Bad A*s Poets Talking S**t Forum Bad A*s

This is going to be our Bad A*s story. I'll start a paragraph then the next person adds their own paragraph to the story and so on.

The cackling of laughter echoes through the thick air as other people in camp drink their lives away. Feeling restless, I get up from my bedroll to pace along the edge of the creek. To get where we are today has taken a toll on my mind. This journey seems to be never ending. Finally I sit on a log to stare into the dying fire while shivering as the chills of the fog cut through my bones. What will happen next? Where will we end up next? These questions swirl in my mind keeping me from thinking of anything else. If only I had the answers.

I like to think I had all the answers, but nothing came to mind. The vodka stirred in my stomach as the dense fog swirrled around my aching head, and the ashes faded into the fog. I felt the mossy rocks beneath my feet. I wanted to scream but I couldn't move. I saw him standing there. The man walked toward me through the fog. My shivering stopped, and fear set in.

It was to dark to see. I tried to get a good look at him before he came any close but I was to afraid. I turned and run as fast as I could. Cutting through the trees and sharp branches as I ran through the forest. I looked back making sure I was far away from him. Only he was running after me. Who is this man? What does he want with me? He was running much faster than I was, I knew he would catch me. Just then I felt his fingertips brush the back of my sweater, just enough to make me fall forward. He fell behind me landing on a huge rock. He lay there still bleeding from his head. All I could do was get up and run.

It was in that moment that my cranal instincts took over. I no longer was in control of my own actions, I was a puppet, and nature was holding the strings. His body reminded me of an ancient episode of C.S.I. Miami. I could see the blood begining to pool by the left side of his reseding hairline. Mud covered half of his face but as I reached for the branch beside him, I realized who he was. Ice Cube, yes the rapper. He didn't look like he looked on T.V., but it was him none the less. He had three dots tattooed under his right eye and his glare was still fixated on me. Through the mud and the blood and the death, he still had his eye on the target. I took his money, and that branch, and made my way into the forrest.

ICE CUBE!
Motherfucking Ice Cube! What did he want from me? Wasn't he a well known rapper turned actor? What could he possibly want from me out here in the woods? What the fuuuuuck was going on?! I hurried through the forest, I wanted to count the cash but it was dark and the shock was getting to me. I started stumbling over fallen branches and tangles of blackberry. Had I killed him? I mean, It waaas because I was wearing my silk jacket that his hand had slipped off. But no I thought, I hadn't put that rock there. Damn straight!
Blame nature, sheeet.
Besides why was he coming at me like that anyway?

I stumbled back to camp the fear making me fairly sober. Before I broke though the last stand of bushes I stopped where the firelight filtered through the leaves, Richard must be back from his hike. I heard them all up and talking as I counted the money...
784 dollars, not bad.

I parted the bushes as the guys looked up from their beers. " Where'd you go?" They asked." How long does it take to piss in the woods?"

I Stumbled to a folded chair and hung my head down, the back of my neck instantly toasty from the fire. Robbie handed me a cold one and I caught the look in his face out of the corner of my eye. Id have to tell them.
"Soo...What happened to you?" He asked.
" Ok," I said shakily "Let me ask you guys a question, this s**t is going to sound crazy and fucked up as hell but, If I met Ice Cube..
" Wait, what, Ice cube the rapper?" asked Charlie.
" ya Ice Cube, If I met Ice Cube in the woods can you guys think of any reason he would want to get at me?"
A burst of laughter filled the air. The girls were laughing too but most quickly got themselves in control and shooshed the guys, glancing around at the other dark campsites...
Still laughing Hilary jumped up and came toward me, an intense dark look in her eye. I stumbled back falling out of my chair, The same look Ice had in his eyes as he came toward me sparkled in hers. Oh s**t! I thought, am I in the middle of some X Files s**t?! Were my brains about to be eaten? F**k!
Everyone else, just shocked, watched. Either with concern or alarm on their faces as the indomidable Hilary, punk- dyke extrordinaire, with the great a*s that kept her around, bent down over me and gently reached behind my ear. I cringed. Ohhhh god, my brains!!!!

She pulled away and turned toward the fire.
I heard a lighter flick and suddenly the thin blunt id tucked behind my ear earlier today sprung to life on her girl loving lips.
"OOHhhhhhh..........ok. That makes sense."

Throwing my head back, I drew in a deep breath, feeling my heart rate slow down.

"You okay?" Hillary asked as she turned to pass the joint. "I mean, Ice Cube. C'mon? You find some 'shrooms or something?"

I looked at her face, reflected in the firelight, and then to the faces ringing the camp. "I - I don't know. Maybe." Running my hand across my eyes, I then leaned forward, reaching for a beer Matt held out for me.

"What the..." Matt drew back, concern filling his dark eyes.

"What?" I asked, my earlier alarm returning.

"What's all over your face?"

"My face?"

"Yeah," Hillary joined in. "You just smeared something all over."

As I reached up to touch my face, I saw the palm of my right hand covered in something dark. I stood and took two steps toward the fire. Squatting down, I held my hand out. Blood. His blood.

Numbly, I straightened up and held my hand up in evidence. "I told you he was after me."

"What did you do?" Matt asked, horrified. "Did you kill him?"

Every eye, now sober, stared in my direction.

I felt like f****n laughing. It was crazy right?
I had killed Ice Cube? Theee "Ice Cube."
And all he wanted was prolly to share my blunt and now his blood was on my face...fuuuuck! F**k! F**k! F**k! F**k! And his body.......his body was out there...

"Holey s**t," Hailey said bending down to look at me.
" What the hell is wrong with you Mario, sereously..."
She took a step back.
" whose blood is that?" She whispered.

I was speechless. I didn't want to tell them that there would never be another "Friday" movie because of me. I thought fast, and answered with a stern voice that assured I wasn't lying. "I caught my Jimmy in my zipper!" I admitted.

"And it bled like that?" Hilary asked, trying to hold back laughter amidst concern.

"Yes, this is just the blood from afterwards, you should have seen the beach towel I had to use." I explained.

Everybody let their heads hang in a brief moment of silence for my twig and berries. Matt never took his eyes off my crotch. "I'm sorry." He whipsered to my jeans.

That would get me more time, I told them I had to tend to the seepage, and turned to go take care of Cube's body.

As I walked away I heard the mumbles throughout my friends around the campfire. Most were saying I was lying but they aren't going to make me prove that I sliced my dick. Damn, that is a relief.

Feeling dizzy and confused, I go in search of Ice Cube's body. Damn, this is such bad s**t. Why is it always bad things happening to me? I mean, what in the hell have I ever done? I mean really? Deep in my self-pitying thoughts, I didn't see him in front of me. Suddenly a groan woke me from my minding stupor. He...he is alive? What? How can that be?

"Damn man, reach into my left pocket and get my cell out. Call 911 for me. I just wanted to smoke some weed with you dude. Why'd you have to go do what you did?" Ice Cube faintly said.