Bad A*s Poets Talking S**t Forum VENT

i hate that my mom doesn't want me to go to LA.
i hate my youth.
i hate that the one thing i've been looking forward to in along time, is now gone.
i hate that i feel like my muse is dead
but what i really hate
is that the place where i thought i could go to find a new one....
is now so far from my grasp.

I hate today. I hate my boss. I hate my husband for the moment.

I hate that I have had no voice for the last 3 days and can't afford to friggin take off work to go to the dr, let alone the meds, on top of the hysto meds i haven't even had time to refil - that if i don't take make me psycho.

I hate that i came in to work at 8 today, against my better judgement b/c i'm so sick, but didn't want to lose my overtime, and the second i step in the door Jlo and Mark or pissing and moaning at me then my boss calls and pisses and moans and i literally am yelling and screaming and crying in the phone taking blame for s**t i shouldn't just bc i'm a f*****g nice person, only to have one of my shop guys come in 5 min's later and get into a shouting match with me. all btw was before 8:30am.

i hate that i had a seriously fucked up bad a*s nightmare last night and realized that sometime in the wee hours my daughter got in bed with me and that's why i was sleeping funny, and at 6:20am i needed a husband hug - he comes in and wreaks of jack n coke and tries to kiss my a*s and informs me he's going in "late" and i should do the same, only to find out he was out all night with his f**k of a cousin mike who w***e chased white trash at the legion last night - keepin in mind he's married and has a 1 yr old baby, and then my husband says, Oh i'm getting paid, don't worry...yah right.

I hate that i just went home for lunch and he's on the couch. f****r. f****r. yeah f*****g s**t he's getting paid.

he goes "what r u here for" - i wanted to say, "well one of us has to support YOUR f*****g kids...but didn't

i hate that i had to come in here and type like a mad woman to get it off my chest or i'd explode b/c i'm not allowed to vent on my MIL, mom, cousin or bff's anymore b/c i almost left his a*s last week when we fought about s**t.

but....23 more days until i get to see the awesomeness of people who get what i just spent the last 10 min's typing.

I had something to vent about..but I forget... cause my mother was laughing about something.. well my parents...and I wanted to know what was that funny that had them laughing that hard, but my dad didn't want to tell me, even though it was his story...


Anyway my mom told me later that when I was about two I got on my dad's back a lot and I would say, "Horsey ride"...so one day he said he said "This horsey needs a little break". So I thought a moment and I slapped him on the a*s and said "Horses don't talk."

LOL...well at least I think it's funny...and I so forgot what I was going to say.

Stand back everyone...at long last...my time to RANT!!

I hate Aetna. I went to the eye doctor a month ago. A week ago, I received a bill because they wouldn't cover the rest of my check-up visit. Basically, they explained it like this: I'm cover to go once every two years. The time between this visit and the last visit was 1 year, 11 months, and 29 days. Therefore, not 2 years. Therefore, they will not cover. 2 GODDAMN DAYS! So I filed what they call a "One-Time Only" claim and it's been rejected. I'm going to call them tomorrow and ARGUE.

I hate it when people call for donations to local charities when I'm trying to sleep.

I hate that in work, I've been saddled with learning something that, in a week's time, I won't need to know anymore anyway.

I hate that last night, when I had the perfect opportunity to get a full night's rest, I couldn't fall asleep.

I hate that bills keep piling up. I'm paying them, mind you, but it leaves little money for myself.

I hate that the more I try to keep my credit cards down, the higher they get.

I also hate that I can't seem to get up off my lazy butt and find a proper publisher for my book.

AND NOW, A FEW RANTS ABOUT THE WC (coming this fall on Fox!):

I know I shouldn't hate this or even care about it, but I hate that I haven't had a featured story or poem on this site in nearly six months. Whereas I see some people getting multiple stories or poems featured or being featured themselves at least twice. I know Charlie once said that interesting people and interesting pieces are the ones that get picked. I guess none of my s**t's interesting (sorry, getting too self-deprecating, I'll scale it back...)

And what's up with Charlie featuring himself on the site? Don't get me wrong. The guys seems rather nice and he is a good writer, but shouldn't there be a rule that site creators/moderators can't pick themselves to be featured? (If this rant gets me kicked off the site, nice knowing you all).

And you know what else I'm getting tired of? I've noticed that I have way more than several people on my friends list whose stuff I read all the time and those people (none of whom I think are in this here group) haven't read a single thing of mine. One of them even questioned the authenticity of the review I left once. Maybe I need to start being more selective of what I read.

Okay, I think that's it. I'm calm now. Time for some Pretzel Goldfish and Aqua Fina.

Chris - I have to tell you that I've noticed how great you are at reviewing work on this site. It is awful that people don't reciprocate. If I were you, I'd scale back. This is supposed to be an enjoyable, helpful experience. If it's getting to you, then get rid of the problem areas.

I also wondered at Charlie being featured, so you're not alone in that question, either. As to the criteria for who gets featured, I really can't say. I've seen some AWFUL work featured, so I've questioned the quality. I've also seen someone be featured as writer one day, story the next and poem the following. Two days later, they show up as featured again. I don't get it. I truly don't.

But, then again, I really don't put that much stock in it because the selection seems so random. If it were based on number of stellar reviews or popular hits or something, then it'd carry more value.

I guess what I'm saying is, "Rant on, brother. You're not alone!"

I hate that my f*****g secretary is on the phone all god damn day with personal calls and since she got married two weeks ago, she thinks she's the high priestess of married life. I hate that instead of doing her job and answering the phone she's talking about gossip. I hate that she's lived in this f*****g town her whole life but transfers me calls for directions to our shop. I hate that she's an OSU fan too and that I stayed up till 1am decorating her f*****g buckeye hillbilly a*s reception with her gossiping white trash mama and she didn't even bother to say thank you.

I hate that I get too caught up in things that I know will not materialize. I hate that I'm in a rut. I hate that the most action I get is online. I hate that I have anything to put in this vent thread, let alone three posts. I hate that I let my 14 year old cousin make me feel inferior. I hate that Thanksgiving will always remind me of my mom and make me resent those who have them. I hate that I'm moving again and that it's to Baton Rouge. I hate that my only choice was to move. I hate that my grandmother said I had wrinkles, the kind that never go away (I don't!). I hate that I let that send me into another downward self-esteem spiral. I hate that when I'm working my a*s off everyone else is sitting on there's. I hate that I am forever the person to depend on, I just want to have a day where people can make it without something from me. Most of all, right now, I hate that I am caught up in something that I can't control. I hate that it's ruling my life and that it doesn't matter to anyone but me.

I hate again my secretary who doesn't do jack s**t. she just forwarded me a f*****g email addressed to her to print off two insurance forms. why the f**k couldn't she print them off and have our owner sign them? why did i have to do it? from 8am-9am this morning, she took 4 personal calls regarding christmas dinner with her family. this after our other owner sent an email out about limiting personal calls and cell phone and internet use - as a prompt to get her to knock the s**t off. idiots. it's getting old.

I posted this here...in true bapts fashion...wasn't quite appropriate for the general public.

f*****g transparent
like goddamn scotch tape
yeah, turn that t.v. on low
go masterbate
the cold wooden floor
beneath my feet
i creep into the bathroom
white as a sheet
curdles rise
take bubbling form
so much for the mood
i had hours before
now as i stare
in the porcelain pit
all too familiar
the sound of vomit

how the f**k can i climb up a rung
when i can barely manage to f*****g hang on
moments in darkness
shaken, distraught
angered, frustrated
endless thought
you're a f*****g liar
that's what i wish i could say
but for what
another miserable day?

sure as hell can't sleep
since you stumbled in
spent it all huh?
didn't win?
f*****g great
here we go again
round and round
with the silent treatment

f**k it all
why do i f*****g try
remember what i said
two days ago
when i stood there and cried

cause you sure as hell
put up a damn good show
made me believe
only up could we go

but no matter how many
steps i start to take
you f*****g snap the rung
and my f*****g heart breaks

Oh Tina... f**k.