today you saved my life and you'll always be the person who hurts me the most and i dont know why but you just will. It kills me to tell you goodbye but it looks like you want to end this once and for all. You've replaced me and i'm just gonna have to accept that and the fact that you're gone forever. I'm sorry. I miss you, need you, and love you forever and always. Goodbye forever (Her name here) I'll always remember you and thankyou for all the memorys that i have to tell. I'll never talk bad about you I promise and I can never move on

after that i got no reply I tried texting her today and i guess she blocked my #. So then i called her cell phone but she didn't pick up.... So i called her house phone but shes at a baseball game. I'm gonna call her tomorrow I want her back! but i think this friendship has too many cracks and tears that she might not wanna be friends anymore...... and honestly that might drive me to kill myself.... I'm already cutting but its not working anymore...... suicide is never the answer but i can't stand to live without her and i couldn't live with myself if i watched her leave....

I never called you those names and if i did i'm sorry i never compared you too and if i did i'm sorry i'm just frustrated that you left your realself here..... and never took me with you......

its never easy saying goodbye

especially if you know its never coming back

and now after writing this

it brings back painful memories

yes i'm crying

but its made me realize

I want her back more than anything now..... Even the other half that says no....

But thats probably never gonna happen......

Why did i ruin it??? Like always......

I love her..... </3