Fanfiction Authors Anonymous (ffaa) : Forum : Need Help with my beginning


Need Help with my beginning

17 Years Ago


Hey, I wrote a fanfic about Vampire Hunter D and I'm getting a lot of feedback that says the beginning drags and is hard to get through. I was wondering if anyone who knows about Vampire Hunter D could help me with my beginning. You guys know the history so you know what you want to read in a VHD fanfic. My story's posted on this group, so skim the first 2 paragraphs if you want. Here's what I'm thinking of changing the beginning to:

A red sun rose over the far horizon while night flowers shriveled up and died. Echoing wind cast billowing sands in angry currents unseen across the endless, barren trek that was the wild Frontier. And somewhere smack in the middle of this no-mans-land was a settler town, a one-road horseman�s last chance for water before barring the treacherous desert. Down the main street of the sprawling town, mounted on a black cyborg horse, rode a tall young man.

Based on this beginning alone, would you or would you not keep reading?

[no subject]

17 Years Ago


Quote:
Originally posted by Nicole Hellene
Hey, I wrote a fanfic about Vampire Hunter D and I'm getting a lot of feedback that says the beginning drags and is hard to get through. I was wondering if anyone who knows about Vampire Hunter D could help me with my beginning. You guys know the history so you know what you want to read in a VHD fanfic. My story's posted on this group, so skim the first 2 paragraphs if you want. Here's what I'm thinking of changing the beginning to:

A red sun rose over the far horizon while night flowers shriveled up and died. Echoing wind cast billowing sands in angry currents unseen across the endless, barren trek that was the wild Frontier. And somewhere smack in the middle of this no-mans-land was a settler town, a one-road horseman�s last chance for water before barring the treacherous desert. Down the main street of the sprawling town, mounted on a black cyborg horse, rode a tall young man.

Based on this beginning alone, would you or would you not keep reading?



You know I thought that the beginning was brilliant. In fact, I have no suggestions, because I thought the way you set it up was great. Um.. let me think on this a bit and I shall return to help you. I honestly am at a loss, and its 6 am... ::tongue::