Lonely Writers Blog Group Forum Super Market Horror-thoughts

Okay I'm thinking that maybe if i didnt describe Loki, and left Mitchell as the Lead, and made loki kind of "invisible" to the reader, it might fix some of the issues im having with this piece. Then i was thinking maybe just taking out the beginning part where Loki is scoping out his victim, or rewriting it. then go into where he goes after Mitchell. Or moving Mitchell's part in the second paragraph, and making Loki's part in the beginning paragraph second, cloaking his identity. that might fix the problems with this piece, then again it might just create more. Not sure. I'll have to copy and paste a version in another window and play with both ideas a bit and see what i can come up with. That's the only way i can fix it, and in turn i might be able to fix the problems with Mitchell's parts all together with this. its a start.