Ex-lit Forum disjunction

So I'm trying to find myself amidst the rubble. The battlefield I have turned my life into is littered with the wrecks of a couple of dreams, not-inconsiderable effort has Somme'd out my sense of self. Late last year when I relocated to my old stomping grounds, I was not at all sure that I would be able to function here. My hunt for gainful and perhaps meaningful employment in this city continues. An entire month of pumping out resumes and making phonecalls, and not a single interview or prospective employer. It's about as unimpressive as soggy Cap'n Crunch.

I'm multi-talented. I don't say that like it makes me special, but it could come in handy- if I let myself synthesize these talents into something profitable. I've always kept writing off the table, so to speak. I don't feel comfortable charging for my wordplay. Today, someone made a good point in that they believe I have value as a writer and that if I should ever consider selling sentences, they'd buy.
Maybe this is just me blowing off steam or indulging in some soul-cleansing logorrhea, which is why I didn't post it globally. I figure you're a trustworthy lot and we go back a ways, so I'm comfortable talking about less than trivial things, in scarred prose.

I became a welder for more reasons than I let on, the odd time anybody gets curious regarding my motives. Originally, it was because I had an interest in metal sculpture and wanted to explore the creative avenue a predominantly construction related tradeskill could provide. There is the possibility of expanding my skillset by taking a two year Welding Engineering Technology course, either here in New Brunswick or in Alberta - but even that doesn't guarantee me work.

At 27, I'm already sick of the wage slave life. I really just want to become a freedom farmer, live off the grid as much as possible and simply provide for myself in a sustainable and simple manner.

Gah.. I have more to say but it grows late and I don't want to lose focus. Consider this the first installment.

"I really just want to become a freedom farmer, live off the grid as much as possible and simply provide for myself in a sustainable and simple manner."

...can't you do this? I don't really know what it would involve - but if you could create the world you want to live in, then why put up with second best? Plus... you could always write too.

 

At 46 I have yet to 'settle down' - but managed to raise my little family regardless of this fact. A life lived according to the options we are presented with - means we don't know what option we would have come up with if we hadn't had to settle for those options.

 

Sorry I ramble. I am often frustrated that we seem to have such a limited range of lifesyle choices - limited by regulation, expectation, manilpulation, location and education - clearly all words ending 'tion' should be banished!!!

 

I would go on - but not only would that possibly be too much... but my granddaughter just got here and announced she can write her name and it doesn't get much better than that xxx

 

I think I moved so much so that I didn't get caught in anything - my feet just skimmed the surface of each new land/job/community. Actually, thinking about it now... Lit is probably one of the biggest commitments to a community I have made. Anyway, along the way... I had brilliant jobs (reporter, Asst. Editor on a magazine, nightclub manager [toooo much fun for a few years!!] corporate communications, radio DJ/news reader and too many more to remember) and each time I moved on my family would think I was crazy. Maybe there is some truth there, but I wanted to do everything till I found what fit.

 

Last year I landed a job that would see me through life, good salary, great team and I got to write every day and be paid well for it. Just one glitch, I had to be there from 8-5 with 1/2 hour for lunch and I had to be creative to order (actually I quite liked that bit). The 'order' was the problem and the flourescent cubicle - I was wilting. Then I encountered a job ad about running an outdoor centre with camping, bunkhouses and a small hotel in the Yorkshire Dales National Park - 1/2 my salary, an odd/challenging boss and summer months that will call for long physical hours. I ran to it for the 150 trees, the quiet winter months, the carnival of people that would pass through and the sheer joy of escaping flourescent cubicles and predictability.

 

I found a little Nirvana - I suppose I am telling you this because I want to present a case-study that although far from perfect, has worked out OK. My little family never starved, my daughter is well brought-up, kind, multi-lingual and fascinating. Along the way we have had some incredible road-trips across Europe to new places that made us tingle with excitement and anticipation - and glued us together in mutual experience and support.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gah ... I am just not able to write right now. It sucks, because I want to.
Don't usually feel this broken. Damn winter is chillin' me out too much.

... *bangs head on desk*

Still got nothin'. Sorry to disappoint.

I forgive you, Rogan . . .

. . . through my tears.

...the joy is in the anticipation x

Become that freedom farmer- don't settle for anything less- Tina's got it right- while I'm an example of what not to do. I went for the easy path- money- and all it has led me to was unpaid bills and unemployment. I squandered my talent- was an exceptional actor and singer as well as a decent aspiring academic. These are the things that I loved but they required sacrifice and total commitment which I was foolishly unwilling to give. I can blame it on many things but basically I was a coward -afraid that maybe I wasn't as good as everybody said I was- or that I really was just average- so I went for the money safe in thinking that I could have made it if I wanted to-a load of bullshit- so become that freedom farmer and don't settle for anything less...

 

 

my warmest

bob

 

I agree . . . with everyone?  How conciliatory am I?

:)

In my own life, I've found that indifference to success is the key.  As soon as I start caring about succeeding, triumphing, winning, all that s**t, I become stagnant.  But when I'm able to do what I wish with pure indifference regarding success and failure, that's when I do my best work, whatever I may be working on at the time. 

But, as Bob indicated, perseverance makes a big difference, too.  In my own professional world (academia), most insightful people will tell you that the people who survive and succeed aren't any smarter than those who didn't (and the failure and dropout rates at the master's and PhD levels are astonishingly high), they're just stubborn.

Farm away, if you really want it!

There is nothing worse than couldna - shouda-wouldna!

At my stage of life, I contstantly tell young people to go for moon...it's ok if you fall on your face...just pick yourself up and reach for the stars...they have the rest of their lives to make it right!!! 

As for myself...looking back (as I said on my CHILDHOOOD VIGNETTES) I should have hired a nanny to care for my children once in awhile, while I accepted offers that came to me that included traveling,  But I feel that if my talent was that great, they wouldn't have taken no for an answer!   But you know what... I stilll have no real regrets! 

Now...I still sing in choral groups and my church choir...and write poetry that I know will never be published, although I AM polishing up my memoir for possbile publication.

Who knows...I might be the new Georgia O'Keefe of poetry!  She achieved it with her brushes at 80...I can try with my pen!!

The moral of this story folks is...never give up...never give in...if you don't believe in yourself...nobody else will!!!!

 

Bea

         

Recently I've had a major change in my life- Unemployment- I had to leave my job(a onetime 6 figure one) in order to cash in my 40iK in order to pay massive debts due to the downturn of my commissions-(40% drop-off in past two years -the loss of my wife's job and all that other bullshit  that living requires. And you know what- I'm damn happy - Hated sales, hated the job and hated chasing the buck. We're doing a major downsize - and will need much less to live on- Have unemployment from state which will hold me for a while and some contract work. I finally have time to do what I want- I can do any crap job for the bills and write to my hearts content without worrying about quotas and working 80 hrs a week.

I've been doing alot of rewriting-which is great- putting all my stuff on here - and some new when the muse hits. I'm finally living the dream an unemployed writer-it's kind of liberating being a bum:)

my warmest
bob

Hi Bob,

Hope it doesn't read wrong - but I am so delighted for you. It is never right to spend our days in places that make us less than happy. There are always alternatives and downsizing is indeed liberating. I have no doubt that you will find success at what you choose next, you are a wise one.

Society seems to be changing rapidly, as all the facades of big  business, banking and governments crumble. New ways of living and making one, will (have to) come into being as we begin to cope with all that is happening - people are more resolute than they are given credit for.

The business I am in (outdoor holidays in UK, including camping) is experiencing a surge as many decide against European holidays (the £ hasn't any strength against the Euro anyway) and are re-discovering the simpler pleasures. It is wonderful to watch people who imagined that cutting back on expenditure would mean less satisfying pursuits, discover the opposite.

Sometimes too, it takes a fall to get the bounce xxx

 

 

Hi Bob...You sounded just like my husband...he was in sales all his life (as was I for 15 yrs before I retired.  The difference was I LOVED IT! I even do occasional "cold calling" from home when I get the call.

It wasn't that he hated selling per se...but hated all the paper work and conforming to rules that drove him mad.  We finally figured out that he was at his best working for  himself! We bought into a trade magazine that was targeted strictly for the medical profession...Medical Financial Advisor...they were the right demographic for investment.  We also had a credit reporting agency and a few other things that he dappled in.  But in the 80's wall street disaster, we had to close the magazine, and most of the others.  Shortly after that he became ill with cancer and died two years later.

The reason I tell you this Bob...is that working for himself was the making of him...he was so happy...even tho we didn't have corporate backing to fall back on.  You will always be able to find work...even if working from home part time.  Once you've worked dealing with the public one on one...you can tailor that experience to any business even if it isn't sales.

Once you publish your book...those talents will stand you in good stead...you will really b e working and selling for yourself!

Unfortunetly, we live in one of the most expensive areas around, NY and NJ.  Have you considered moving elsewhere...most of my friends have moved south and they have almost the same lifestyle at half the price!

Good luck to you my friend...my money is on you!!!

Bea