Lonely Writers Blog Group Forum Help!!! Someone please explain..

All of my life I've never understood this...someone please explain to me why a person puts time and effort into pretending to be your friend, when they really don't care. Why would you put effort and time into something you are completely insincere about? Why pretend? I know alot of times people do it to use another person for whatever it is they're after...but whatever the possible reasons, I just don't get it! Someone please help me understand this.

See, if I don't like someone, or care about them, I ignore them or am distant yet polite.

But Im certainly not going t o pretend or fake emotions I dont genuinely have. Or expend energy into a friendship that i have no intention of keeping forever.

Am I naive, weird, stupid...or what?

See, animals, I understand. They're so honest with their emotions. People?

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow. My thoughts, exactly. Me, being friendless, I have no friends for those reasons. Animals are so much better than humans - they dont talk bad about you, they listen (sometimes). They are true friends.

I wish I knew why.  I guess some people get a kick out of it...but it really hurts.  I had given up on friends four years ago because, like you said Chrissy, they only wanted something out of me.

 

I get along better with animals cause they don't talk about themselves all the time and actually like me.  ;)

Oh, I do understand this! There are so many people out there who are shallow enough to use someone - to feign a good friendship for their own gain.

 

You are so right - animals are a lot nicer. My dog listens to me rant and rave or mope and moan and she doesn't make a sound - though she does give me funny looks quite often....

Maybe I'm guilty on this one... I'll try to explain. I'm stuck with a lot of people -- for example, I'm stuck with my roommate. Can't change roommates, and don't really care to anyway. But the guy is one giant, glowing orb of negativity. There are other words I could use that rhyme with witch, but whatever. So here I am, stuck in close proximity to someone I could really care less about... what else are you going to do, but be nice while they're around? I mean, I suppose I could try making his life living hell, but that seems counter-productive. I tried ignoring him for awhile, but that doesn't really help either. So I put up a front, pretend to care about his bad ideas, et cetera.

 

What I'm driving at (poorly) is that it's easy to like the people you like, and harder to like the people you don't like. But sometimes you have to do both. I don't know the specifics about your situation, cmv, but I'd hesitate to pass judgement too early... it's entirely possible that the person has/had the best of intentions.

I also have no friends for this reason.  The few that I have trusted over the years have used me, abued that trust and even screwed my husband, though he is as much to blame for that one!  So I really don't trust anyone anymore.  Animals at least are honest, if they don't like you, then they let you know.  Personally, apart from the internet and family, I am not much of a people person.  I go to the pub and I am quite happy to sit alone in a corner and watch the world go by.  I'm not socially active and see no point in talking to someone I don't like,  so I just don't.  No, actually that isn't 100% true.  I don't like my sister's friend, but I am civial to her if I see her, and the same with my niece's bF, who is a selfish Di**, but I am civial becaue she loves him and won't see any fault in him at the moment.  I don't like the in-laws, but I will speak to them if I see them, just for the children's sake really, it is still their family after all. 

 

But I just don't have an answer for you Chrissy hun, because it is the question that I have been asking for years, and never recieved an answer myself.  If you ever find out, perhaps you could share with the rest of us.  XX

First off, thank you so much guys! It's so nice to know I'm not alone in feeling this confusion about people!

Todd, I understand with what you meant--I work with people I dislike, but Im still friendly with them because it's not my nature to make people miserable or be cruel.

But, Im not talking about being forced into a situation where you are put with people you HAVE to deal with, such as roomates, co-workers, school mates....Im talking about someone pursuing another person for friendship...no forced into it to make situations easier...If someone seeks you out and makes this grand effort to be your friend.....pretends for months or more and then you find out later they were just using you or trying to damage you in someway the entire time they were earning your trust---that is what I dont understand. How a person can be so pointedly cruel or deceptive is to me, completely disgusting. Especially when the 'victim' really believes they are gaining a true friend, and lets them into their heart, when that is normally a very hard thing for that person to do!

Ok, sorry for my ranting! Thanks you guys who replied.....luv ya!

I understand where you're coming from.  I actually have trouble making friends because of that.  I always think there is some sort of angle or that they are going to backstab me later on.